Give it to God

Happy Tuesday,

Today I wanted to chime in to say hi and let you know I’m thinking of you. Today has been a day of having my booty kicked into gear to get something done that I’ve been avoiding. I’m avoiding it because I don’t want to face it, or should I say, I don’t want to face the persons I’m allowing to mentally cause me pain.

When I found myself frustrated, I took a walk and then I stopped by a friends home for some motherly advice. She had some pretty amazing reminders of the love that surrounds my life.

I was reminded of the amazing man who loves me and has chosen to travel this life with me. John is my rock and strength and I was reminded so kindly tonight by a dear friend just how much John has my back.

She told me this evening, “John loves you and he wants to be your support and he wants to help you through this difficult situation you’re having to deal with. LET HIM BE THERE FOR YOU!!! Let your friends be there for you. We all love you.”

Message received. It’s one of my biggest struggles in life. Letting others help me and asking for help. My sweet friend reminded me that sometimes when there’s nothing a man can do for his woman to fix things, his way of being there for her is to be there. If he wants to be present even if all he can do is physically show up, let him.

God put John into my life and he sincerely wants to be there for me no matter what the situation is and I tend to push him away. I honestly struggle when there’s something that I have to do, like show up for court and it conflicts with time with his sons. I tell him his boys come first and he needs to take care of them. John says that sometimes, while it’s difficult to not show up for the boys, there are times when he has to put me first and help me with something that is truly terrifying me. I hope one day to be able to explain this situation to you, but right now, I can’t.

It’s still weighing heavily on my heart and I have to give it to my creator to help me open my heart and allow not only Him, but John to help me with my battle.

My current situation is overwhelming me even though I don’t have to face it for a couple more weeks. It’s triggering me and I’ve been reminded on so many levels tonight, I don’t have to face it alone. I have John. I have amazing, wonderful and loving friends, my girl tribe and I have a step in mama that reminds me of the love that not only surrounds me here on earth, but I have His support too.

My girl tribe supports one another through everything, that is if we let each other in and let each other know our troubles.

I was reminded this evening of the strength I must of had to leave the religion and my previous indoctrinated life because of Him. I was told to draw on that strength to get me through my fear of the unknown of what I have to face.

The reminders tonight have help to calm my anxiety and given me a new hope that I can go on and fight the fight I’ve been trying to avoid. I have to keep going because I can’t allow any more injustice without a fight. I can’t give up when I’ve come so far. I can’t let myself down and I don’t want to let John down either. John believes in me and for that reason I need to find my strength, disarm my triggers and give it to Him to help carry the burden of fear I’ve found a way to hold onto.

When I got home from talking with my friend I wanted to find something to encourage you all and I wanted to remind not only you, but myself, we aren’t alone. We have Him to rely on and I pray you have that one special friend or partner to help remind you of your worth.

Maybe you are lucky in having an abundance of friends in a girl tribe or maybe if your a man, you have your guy group. If you are sitting home alone tonight and something is weighing heavily upon your heart, remember, you can give it to Him in prayer.

No matter what circumstances are in your life right now we can give our trouble to Him. We just have to open our hearts and take His hand and allow him to lead us. Tonight He led me to the many wonderful reminders of some of the amazing friends I have who I can call framily. I was reminded again of the depths of John’s love for me. I was reminded that it’s okay to take down my walls and let John hold my hand and be my strength through troubling time. I was reminded that I need to let John be my support because he already has my heart.

No matter the outcome I owe it to John, my children, my family and friends to not give up and allow fear to consume me. I owe it to myself to do my best. I owe it to myself to face my fears. It won’t be easy and I will continue to struggle, but with reminders and the love that surrounds me I have to believe it will all be okay.

My dear amazing readers, I hope this blog has found you well and if it finds you struggling, I hope the quotes below bring you a little peace to your heart.

Sweet dreams my friends and don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.

Good night. Sweet dreams. Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning to try something new. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. We can face our biggest hurdles and come out on the other side, perhaps a little bruised. Maybe with a ding here and there, but maybe we’ll come out a little wiser with a lot more understanding, love and compassion for those that bring us heartache and cause the occasional tsunami in our lives.

Give it to Him. Say a little prayer and do your best to let it go. Like my therapist says, “learn to ride the wave to the point you see your trigger, then find the first exit to your peace. Allow yourself to ride the wave, feel where the stress is in your body. Sit with that and breathe…. Breathe until the calm finds you and then release whatever it is you were feeling. Remind yourself that you can tell your fear you will respect it, but you will no longer allow it to consume you.”

My therapist said this takes a lot of practice and she has more tools to give me this week to work through those anxiety attacks. For now, I’ll try and focus on something like Molly or Oreo until I can release the fear, give it it’s respect and then move on. I’m working on it.

I hope this blog has helped or is helping someone navigate the hard times and embrace the good. I know writing it helps me, so thank you for all the love and support you give to me.

Sweet dreams.