Goals-love-everlasting

Happy Wednesday evening everyone,

How is everyone doing on this wonderful and blessed Wednesday evening? I hope well. Everything is good here. Today I spent a big portion of my day in San Diego taking care of some medical stuff. Spent half of yesterday in San Diego too. Long days and that’s okay, I’m hopeful things will begin to look up real soon and my pain levels will be way more manageable.

I told my physical therapist yesterday, no pain, no gain. It’s hard work, but doing the exercises she has for me is a must. There are a few that take it out of me or that I simply can’t do but I am doing my best to do everything she outlines for me and I do most of the exercises at home that she’s asked me to do.

I did join the gym. I am excited to get back in the pool. I tried to go Monday but I got a text message just an hour before class saying the class needed to be canceled due to the instructors kiddo being home sick. I’ve already booked a class for tomorrow. It’s an aqua class. Fingers crossed everyone is well and I can get my booty back in the water and swim at least 4 days a week. I’ve got 13 months and counting until my son marries the girl of our dreams and I really, really, really want to look good in the dress my future daughter has chosen for me.

This evening John and I celebrated 7 years together. Hard to believe it’s been that long. It doesn’t seem as though my previous life ended that many years ago, but it did and there’s no looking back. I’m even more resolved in the path I’ve chosen. I’m so glad that I’m so far detached from the cult in which I was held emotionally, mentally, spiritually and in some ways physically captive. My entire life was cult life. My marriage was ran nearly as strict as the cult. I was all in. Cult life. Married cult life. I was very cultic to say the least.

As I reflect on where my life was and where it’s headed I’m sighing a huge exhale of relief knowing I am truly free of the indoctrination of a life filled with lies. Life is better on the outside looking in. I’m blessed to have John in my life and as a bonus with the cherry on top, this year will be the first year EVER that my boys will celebrate Mother’s Day with me. Kevin has been free of the cult longer then me, but Tommy has struggled with the total upheave of the life he knew. I was such a devoted JW and to see me just walk away and embrace holiday’s, birthday’s and all “worldly” celebrations, well, it’s been a journey for him as well.

My boys typically aren’t planners, so planning Mother’s Day is an entire new experience, especially for Tommy. Living a JW lifestyle for most of his life he’s never had to think outside the box of how busy special days like Mother’s Day can be, so for my sons and I, it’s a learning curve on how to plan, what to plan and how to navigate a day where they celebrate me.

The boys have always been good to me, especially Tommy. He’s my kiddo that will swing by the house with a new Coach purse or he’ll call me up last minute to go to dinner. He’s even called me up and said, “mom, you have two tickets waiting for you in will call at Pechanga for the Beach Boys concert tonight.” Yup, he’s a last minute sort of guy and that’s okay. I’ve never known anyone who loves life like he does. Mistakes and all, he’s truly grateful for every day of his life.

Kevin is the typical man who has input in what he and his soon to be wife do, but overall, he leaves most things up to her. He loves to see Jagger happy, so for the most part Kevin is very laid back in what he and Jagger do. They generally choose to be at her parents home out by the pool. Jagger’s parents have a wonderful backyard with a pool, hot tub and amazing entertainment set up with a bbque and all.

Kevin and Jaggers dad are buddies and they do a lot together. Kev says as long as he can play golf a couple times a month, he’s happy. Jagger likes it when he’s out of her hair from time to time golfing. Her and her mom generally do a girls day while their men play. Margarita’s poolside while taking in the sun. Golf balls for the guys with a few beers. Win win for everyone. I’m beyond happy for Kevin being accepted and loved by Jagger’s family. He’s found his place and it’s wonderful to see him thrive.

Mother’s Day 2025 will officially mark a day of complete freedom for my boys and I. Free from the lies told to us about how we will be destroyed by God’s hand for celebrating a “worldly” holiday. I’m excited. The boys and I will be defining our relationship on an entirely new level and that’s a good thing.

Speaking of relationships it seems as though lately I’ve been getting tons videos popping up on my Instagram feed regarding mostly couple relationships, but some friendship ones too. On a rare occasion I get some about mother’s and sons. I love them all.

Anyway, something popped up this morning and it made me stop and think. It was one of those relationship quotes or reflections. I wrote down the statement, but forgot to capture who to give credit to. So the following statement while it’s my belief, it’s not my original.

” My goal—to have a loving relationship not just a lasting relationship.”-unknown. This really hit home. In my first marriage I was able to endure 30+ years. I fought every day for us to make it until one day I didn’t. I fought for his love every single day, until one day I stopped. I don’t know the exact day or time I stopped loving him, but I know for sure I stopped. I’ll always care about him as he is the father of my children but to pinpoint the exact time I stopped loving him, I can’t. There was no certain moment. No major life event. No one thing to signify the day, hour and moment, it just happened.

As I look back I wonder if there was a song that came on the radio that took me to the time in my life when I had dreams and aspirations to become someone’s one and only. Maybe I read something, heard something, dreamt something that made me stop trying with the man who at one point in my life, I couldn’t imagine life without. Perhaps I was simply tired of having to do it all alone, or what felt like alone. I can’t name the day I stopped loving him, but I know for sure, the day came. I never thought it would, but it did and it’s long gone.

I am happy for the sons who came from my previous life. I no longer mourn the life I dreamt about with him. I didn’t mean enough to him for him to give us a try and make it work. My pleas fell upon deaf ears. One day I looked at him and decided I was worth more then he felt I was worthy of. I wanted and needed a partner, not another child who refused to become a man and take care of us. The saying goes, there’s no I in team and that is so true. Relationships require teamwork, not dictatorship.

Women come from a man’s rib not his head to be superior to him. Not from his feet to be subservient, but his rib, to walk side by side through this life with. She, a woman came from his rib. The ribs protect a persons vital organs. His heart and thus God had women come from a man’s rib as reminder to both. We are to walk hand and hand as partners. We protect a man’s heart while he protects our soul. A man should make a woman feel complete, loved, worthy and protected. She is worthy of being cherished. The two become one. They are to stand by each other in love, honor and respect.

When a woman stops feeling loved, worthy and protected, she much of the time begins to feel incomplete in the relationship. Most of the time she will hold out hope for who she knows this man can become, but when he fails to take note of her slipping away the silence and gap between them becomes a crater full of holes until one day everything crumbles. At least this is what happened with me. I crumbled. I was striving to climb this mountain to which I never could see the top. One day I fell and I fell hard.

Mentally I became tired. I broke. I was lost. I never thought about me in the equation of my previous life. I never imagined life outside of my marriage. I knew nothing other then to be in total and complete subjection to my ex. There were, on rare occasions when I allowed a smidge of wonder in my life of what or where would I be on the outside of the JW religion. Those thoughts and wonders were short lived and very rare. When those thoughts crept in I would quickly reign myself back into my reality. God would be angry with me for even allowing such a thought to enter my mind. At least that’s what I thought.

Even though I didn’t know true happiness. Though I never felt loved, I never knew I had no choice to give up sooner. I had children depending on me and for that sole reason, I’m glad I stayed as long as I did. Even though staying as long as I did caused my oldest to question everything I ever said or taught him, I had hoped when I finally did leave he would with time see that I did the best I could with what I knew.

One thing my sons can say about their mom is “even though mom finally let go of the life she raised us in, she did everything she could to make it work. Not a stone was left unturned. Our mother did what she could until she broke and in order to saver herself she needed to walk away and find herself. She needed to find the truth about God, life and relationships and so she did.”

I was exhausted from trying so damn hard and I was let down. At least that’s the way I felt. Maybe my expectations were to high. Maybe I just wanted to know what being loved truly felt like. Maybe I just wanted to believe there were better days ahead. One thing I do know. I wanted more then to survive this life, I wanted to thrive.

What have I learned from my previous life? It’s not all about what you are getting in a relationship . It’s what you are giving in that relationship that matters too. You have to show up for one another. Women want to feel loved, cherished and valued. Men want to feel supported, respected and loved. In order to get a love that lasts, both partners need to put in the work. Love is an action word. It encompasses what you do. So give each other your best.

Women will shut down. We go quiet when we feel we aren’t being heard or when we feel what we say doesn’t matter. When we try and tell our partners how we feel to only be met with having the situations or concerns dismissed or turned around like we’re crazy or we’re the problem we begin to question ourselves and our worth. When a woman tries to talk to her partner she wants and needs to be understood. A woman is not trying to nag you or create some sort of drama. She’s begging you to put in the effort and care enough.

My brother told me more then once. When a woman is done, she’s done. When she leaves she can’t come back and look at you the same way ever again. She might try, but she can’t forget the pain she felt for so long. She can forgive, but she can’t forget.

Relationships require a “team” mindset, not an “I” mindset. Partners need to ask “what do we want?” Not “what do I want.” I know one thing I strive for is a loving relationship not just a lasting relationship.

Mutual respect and kindness are essential in any relationship. Making each other a priority is important. Love is a two way street. Relationships mean never having to feel like you have to beg for time or attention even though there are times when this does happen because life happens. When it becomes a habit instead of a one off there’s going to be a big problem at some point.

What’s the point of being in a relationship if you can’t or don’t feel comfortable talking to your partner about things that hurt you or bother you? Aren’t we supposed to be each others safe place?

Being seen, heard and understood is what healthy partners want in a relationship. They work as a team not as an I. They are each other’s priority. We are meant to compliment one another. We pick up the pieces when our partner can’t and we know they’ll do the same for us.

I know John and I both talked about our relationship today. We agree that we both want the same thing. A loving and lasting relationship. We will put in the work to make this a reality and thus, Happy 7 years to the man I love. I can’t wait to see what forever holds. I love you.

Well guys, it’s snuggle and cuddle time. Sleep well and don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs