A wiser you

Happy Wednesday evening my friends,

How are you all doing on the incredible Wednesday night? We are officially half way through the work week and headed straight for Mother’s Day weekend. I know it’s going to be a fabulous weekend and I can’t wait. What are your plans? Will you be celebrating your mama or perhaps you will be celebrated? Maybe your plans include celebrating your mother who has passed on? Whatever your Mother’s Day plans look like, I hope you find reason to observe a special lady in your life or even a dad who stepped up and took on both roles of mom and dad.

Even though my own mother hasn’t spoken to me or been in my life for nearly 9 years now, I still respect her as my mom and I know she did the best she could with what she knew when I was born. I’m glad she chose to keep me and not abort me. I hope she has a nice day even though she doesn’t recognize or celebrate Mother’s Day.

My goal for the next couple of days is to put together a tribute post for Sunday to all moms out there, whether you gave birth to a child or became a mom out of the selfless act of stepping up and raising or helping to raise a child or two. Just because a woman doesn’t bear a child from her body, a woman who raises, loves and takes care of child is by all rights just as much a mother as a woman who as my friend Jeannie says, “pushes one out of her …….”

So stay tuned my friends and wish me luck. Send me a positive vibe or two because I sure do have some heartfelt things I’d like to put out to the world in appreciation of Mothers.

A dear friend and fellow blogger Joanne over at https://joannerambling.wordpress.com commented on my post from last night. Joanne said, “When your Ex starts spewing crap about you just think or say well that’s his opinion and say no more.” She’s right. Easier said then done, however she is right. Dwelling on it or even trying to defend myself against his negative comments will make no difference. It will only cause me more stress.

Another friend and fellow blogger, Kym Gordon Moore over at https://frombehindthepen.wordpress.com told me to never look back unless it’s to see how much I’ve grown. She too is right. It takes so much to leave someone, at least that was the way I felt. It’ wasn’t because I was so gaga in love with him. It was because I didn’t want to let my children down. Guess what? I did and we survived. Once the pain of breaking up our family settled and they saw that my love for them had never waivered. When they realized how broken I became, they slowly began to understand why I stayed so long and why I had to leave. They also see that I do my best to not bad mouth their father to them. The boys see the difference in how their dad and I have handled our divorce and they were able to form their own opinion and have their eyes see clearly how I felt.

Nobody can own my happiness or my sadness. My PTSD is on me too. I get to chose how to handle my anxiety. While I’m not making light of anxiety, depression or any other mental health struggle, in my case and my case alone, I know how I need to proceed in my life and how I need to navigate my emotions and feelings, it’s on me. I’ve chosen to seek therapy to work through my triggers, emotions, fears and reactions. I’ve learned too through countless hours of reading books on PTSD and other mental health disorders, some people will need years of therapy. Many of us will need a lifetime of periodic check in’s with a mental health professional. Many will never need to seek therapy and for whatever reason, they will find something within themselves, a way to carry on in life without needing counseling. We are all unique and wherever we fall on the spectrum of PTSD, Complex PTSD, anxiety, depression or a mixture of mental health needs, always do what’s in your best interest and don’t ever allow someone to judge you for how you heal.

We all have a choice on how we want to deal with our emotions. It’s okay to seek mental health help. It’s okay to enter therapy and it’s okay not to. Either way, never be ashamed to ask for help. If you need help, there are qualified professionals out there willing to walk through whatever journey you need them for. Caring for our mental health must be a priority.

I saw this amazing quote today and I thought with last night’s post and tonight’s post it would be fitting to share with you all. It’s a kind reminder to each and everyone of us, no matter what life has given to each and every one of us, good or bad, thee is truth in the quote.

“Life changes. You lose love. You lose friends. You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone. And then, without you even realizing it, these pieces come back. New love enters. Better friends come along. And a stronger, wiser you is staring back in the mirror.”-preetham mohanty.

Those words could not be more true. When you are going through the muck or drowning in what feels like quicksand, you don’t see how anything good could possibly come into your life.

For me, I failed to see the blessings within the heartache. I lived in the hurt and I probably missed out on some pretty could have been moments with my sons. Don’t get me wrong. I cherished every moment of every day from the time I new they were in my womb, but I probably missed out on things I’ll never know because I was navigating loving and enjoying them while climbing an impossible mountain in search of the love of my husband.

God answered my prayers over thirty years ago and I didn’t truly grasp the gift at that time. My prayer for showing me what true love looked like, it didn’t come at that time in the form of my husband at the time. It didn’t come with another man. It came when he gave me my firstborn.

When I nearly lost my pregnancy, my ex told me if I lost the baby I was forbidden to ever ask for another one. It was in that moment my unborn baby and I formed an unbreakable bond. From that day forward until he was born I would talk to Tommy. I’d tell him every day how much I loved him and needed him. I promised him he would never grow up wondering if he was loved. I begged my unborn baby to fight with me.

“Tommy, I know you are so tiny right now and I know what I’m asking of you might not be possible. But if you could just keep fighting. I don’t want to lose you. I want you to be born. I want to hold you and love you for the rest of my life. Please fight with me for your life.”

And he did.

Tommy made me a mother and when I became pregnant with Kevin, I didn’t think it was possible to love another son as much as I loved his big brother, but God has an incredible way of opening a mother’s heart just enough to let another child in. God also has a way of opening the hearts of step-in moms to love a child, not from her womb, but from her heart.

Life does change, at least mine did. There was a time I saw only a broken reflection myself. Slowly over time God opened and continues to open my heart and clears my path so I can see He never left me. He was always there waiting for me to take his hand as He put the pieces of my life back together.

I had new love. Actually he was a first love, but that’s for another blog. Dave came into my life and showed me I was worthy of love. He helped me appreciate that when you least expect it, your true soulmate enters your life. When the time was right and I least expected it, John swept me off my feet and loved me completely, entirely and without condition. Dave was a first love, my ex was a love I never knew and John is my last and forever love.

When I moved to the lake I met women who would become my tribe. John asked me the other day if I ever had friendships like I have now. No! I never did. The women in my life now have become my friends, family and sisters. Each of them have qualities of strength I hope someday to have, or at least find within myself.

My circle of acquaintances is large here in the lake, but my core group of friends who I can count on they are few and if you are reading this, I hope you know who you are. May you never doubt my love for our friendship, sisterhood or framily.

These women who mean the world to me come from every walk of life and they’ve shown me the true definition of friendship. Some of my friends I haven’t spoken to in awhile. Some have been on my mind more and more lately. Life gets busy for all of us, but when we get together, it’s like we never missed a beat.

One thing I’m especially grateful for are the women in my life who are older and so much wiser. Some have become mothers to me and some have become trusted and irreplaceable mentors along with being precious friends to me. One woman in particular has helped me find my passion for writing again. She told me to stop dabbling in so many other things and perfect my novel. “Get it done and get it published.” Those are the words of a wise, caring and loving friend. Another friend has told me on multiple occasions that I need to write a book.

Each of these amazing ladies give me love and support. They encourage me and I hope I do the same for them. I belong to a tribe of women who rock this world in so many incredible and positive ways. I’ve truly been blessed.

Each of my friendships is special to me. I love them all and I can’t imagine life without them. I know life changes and some of us will leave the lake someday and that’s okay. God will always make sure we have who we need in our lives when we need them. We just need to take His hand.

One day I hope to look in the mirror and see a stronger, wiser me looking back. I want to embrace who I’m becoming and I want to protect the inner little girl in me who suffered. I want to remember and focus on my faith knowing no matter what happens in life something new will always come along. He knows what we need and as hard as it can be, we need to give our worries to Him.

I’m a little wiser for so many reasons. One of those reasons is because of you. Thank you for the love and support you give me. Thank you for showing up and reading my blogs. Commenting on them and giving me the gift of friendships though some of us will never meet face to face.

There’s some pretty amazing women here who write blogs. There’s some incredible men too who not only write but uplift fellow bloggers who are women. Thank you to all of my blogger friends who help unite writers from all walks of life. Male or female and who encourage this community to keep writing. We have a unique friendship that has been formed through our many writings. I love it and I love you.

Well guys, I’m a bit tuckered out. Fingers crossed I will be able to sleep tonight. I’m desperate for sleep. I’ll say my prayers, close my eyes and leave the rest in His hands.

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs