That moment

Happy Sunday,

How was your weekend? Did you do anything fun and exciting or did you just relax? Perhaps you got together with family and/or friends? Shoot me a text or drop me a comment. I always love chatting with you and hearing all about the things going on in your world.

I’m getting ready to hit the hay soon, but I wanted to stop by and say hi and check in. Life is so busy and crazy right now, but spending time with you guys really gives me a calm. Writing is and has always been my happy place. In fact, just this weekend I came across and old journal. I haven’t opened it yet. I think I want to find a quiet place where I can be alone with those words I penned many years ago when my world was about to turn upside down, inside out and knocked the wind out of me a time or two.

I think going back and reading that journal may be a way to heal from some of my wounds from the life I left.

I’ve come to realize, when you’re all wrapped up in life and chaos it’s easy to lose site of who you are. At least that’s what I found to be the case.

Tonight as I was getting ready to write to you all, I came across a few quotes and thoughts that gave me the insight as to why now. Why now did this journal appear when I had it tucked away. Why is it something that was front and center, even though it went unnoticed many times before when I cleaned out my drawers. Maybe it’s because God protects us from ourselves when he knows things could really cause us to spin out of control again.

Whatever the reason I have come across this journal, it must be time to revisit it. Funny, I’ve been searching for one of my journals that was meant to be a book. I still can’t find it. It holds so many writings. Feelings. Emotions and dreams. It’s my earliest memories of being left behind when my parents split up. I was a child left behind and in this journal I poured out my heart to God, to my dad, even to my mother. I guess it’s not time for those words to make their way into my world again.

I’ve been talking with my cousin and a friend these past couple of weeks. Two Heather’s in my life and both these ladies bring so much insight to the world and to me. They encourage me to listen to my destiny.

My friend Heather said to me today, ” you are already manifesting a powerful roll in leading other women struggling with life.” That was such a huge compliment. She’s an author herself and to get this support from her means the world.

I have another friend who has told me multiple times to compile my writings and put them in a book. She said many of the things I write about are insightful to women, especially women over 40.

Who knows, maybe I’ll look into turning my blog into a book.

I do believe that God gives us a talent. Mine seems to be writing. And with our talents we can chose to use them or not.

I heard and author say something similar in one of her books. Can’t remember the book. Can’t remember the author, but she said something like, “God gives us an idea and a story. If we keep putting off writing it, someone else will eventually find it and it will become their story to tell.” Powerful words.

I have a lot of stories to tell and a few I think would make for a great docu-series. I’ve been watching quite a few of those lately and my stories are just as good as most and in some cases some are better. Granted, this is totally open to perception from the viewer or reader.

I think God too gives us the stories to tell when He feels the world or the authors audience needs to hear them. I feel that’s why there are times when it seems everywhere I turn I’m reminded of a life event and I see a quote, a poem or something that relates. Today I was given three reminders of The Moment. The Moment when I had to not only survive in this life, but thrive. Grow. Become who He meant for me to be.

“There’s always a moment. A quiet breaking point. Where a woman looks around and realizes, ‘I can’t keep doing this to myself.’ It’s not that she gave up. It’s that she finally saw the cost of staying. She didn’t stop trying. She stopped choosing pain. Stopped hoping her effort would rewrite someone else’s behavior. That moment? It wasn’t weakness. It was clarity. It was the beginning of her becoming.”-Divine Female Empire.

Diving into the moment this happened to me is what I believe strongly are the words written in my journal that decided to make it’s way back into my life. In this journal I will put the pieces together that need to be dealt with. I’m hoping to find the clarity of my thought process at that time.

I am remembering the time when I was in that in-between space. You know the one. Where the woman I used to be was fading and the woman I was becoming was and still is taking shape. In the beginning it was nothing shy of uncomfortable. Even now when I come face to face with certain things, it’s still uncomfortable. It was lonely and even now, it can be lonely as more of the old me fades into a distant memory. The loneliness was the longest stretch of healing and it brought me so many aches and growing pains. With all of that, knowing I was waking up everyday and putting one foot in front of the other. Glancing back every so often but never wanting to return, that part was magic. It was magic because I was finally meeting the version of myself who was ready for more.

I was telling the Heather’s today that I feel like I navigate towards suppressing my true self. I don’t have the confidence to take the bull by the horns and just take the leaps of faith needed to finally see my writings on a book shelf in a book store.

When I walk into a book store I always touch the books. Sometimes I just breathe them in, especially in the little quaint book stores. Those are my favorites.

That moment is now for so many things in my life. I just need to find that inner courage and launch. Failure or success, either way I’ve accomplished something.

And on a final thought:

Good night my friends.

Don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++ Hugs