That’s narcissism

Happy Tuesday everyone

How are you doing on the terrific Tuesday afternoon? It sure is a beautiful day here in my neck of the woods and as I sit here writing I have my two besties cuddled up keeping me company. Oreo and Molly sure do love their new home and our fabulous balcony.

Speaking of my balcony, let me ask you all this, what’s your favorite part of your home? Do you have a spot that makes you happy? A place you can escape to and do something you truly love doing? I’d love to hear all about it, so shoot me a text or drop me a comment.

I have a friend who lives right on the lake. I’ve been to her home once and her back deck is a dream. It’s so warm and cozy and it’s built for privacy and nothing but relaxation. I love it. The water is my happy place and John made sure our home has water views and the bonus for me is, I not only get water views, I get an awesome backyard with an entirely different vibe.

My home is overall my happy place. I have my balcony. I have my living space, and I have different areas of my backyard that brighten my day.

Every morning the pups want me to join them in the backyard. We head outside with my coffee in hand, and I sit and do a little reading or positive video listening while they handle their morning deposits in the yard. Then of course, it’s time to run and play. They do a few laps around the yard, then it’s time for a treat and some cuddle time while I do what I gotta do.

I love being home. I love waking up in my bed and seeing the mountain views. I love being able to go downstairs and go out back with the pups. I enjoy making John his morning oatmeal. I love not having to rush out the door. Of course, I still have those mornings from time to time when I have club business to attend to, but overall, getting up in the morning and taking care of things around the house and garden, that sure is fulfilling.

In the last home I owned, my backyard was my happy place. I loved my pool and being able to just sit outside looking at the water. When it rained, those were the days I enjoyed outside the most. Hearing the water pitter patter on the pool water, now that was calming.

I think I spent a lot of time outside back in the day because it was my way of escaping what was happening in my world.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was dying inside. I had no passion for life, other than my kids. They, along with the water are the things that kept me grounded and present in my life.

When I was waking up to the fact I was in a cult and the fact I was being controlled at home, the water was what I needed to see every morning. It was truly my escape. I used to dream of jumping in the pool and finding secret door to a new life, but I knew I couldn’t survive out in the world. I had no critical thinking skills, and though I was in human form, I lived a very robotic life.

I made excuses for the way I was being treated. “Oh, that’s just the way he is, he didn’t mean anything bad by it”.

I remember one time, we had gone up to our vacation home in the mountains, and my daughter-in-law and her family were there too. Her sisters and mom decided to do a complete make-over on me. I sure could use another one. Anyway, they did the make-over on me and I couldn’t believe the way I looked. I was 10 years younger in the mirror. I looked good in the outfit they put together for me. My hair was cut and styled in a very complimenting way.

I walked out of the room all done up for a night out to dinner with all the girls (my daughter-in-law and her mom and sisters). My boys and all the other guys there complimented me. Kevin said, “wow mom, you look beautiful.” My ex, he just shrugged his shoulders and made the comment, “why are you looking like that? Going out to find someone else”? I felt so uncomfortable the rest of the night. He wouldn’t even look at me. That experience still comes up to this day. They all remember that night and what they all seem to remember is how nice I looked, yet my ex was so mean and hateful to me.

I still went out with the gals, but I wanted to hurry home because I knew I was in trouble, not only for going out, but for the way I looked. I was right, when we got back, I was later told when alone with him that I looked like a whore.

I never went out again while we were together.

Changes are never easy, especially when it’s us that needs to make them about ourselves and the way we do things, however, we should all be changing and evolving all the time. We should be seeking to become the best version of ourselves, every day.

When we know a certain behavior affects our person in a negative way, we want to work on making the change so as not to hurt them. This is true in all relationships. Parents and children. Friendships. Husband and wife. Girlfriend and boyfriend. Employer and employee. Whatever the relationship looks like, we want to bring our best to the table, not our worst.

Intentionally hurting someone we care about, that’s not cool. Hurting anyone intentionally, that’s its own kind of sin. Allowing ourselves to fall into a pattern of not changing bad behavior could find us as being known as a person who avoids transformation even when it’s exactly what our life is asking for.

Narcissistic people don’t see life this way.

I’m no expert in this kind of behavior, other than what I experienced in life. For me, being around this kind of person is as described above. Leaving this kind of person, the consequences carry on for a very long time. In fact, they might carry on through the rest of my life.

I had someone tell me the other night that my ex must still be in love with me because of the things he says. MMMM, I don’t think name calling and making threats is love. It’s narcissistic behaviors that are painful for the recipient.

It’s not easy, in fact, it’s one of the hardest things a person can do to leave a toxic relationship. It’s even harder to build back your self-esteem. Either choice is hard, but one is healthier than the other.

Well guys, I’m off to group gal therapy with my tribe.

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.