A fine line

Happy Tuesday evening everyone!

How are you all doing? Did anyone do Taco Tuesday? If so, I’m jealous, in a good way that is. I’m counting down the weeks until I can enjoy a nice Taco Tuesday.

I still can’t have meat, thus, no tacos on the menu for me yet. I did try a little nibble of chicken last night and boy, did my chest hurt today. I suppose that means my esophagus and diaphragm are still healing. Guess the doctors were right when they say no meat until March 1st. A little piece of advice, don’t try and hurry things along. Doctor sometimes, most of the time, know best.

So, I’ve got a question for you all. It’s something that for some reason, keeps popping into my mind and I think if I write through it, perhaps, while getting your thoughts on the matter, I’ll be able to think of something more positive.

Here’s my question:

What’s the difference between asking for help and using someone. I mean, to me, using someone is when you intentionally have someone do something to benefit you. Asking for help is when you truly need someone’s assistance for a task.

For me asking for help has never come easy. I’ve searched my soul as to why it’s so hard and believe it or not, it’s not because I’m too proud to ask. Instead, it’s because I don’t feel like I deserve to receive it. I think I need to work on this mindset and correcting it. It’s not helpful at all.

I have some pretty amazing friends and family who have helped me through some pretty tough times. They’ve helped me when I could barely move. These incredible people have also helped me get to where I’m at today, and I’m beyond grateful to each and every one of them. I feel blessed. I truly do.

Now let me ask you. Is it a fine line between asking for help and using someone? When you ask for help, are you a user?

The following quote I think puts into perspective why for some folks, me included, why it’s so dang hard to ask for help.

That quote above really hit home for me. For most of my life I have experienced an unbalanced give and take, that is, until John came into my world. He’s taught me that he wants to help me. We’re a team. We’re partners in this life.

John’s shown me that it’s loving on my part to accept help from those that love and care about me. My view on asking for help was so wacked that I learned and even taught myself that my worth was based upon always being the one to help, and here’s where the wacked comes in, I believed I was weak if I asked for help. I drew a very fine line between asking for help and assuming if I did, I was a user.

The real users in this world will be drawn to those who share this weakness, or mindset, and they will use us to their advantage, then, they’ll turn the narrative around when we stop accommodating them. They will turn on us, but they’ll try and make the world believe it’s us who are the users. Messed up, don’t you think?

I have some pretty amazing folks in my life who are true givers and most of them are strong individuals who know how to give help, while at the same time, they know how to set boundaries. I’m learning a lot from them. Seeing the balance in their lives. Watching them say no when they can’t do something. I’m learning that saying no isn’t a bad thing. Instead, it’s taking care of yourself too. That’s one thing I failed to do most of my life. I didn’t take care of me. I didn’t see the importance of it. I’m changing though and that’s a good thing.

I never want to lose my desire to be there for others. I want to be of help and service to people, but in order to do more, I first need to make sure I’m taking care of me too.

Now, I’m learning it’s okay to take a day off and enjoy just being home, reading a good book, watching a movie. It’s okay to go outside and enjoy nature. I always thought I needed to have everything done, you know, housework, dinner on the table at a specific time. Laundry and ironing done before I could sit for a moment in the stillness of my home, but guess what, I realize now that even if I take a 10-15 minute break in the middle of the day to go out back and just listen to the birds, the dishes will still be there when I come back in. Laundry has a funny way of sticking around until I can get to it and that’s okay.

I always felt ashamed to ask for help. I’ve always been weak that way, but I’m learning that asking for help is okay. I’m learning to accept the help of others while at the same time, I’m overcoming the guilt I’ve placed upon myself for thinking I’m weak because I can’t do it all.

It’s only been recently that I’ve recognized the fact that it is a flaw or weakness of feeling like I must do it all on my own. Recognizing this fact will help me find a more balance view on when to ask for help.

I’ve learned so much for those in my life who’ve helped me with some pretty big goings on. I’m not an expert in a lot of things, but collectively, my friends and family make up a whole lot of smart and expertise and I’m learning so much from all of them, each in their own amazing way.

I love to learn and each person in my life brings something different to our relationship and now that I’ve been able to shift my thinking from feeling weak for asking, I now view asking as a learning tool.

When I ask for help, I’m learning that it’s okay. I’m learning that I don’t always have to do it all on my own. When I reach out and ask a question, I’m learning from someone else’s perspective on a subject. Those in my world, well, we’re forming a better connection to one another and that’s pretty cool. I hope I’m giving as much to the relationships as they’re giving to me.

I love this quote:

What a wonderful reminder on giving and receiving. I think if we can remember this advice, it will go well for us in life, especially in relationships, no matter what the relationship is. Friends, family, co-workers, even our neighbors. The point is, give from a good heart, not because you expect something in return. Receive with grace and never forget the kindness and selflessness that went into the give.

Asking for help and using people, there’s no fine line there. Seeking help is courageous.

Using someone is weak!

On that note, I’ll leave you with the following quote:

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs

PS

I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject, so drop me a comment, I love hearing from you.