Difficulties

Happy Monday,

How are you doing on this incredible and beautiful Monday evening? Good I hope. Love Life With Dawna is coming to you from my newly decorated balcony. I’m feeling so relaxed and cozy. I still have couple more things I’d like to do on my balcony, but it’ll get done sooner then later. I think this might be my new Zen Den.

The wind is starting to kick up and I’m loving it. My wind chimes are singing pretty songs and my little hummingbird couple is back. They’re as playful as ever. The lake is calm and still. Looking out over the water it reminds me a little of the movie Notebook. Now that was a love story.

The last few days I’ve been on the crazy train and I’m ready to hop off. No end in sight just yet, but I sure am ready for a break. I’m tired of feeling crummy. I’m tired of missed moments and missed opportunities. I’m just tired. I’m tired of no energy. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of the fogginess in my mind. I’m tired of this new normal.

I’m trying to feel better. I’m trying to make healthier lifestyle choices. I’m trying to get through the next few months. I’ve got this right?

Did I mention we had a nice little water leak in our kitchen. The sad thing is, we didn’t even know there was a leak. Apparently there was a pipe in the wall that had a pin hole leak. Good thing we caught it before it decided to explode. Bad thing, we didn’t know it was leaking so now we have a potential mold issue. I just want it fixed and soon. Oh well, I’ve asked John to handle everything. Mentally, I’m not in a good place to handle all the things that go along with a leak and possible mold. It really enhances my CPTSD. Thus, I’ve taken to my little sanctuary outside and here I’ll spend much of my time.

Below are a couple photos of the little bit of work I’ve done to the balcony/patio:

Of course, what would my sanctuary be without a butterfly:

Or a few:

I even added a nice shaggy yellow and white rug. I’m not a huge yellow person, but it sure is soft and cozy and John loves the brightness of the yellow, so the rug is his little piece of my decorating:

As I sit here writing to you, I keep getting distracted by the beautiful water and sun as it’s descending down behind the mountains from behind the trees. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of sunrises and sunsets.

Below is a photo of one of the hummings. I think it’s the girl one. John says the girl hummingbirds don’t really have a lot of color and this one looks pretty gray with some hints of white and yellow, I think:

It’s almost like she’s looking at me. I feel she’s seeing if I’m okay to be outside as she feeds. I hope she will learn to like and trust me. In the meantime, I’ll just keep greeting her and hopefully she’ll continue to let me hand out while she eats and flies around with her honey.

The sun is nearly set now. The hues of oranges with hints of pinks and reds really light up our sky. The water is relaxed and as the quiet embraces our little community here, I know one thing is for certain. Even though life is complicated and difficult right now. Even though I don’t see an end in sight for the craziness, life will go on and I will continue to find the strength to take on another day.

Oh I’m sure I’ll have days where I don’t function. I’ll have those days when I just need to be alone. I might even run across a day or two where I need to get away and just be with myself. Whatever each day brings, I must keep up the fight.

“It is when you are going through the most difficult chapter of life that your true hero is revealed, and how beautiful it is when you finally realize–you always had the strength to save yourself.”-Dodinsky.

Looking back over my life, I’ve survived some pretty intense situations. Situations where I never thought I’d come out on the other side. There where times I didn’t want to because facing the pain and cruelty placed upon me was to much to handle, at least that’s what I thought. But here I am. Still standing and still plugging along.

I think it was in a Steven Spielberg master class where he said, “the best writers write what they know.” I am finding this to be truer then I ever thought. I also find when I write about topics I’ve either lived or known someone to live, I can really pour my heart into my writing easier then when I just choose a topic.

When we take life’s most horrific situation and pen them down either for our eyes only or for readers on a platform, we heal a part of us we never thought would or could heal.

With each new challenge all I can do is give it to God, or John. I’m learning I have limitations on what I can do. For now at least. I can’t take on the world right now, I just can’t. I’m not so sure I want to either. I have almost 4 months left of a commitment I made and then, I can dedicate more time to embracing simplicity.

Last night I had to babysit my grandpuppies for a few hours. Tommy and Katie were delayed on their trip home from their little mini getaway. So of course, mom to the rescue. I’ll admit. I was a tad nervous about having Henny and Harley, but folks, they were so well behaved. They were lovable and huggable, even Hennessy. These pups are most likely the only grand-babies I’ll ever get from Tommy and Katie and that’s okay.

Below I’d love for you to meet Henny and Harley. Hennessy is the big white furball and Harley is the beautiful brown and black one. They are both so different, yet they sure do love each other.

Below is goofball Henny trying to feel the air from the sunroof.

Below is my Henny trying to stay awake while enjoying some popcorn with his grammy:

Harley is missing her mama for sure. She’s okay for a day or two, but her mama’s been gone 4 days and now that there trip is delayed, it’s almost 5 days, she just lays down and wonders where her mommy is and when will she be home.

With all the ups and downs of life, when I get some lovin’ from either Oreo or Molly, Henny or Harley, all my troubles seem to slip away. These little furs only need a couple things in life to make them happy. A good and loving home. Food and water. Some exercise and a lot of hugs, kisses, cuddles and of course, love. They make my world go around for sure. Each pup is unique and wonderfully made just like you and me.

Tonight when I came up to my new little Zen Den, I was stressed. After sitting outside writing and reflecting on what’s important, I think I can finally crawl into bed and sleep for a little bit. Once the nerve’s start their electrifying routine I’m sure I’ll be up, but for now, I think I can lay my head on my pillow and thank the Lord for a wonderful day as I drift off into my deep slumber, however long that will last.

My dear readers, sleep well and until next time, Love Life++ Hugs,

From my home to yours, goodnight.