He had to go

Happy Tuesday everyone,

How are you all doing on this fabulous Tuesday evening? All is well here. Today was one of my dearest friends birthday, so a big group of us took her out for taco Tuesday at our country club. It felt amazing being surround by such a wonderful group of ladies and a couple gentlemen who decided to join. I love my community and I love my group of friends who’ve all become family to me. I feel blessed.

As I sat back and took a moment to look around our rather large table, everyone was happy, glowing and enjoying being in the moment. One dear friend recently lost her partner of many years. She looked amazing, yet you could still see the sadness of losing her partner. You could see her strength, yet her longing to have him here with her. She made the comment, “I have to keep living, otherwise I’ll shut myself in.”

We are all so proud of her and I don’t think there was a single person there tonight that didn’t reassure her, we’re here for you.

As we walked out to our cars, our car club’s president’ s wife invited this wonderful and dear friend of ours to the car cruise at the end of the week. She happily accepted. She was even invited to join the club.

This woman is being surrounded with love, kindness and support and you know what, I think she’s gonna be just fine. Oh, I’m sure she’ll have days where she’ll wonder how she’ll keep going. Her nights could find some unfamiliarity, especially when she turns over to rub her hand on the shoulder of the man she’s shared a bed with for so many years.

Seeing my friend tonight made me really appreciate how precious time is. You never know when you’ll be the one waking up alone because your partner has passed. You never know when you’ll be faced with either getting out and living or shutting the door to living. I can’t even imagine what kind of strength a person must take to chose living. When you love someone so much it’s hard to say goodbye until we meet again.

This morning I got a call from a dear friend of mine. She’s someone I knew in my previous cult world. She left the cult a couple years after me, however, she has to keep one foot in the door because her business has a lot of the cult members who rely on her and in turn, she relies on them for their contribution to her livelihood. So I’m one of the very few she can really open up and talk to about her feelings with the church. All the “new light” changes they are making. Things that are allowed now that just 5 years ago weren’t. It’s become a monkey show. Anyway, she said one thing she struggles with is death.

My friend confessed to me she’s not sure she believes the Bible in it’s entirety and she’s struggling with the concept of death. She doesn’t per say believe in heaven or a fiery hell. She’s not sure there’s an afterlife and she’s definitely not convinced of the spirit world or anything else biblical or spiritual. She’s questioning her faith in God.

She asked me what I thought, so I told her. After I told her how I felt and what I believed I said, I’d rather believe in something then nothing at all. Life would seem sort of empty with no belief, at least in my opinion.

Is my way of thinking right and hers wrong. I suppose that’s not for me to even think about. In fact, I told her that unlike the cult we left, I want to be open to other people’s belief’s. That doesn’t mean I have to agree, however, I want to and need to for myself, have faith not only in a creator, I also want to hold onto the comfort I get from knowing in my heart what I believe happens at death.

When you think about it, there are so many songs about dying and missing someone. One song that comes to mind is by Faith Hill, “There You’ll Be.” In this song it’s showing how even though we’ve lost someone, especially a partner, no matter what happens in life, our loved one will always be in our heart. They’ll continue on in our memory and of course, they will find their way into our thoughts.

I haven’t lost a partner, but I lost my daddy 5 years ago and he’s always in my thoughts. Lately he’s been front and center because not a day has gone by over the last couple of weeks where a butterfly or butterflies haven’t been swarming and fluttering by my yard. Tonight on my way to my friends birthday celebration there were two butterflies that flew right in front of my car as I was driving. That was a first. I did have to giggle and I said a smart-ass thing to those two butterflies, “get a room.”

Life goes on and we all lose someone we love. I can’t imagine losing a partner or a child. It was devastating losing my dad. Death is never easy, but losing one of my children or my partner, I’m not sure how I’d find a new way to go on. One thing I do know is, I have a sisterhood of friends and I do have family that will be right there helping me pick up the pieces. Still, it’s something I don’t want to even begin to think about.

“There you’ll be-sung by Faith Hill” A song to show how hard losing your love is while showing life does go on.

“When I think back on these times and the dreams we left behind, I’ll be glad ’cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life. When I look back on these days I look and see your face, you were right there for me. In my dreams, I’ll always see you soar above the sky in my heart, there’ll always be a place for you for all my life. I’ll keep a part of you with me and everywhere I am, there you’ll be. And everywhere I am, there you’ll be. Well, you showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach and I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through. Oh I own so much to you. You were right there for me. In my dreams, I’ll always see you soar above the sky. In my heart, there’ll always be a lace for you for all my life. I’ll keep a part of you with me and everywhere I am, there you’ll be. ‘Cause I always saw you in my light, my strength and I wanna thank you now for all the ways you were right there for me, you were right there for me, for always. In my dreams I’ll always see you soar above the sky. In my heart there’ll always be a place for you for all my life. I’ll keep a part of you with me and everywhere I am, there you’ll be, there you’ll be.”

I’d rather hold onto what some may call a fantasy then to believe in nothing. I’m open to try and understand why people like my friend have lost pretty much all faith. I don’t want to hold onto thoughts such as, nobody knows for sure what happens when we die. I don’t want to hold onto a belief that my dad just ceases to exist.

I know he had to go. I know my dear friends partner had to go. People die and that’s the one thing of all certainty. Sadness follows death for those survived by a loved ones passing. Hope. It’s a choice. A choice to have hope in something or not, at least that’s how I believe.

We all have to go and another certainty of dying is, we don’t know when our time will come. We just don’t know. Life is a gift and we chose how to spend our time with our gift of life.

This next quote spoke volumes to me. My dear friend who has found herself without her partner, her lover, her best friend, she’s finding her new normal. She misses him. She loves him and she has her own hope of where he’s gone and if/when she’ll see him again. It’s her hope to hold onto and hers alone.

If I had one piece of advice for anyone reading this it would be this. Find a hope to hold onto. You get to decide what that hope is. Just find a hope because without it, what is there? The unknown seems so much colder then holding onto something. Just my opinion. The beautiful part about it being my opinion, you get to chose what is best for your belief system. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. We’re all given free will.

I’d love to hear from you and get your feedback. Shoot me a text or drop me a comment. You always make my day. You keep me writing, all of you. Your love and support are priceless to me. Thank you.

Well guys, I’m off to bed. Sleep tight everyone. If you have that someone special laying next to you tonight, maybe take a moment and hug them tight. Kiss them deeply, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.