Killed by envy

Happy Saturday evening everyone!

How was your day? I hope it was as amazing as you all are. Did you do anything fun and exciting, or were you just home enjoying quiet time or family and friends? Shoot me a text or drop me a comment, I’d love to hear from you all.

Today John and I immersed ourselves in the amazing community we live in. We attended Octoberfest and it was incredible.

For the first time, John and I went and sat down at one of the picnic tables under the rather large canopy of vines. All the tables were taken, so we saw this couple sitting side by side talking. I asked if they minded if we sat down to share the table. Both Don and Leslie were very happy to have us sit. Turns out, they don’t live here in the lake, but they heard about the event and decided to come. I’m glad they did. Super nice couple.

As we sat chatting with them, John decided to go grab another beer. Don decided to join him, so the two went off and became engaged in lots of conversation. While Leslie and I sat chatting, another gal and her husband came up to us. Tricity and gosh, the hubby’s name is slipping my mind. Anyway, they joined us. Super nice couple. After a while, while the guys went to grab another beer, this really sweet couple asked if they could join us.

All in all, John and I made friends with 4 couples. All of us commented on how unique our community is and how blessed each we all feel to live here. Strangers feeling comfortable enough to sit with those they don’t know forming friendships, if only for the day.

As we sat talking my mind was wandering to feeling so grateful to call this city, my home. I sat there with these new friends feeling this overwhelming feeling of never wanting to leave. Not so much the table as this community. This has become our home. We have friends here who we love and they love us.

In any community you will have issues. You will have clicks, and you will have the tit for tats, however, we are a community and we do have one thing for absolute in common. We all agree we live in a very distinctive place.

John and I see this town being our forever home. We can’t imagine being anywhere else and someone tried to steal my love for home because of what I assume is a repulsive covetousness for what I have.

Have you ever trusted someone because you believed they would have your back, especially when it comes to your family and home? Well, I did and it’s cost me something that meant so much to me.

I’ve been racking my brain all afternoon trying to figure out what I did to this person to cause her to want to ruin a dream I have. While talking to my niece about the issue that arose today, she said to me, “Aunt Dawn, she’s always been envious of you.” Of me? Why. I’ve never made her feel like that and if I have, it’s never been intentionally. Her reply: “You have a man who loves and adores you. You have friends and family that love you and want the best for you. Your friends and acquaintances in your little town know you and respect you. She’ll never have that.”

This gal has a bad reputation with so many people in her church and in her community. She doesn’t live near me, but I always tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, and I’ve been so stupid believing her lies. By doing so, she cost me something that meant a lot to me. She didn’t steal my dream, but she took a piece of it away from me today.

Instead of being happy for me, the person she claims is her only true friend, me, she sabotages me.

My niece said this so-called friend is envious of me and I still can’t wrap my head around WHY?

When a person is envious, they display feelings of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck:

Because I have a man that loves me. Because I have true friends. Because I true and honest relationships with family and friends, this person has become jealous of me.

She doesn’t have to be. I’ve welcomed her into my home. I trusted her with my family. She was welcomed into my life, and she allowed her green-eyed monster to manifest itself to the point of robbing me of something I’ve worked so hard for.

I won’t lie. I feel I’m having some big-time trust issues right now, but I refuse to let those feelings take over my world. If I do, I might miss out on something else that could be better than what I lost.

Jealousy, covetousness and resentment are a huge root to the evils in this world, not just mine, but in so many other people’s lives.

It’s going to take me a long time to get over the horrible thing this person did to me today. When it first happened, I felt I would never forgive her, but forgiveness isn’t mine to decide, it’s God’s. God forgives me each and every day, so it’s not my right to hold onto a grudge. I’m not even sure it’s okay to say things like I can forgive but not forget. Again, He forgives and forgets our transgressions.

I just don’t understand why? WHY?

I pray God helps me through this. I pray He doesn’t allow hate to enter my soul. I pray God helps me stay away from all jealousy, covetousness, resentment, holding a grudge. All malice and spite. I never want to fall victim to animosity, enmity and feeling ill-will towards anyone, even the green-eyed monster who took over the once upon a time good hearted person I thought was my friend.

When I tell someone, they are my friend, I mean it. If the time comes and we part ways for whatever reason, we part ways. Never would I wish upon anyone the hurt and pain this person caused me.

My dear friends, if someone tells you they have a bad feeling about someone, listen with caution. Don’t let others influence your decision about another person. If two or more people express their feelings about this same person, ask yourself, could there be some validity to what they are saying.

Now don’t go off joining a gossip train. No. That’s not cool either. What I’m trying to say is this: if people whom you value and trust tell you that a person in your life is a liar or that they have a weird feeling about them, then maybe it’s in your best interest to take their caution into consideration. There is a chance a person or two could be off about someone, just don’t be blind to the red flags.

God gives us a brain to think with. He gives us an intuition in order that we proceed with caution. Don’t throw that caution to the wind, you might get burned out of your dream or a big part of your dream.

I pray none of you ever have to sit curled up on your sofa praying to God and needing to ask Him, WHY?

I hope you never feel the emptiness of losing out on something that was meant for you because you didn’t heed the warnings of those that saw the demon that was pretending to be your friend. It sucks! It really does.

As I come to a completion here tonight, I have come to terms with what I lost today. There is a small chance that I might be able to get it back, but if I don’t, then He will provide a different path for my dream, for John’s dream. For our dream.

I just got a text saying: Universe has a plan.

My mind agrees, Universe does have a plan. My mind understands that, but my heart is broken tonight because I put the cart before the horse and began imagining how beautiful mine and John’s life would be with this little piece of the puzzle that we imagined having.

We have each other and that’s a blessing. I know everything else will fall into place on His time and on His terms. He knows what’s best.

It took losing a part of a dream for me to wake up to just how jealous this person is of me. Funny, there was never a need for that. She could have everything I have and more, if she would only stop hurting people. She’s got a man who loves her so madly and deeply, but that’s not good enough. She’s got a nice home. She has family that loves her, but she’s choosing to hurt her friendships, and I can’t understand why. Again, the why isn’t for me to understand right now. So, it’s time to let got and let God, or at least try.