She Did Life Her Way: Now I’m Learning to Do the Same

Hello and happy Thursday,

Gosh, how are you doing today? I feel like it’s been one heck of a long moment since we’ve chatted. Honestly, with so much going on, I feel like I’m neglecting more of my writing here on Love Life. Funny enough, I had an entire schedule and yup, you guessed it, its bee flushed. I’m still writing and posting, but the way my brain is working lately, I feel like I’m still getting hyper-focused on one thing while I neglect the things that are so close to my heart. Love Life seems to be slipping through my fingers and I don’t like it.

So, I’m writing myself a schedule again and hoping I can stick to it. Fingers crossed.

Tell me though, how are you guys doing? How has life been treating you? Shoot me a text or drop me a comment, I would love to hear from you.

Today I was up dark and early. I began my day at 4:30. The pups are still cuddled up in their favorite chair right next to me and I’m sitting here choosing Love Life first today. I want to sit here with you all before I begin my day.

It’s been two weeks today since my Aunt Billie left this world. I miss her so much. I woke up thinking it would be nice to go for a visit, a visit that will never come again. Some of the “I should haves” are creeping in from time to time. I should have gone to listen to Jimmy Lee sing when she asked me. Instead, I told her I would visit on Thursday. Honestly, when I said no and told her I would visit Thursday, it was because I figured she would have two things to look forward to that week. I knew how she looked forward to visits and activities to fill her days.

I found out this week that there will be no services for my Aunt Billie, not one where people outside her immediate family can attend. My cousin has made the decision to have only her, her husband, their children and grandchildren attend. While I respect it, the more I can’t help but feel an emptiness.

I spent countless hours with my aunt, and she shared with me how she envisioned her funeral. What sticks out the most to me is how more than anything she wanted “My Way” by Frank Sinatra to be played as the pallbearers carried her out of the church.

“I don’t want no hymns or church music little girl, I want My Way to be played, and I want it played loud. Promise me little girl, you’ll make sure My Way is played.”

“I promise Aunt Billie, I’ll make sure they know.”

That’s a promise I won’t be able to keep. She was my aunt, not my mother, so the decision isn’t for me to make. And while I understand the choice for a smaller service, I also feel a sense of spiral because saying goodbye will have to be what I decide to make it.

I’ve decided in the very near future I’ll take a drive out to Rose Hills and go sit by her grave site and do my own goodbye to her. I’ll spend a little time with her and who knows, maybe I’ll play, My Way as I reflect on our life together.

They say funerals are for the living. Celebrations of life are meant to remember all the good with little sadness surrounding the day. My cousin told me that Aunt Billies’ big day was on her 100th birthday when she was able to spend the day surrounded by those that loved her most. She was a part of her own celebration of life and now, her final goodbye will be done in a way that allows her daughter, grandchildren and great grandchildren, along with her son-in-law their own, private little goodbye, “until we meet again” moment. I must respect that.

We all grieve in our own way. Me, I grieve not being able to just go visit. I grieve the incredible woman who helped mold my life in the best ways possible. I grieve knowing I can’t just pick up the phone and say hi, however, I know her body was tired. Living to 101 years old is something most of us will never see.

Aunt Billie was ready to go home. She was ready to be with her husband, her sisters and in some incredible way, I think she was ready to go home and meet the mother she lost when she was a young child. I know Aunt Billie was met by an abundance of loved ones who left her long before her time came.

She used to tell everyone who would listen that I was not only her niece, but a second daughter to her. She would tell people I wrote her memoir and she was so proud of me, and she loved me unconditionally and for that, I am eternally grateful. Never any judgement on her part. She had her opinions, but she respected everyone’s right to choose. She never made anyone feel like they didn’t matter because everyone had a place in her life. My Aunt Billie was the greatest example of how we should treat others.

As the days go on and life finds a new normal without her, I pray I find reminders throughout the rest of my life on how to be more like her. She was the smartest woman I ever met. She had a heart of gold. She was the definition of unconditional love. The world has lost one of the greatest women who’ve ever walked the earth and heaven has gained one of its finest angels. I have no doubt that my Aunt Billie will continue to do her eternal life, her way.

Life sure has a way of keeping us on our toes. My Aunt Billie knew that her loved ones here on earth would all be okay without her. She knew that I am surrounded by love in my life and that I have a tribe of women who support me, cheer me on and she knew they would always show up for me in my darkest moments. Aunt Billie always said to me at the end of every conversation, “give your John a hug for me and tell him I love him too. I know how much he loves you and for that reason, I love him.”

Aunt Billie knew my talent as a writer, and I refuse to let her down.

Today, I will begin applying for all the grants I have found to get my business up to the level where she would be proud and I have no doubt, I’ll get at least one of them because she is watching over me and guiding me as I write my why.

My aunt was one of the most successful women I know, and she worked hard her entire life and as my example of a hard-working woman, I want to be just like her.

So my dear friends, it’s time to begin my day. I’ll continue to have setbacks, and I won’t meet perfection in the things I do, but I will allow myself to be guided on the path I was meant to walk.

Thank you for being here with me this morning. I appreciate you all so very much.

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs

With presence, purpose, and a heart learning to unfold,
Dawna‑Rae
may your heart return to itself again and again

P.S.

Check me out over on Substack where I write the hard letters to loved ones:
Love Life with Dawna | Dawna-Rae | Substack

Check me out over on YouTube where I pray, I can make a difference in someone’s life. Warning, I’m just learning and I have a long way to go, but I am trying:
Dawna – YouTube