Appreciation

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing on this wonderful Tuesday evening? Good I hope. All is well here. I’m keeping up the reminder to myself that a good attitude keeps us in alignment with God’s purpose, so I’m doing my best to find the extra positive in each and every day. How about you? What positive thing happened in your day? For me, I got to watch the sunrise and I was blessed to talk with and text with dear friends, my nieces, my sons and of course, John’s parents. Well, he actually talked with them, but I got to hear bits and pieces, so that was extra nice.

I love that John talks with his parents regularly. It’s so important he have that relationship with them. Even though it makes me so happy that he can call his mom or dad, it makes me sad sometimes because my daddy is gone and my mother hasn’t spoken to me in nearly 10 years now. When you escape a cult, those who choose to stay generally consider you a threat to their spirituality and they shun you. Anyway, I am happy John still has his mom and dad. I tell him often, appreciate the time and opportunity you get to spend and talk with them, because you won’t understand just how valuable it is until they’re gone.

Anyway, I don’t want to go down that rabbit hole tonight. I’d rather spend our time sharing what I appreciated today and how I appreciated the opportunity to fall in love again. No, not with another person, but with something that I thought would be my forever.

Before we get too far into our blog, I wanted to share with you some pretty amazing photos. Check out the morning sunrise over the valley, isn’t she awe-inspiring? This was my view while dealing with traffic.

Once I was on the decent from the road that drops me into the North gate, I was blessed with this view:

Then, after being awe-stricken with this incredible morning sunrise, I was even more blessed to capture the beauty of the lake as I came in the gate. Melts my heart every time I see the majestic beauty of the vastness of the water. Gosh, I just feel the calm permeate my entire body as I behold all that water in the photo below.

Oh how I love seeing the water first thing in the morning. It’s so calm and if you look closely, you might just see the fog line rising above the homes in the background as it makes its way home for some rest before it blesses us again tomorrow morning. Aww, the wonders of His creations. Makes me smile just looking at the photo and remembering how incredible it was seeing this view as I entered my little piece of paradise.

My dream is to someday have this view, or one similar to it. Currently John and I have an incredible view of the water, the park and we get to enjoy being able to hear families laughing and playing as they too, enjoy lake life. But sadly, we only rent this home that we’ve fallen in love with. I can’t imagine being anywhere else, but I know our time has come to move along, perhaps sooner than we thought we were ready for, but I’m keeping in mind, when one door closes, another is open. We might need to walk down the dark hallway to get to that open door, but soon, we’ll see a glimpse of light getting brighter and brighter the closer we get.

Right now, it feels like my dream of waking up to the water every morning will soon be coming to an end and that makes me sad. I’ve let go of saying this is my forever home. Instead, I am saying, this is another stop in God’s plan for me. He knows me better then I know myself and so I must trust His plan for me. It’s not easy not knowing the path, but in order to be moved into something more amazing than I could have ever think of, I need to let go and let God.

John has said from day one of living here, it’s like we live on vacation. He’s right, waking up, seeing the water, taking a walk and spending a little time outdoors makes the soul feel grounded and for me, it makes me feel alive. Waking up to the sun glistening over the water, makes my heart swell with appreciation for this blessing I never thought would happen for me. I pray it’s not short lived, but, if it is, I know I can make any house a home as long as we have our family and friends nearby.

I am a fire sign for those of you who follow the zodiac, however, water is my natural calling. I’ve always been drawn to it. In my previous life, the one where I was married and, in a cult, I had a pool smack dap in my backyard and let me tell you, I can maybe count on one hand the number of days that, when home, I didn’t go and just sit outside and enjoy seeing the water. Some of my favorite days were rainy ones. Oh, how I loved to hear the raindrops as they splashed and played in the pool. Those were some of my fondest memories of my home.

As John and I set out on some much-needed new adventures, I am noticing that I am becoming a bit nostalgic for the neighbors who’ve become dear and treasured friends. I know our friendships will continue, even when time becomes an enemy. Our truest friends will always be nearby.

Just like tomorrow is never promised, the path we’re meant to take isn’t always in alignment with our expectations, but His. With that being said, each day as I watch the sunrise and the fog lift its presence above the water, I am reminded of the many blessings I’ve had in my lifetime. Even in what I thought were my darkest days, I’ve always had something to be grateful for, I just forget that sometimes. Perhaps that is why life is so uncertain now. Maybe this is my reminder to lean on Him.

It’s funny, I just had something come to mind as I sit here sharing a part of myself with you all. About a month ago John and I put an offer in on a home. The seller was considering our offer and for some reason, our realtor forgot to submit our new offer. It looks like we lost the home because of the error of the realtor. Every day I would contact my realtor and ask her if there were any updates from the seller. No, no, no and no, until I heard the seller accepted another offer. My heart was broken into a million pieces. I became attached to something that wasn’t mine. I became so attached that in my mind; I built a life in a home that I had merely only put an offer on.

One of my dearest friends whose been on this journey with me had suggested, not once, not twice, but multiple times that I should reach out to the seller’s agent myself. I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to come across as aggressive or impatient. I was more fearful of what someone I didn’t know would think of me. That mistake. The mistake of not heeding my friend’s suggestion, it cost us a house I had already made a home.

I can’t help but wonder if God was using her to make those many suggestions to me because He knew I needed to swallow my pride. Accept the suggestion and open my eyes to the fact that sometimes, it’s better to not mix business with “family.”

Boy, this was a hard lesson to learn. Even though things didn’t turn out the way I thought they would, I am grateful that I found out who my real friends are.

Yesterday I drove by that home and stopped. I told Sparkle, that’s the name I gave her, I told her to be strong and embrace the new family that will be blessed to call her home as much as she embraced me the first time I walked through her double doors. From the moment I stepped in, for the first time ever, I felt a house become a home in an instant. She gave me the biggest bear hug, at least that’s what walking through her front doors felt like for me.

Sparkle is magnificent in structure. She’s a little worn in some places, but that’s okay, she’s still gorgeous. Every room. Every nook and cranny of her was perfect for me. She even came with a wonderful tubby in the primary bathroom. I’ve missed my tubby times. For some reason, out of the three bathrooms I have in our condo, my primary bathroom doesn’t have a tubby, only a shower.

I imagined long soaks while gazing out her windows. I imagined cuddle time with John while enjoying the most stunning views as our primary bedroom fireplace crackled in the background. I saw the many family gatherings at our home. John even said I should turn the formal living room into the holiday room. He dreamt of me decorating it for each and every holiday.

Sparkle gave me so much to appreciate, and I know she’ll give to the new owners the same love and ability to dream as she did for me.

Saying goodbye to Sparkle hurt my heart. I fought hard for her, but it was too late when I began my fight. Then, I was reminded that I had to let go and let God because He always provides. I’m learning that having faith isn’t always easy, or maybe, having patience is the problem. Is it possible the two are interlinked? Maybe. I suppose that’s something I need to think about. Faith and patience, different, but maybe they do go hand in hand. Thoughts?

In the meantime, as I learn patience, I continue to beg for strength and understanding. I also pray for Him to take my hand and lead me where he wants me to go.

John and I have begun to fall in love with another beautiful home, but it’s above our budget, so maybe we’re falling in lust with the lake house. She is so different than our Sparkle. She’s right on the water and gosh, her views are endless. In her dining room she has a built-in lush, carpeted area that is surrounded by beautiful wood floors. I can see putting my new table and chairs that my son Tommy gave me right in that room.

Tommy gifted me this antique table with what I refer to as my castle table. You see, the table, while being an antique, comes with two queen chairs and this glorious king chair, and of course, the pawn chairs are nothing short of stunning.

I can see Thanksgivings at my table in what I call the Lake home. There are no window coverings on any of the windows at the back of the house. There’s no need for any, because all you see is water. It’s like looking out on the sea, just on a smaller scale. The lushness of the greenery that surrounds the lake houses lower hill slope completes her home by making it a castle above the water.

I can see spending countless hours on her decks just enjoying the view. I can see writing many stories from her different decks. I can see her being open to welcoming us into her space and allowing us to call her ours. I can see so much, but she’s waiting for the right buyer, the one who can afford her grandness. I just hope they see beyond her imperfections and see her beauty, because she’ actually perfect, just the way she is.

Ah, I must be careful not to fall in love again. I don’t want to become attached to something that’s not mine to have.

Through this entire experience, I have come to appreciate that hard work and dedication is a must when it comes to getting what we need in life. Perhaps Sparkle and the Lake House aren’t mine to have, nor even a need. Maybe they’re just my lesson or reminder to work harder, love more and embrace appreciation for what I do have.

I have learned so much over these last few weeks. I’ve learned that it is possible to fall in love with a house, if you can feel it’s embrace as it asks you to make her your home. I’ve learned to appreciate more and more my amazing community. I’ve learned the importance of family, and I’ve learned humility through the process of saying goodbye to a house that will be someone else’s home. I’ve learned that moving on is possible, even through the pain of losing something you love. I’ve learned that seeing the water and embracing the sun as it rises is a blessing and I’m truly grateful for being able to experience it firsthand. I know the lake house would give herself to us and she would embrace us as we made her our home, however, I think the lesson in her being a little pricey for us is, I need to be more careful in how I spend, and there you go. Less stuff is better, because the more you buy, the less you can afford.

Thanks to my friend Jan whose helped me appreciate how to be on the lookout for opportunities to make income. I am a gifted writer, and I am a gifted crafter. I love to decorate, and I love my family and friends. With these gifts, I will find my way to not only do His will but work towards having my place on the lake.

Who knows, maybe one day I’ll be able to sit out on my patio and see the expansive views of this beautiful lake in a home that I can call mine. Of course, it will be John’s too, but this is my blog, so I tend to refer to mine more than ours. I need to work on that, especially since you all have come to know the love of my life, John.

Well guys, I do appreciate you stopping by and taking time to read tonight’s blog. I hope you sleep well and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++ Hugs.