Beware of Narcissist

Happy Thursday,

How are you all on this amazing Friday eve. I hope you are all doing amazing. One more work day for many, then we launch yet into another weekend and boy is this weekend going to be crazy. It’s the weekend before Thanksgiving and once we hit Thanksgiving, Christmas is literally, right around the corner.

What are your plans for Thanksgiving this year? I hope whatever you will be doing your Thanksgiving will be surrounded with all the love of family and friends you can handle.

I’m super excited for Thanksgiving and for the privilege to host. One thing I’m vowing to do this year is take lots of photos. I want to always have reminders of holidays with those I love. Once the moment is over remember it’s gone. We’ll never get it back. So I encourage everyone to get all the photos you can, especially take photos that include our older friends and family members. Time is precious and we can’t ever guarantee when time will be gone.

As Thanksgiving approaches it reminds me of all the things I have to be thankful for. I try and practice gratitude daily, but I do fail more then I like, so I’m a little extra grateful for the holiday season to remind me of everything I am grateful for.

I am so grateful for John. I’m grateful for my kids and family. I’m grateful for my friends and the relationships I’ve been able to build upon over the last 8 years. I’m grateful and blessed to live in such a beautiful home that overlooks the lake. I’m thankful for my surroundings and for having everything I need. I’m grateful to be free of living within the boundaries of a cult and I’m thankful to be free of living with a controlling husband.

I am free to live my life and follow my dreams and I am grateful to have peace in my life.

While I’m not a doctor or therapist of any sorts and I’m not an expert in mental or physical health, I’m just a woman whose lived life for 56 years and I’m an expert at my own life experiences. With that being said, I want you to know that I do a lot of research. I share a ton of quotes. I try and give as many facts as possible.

I feel very strongly based upon my own life experience that I was indeed married to a narcissist. By definition a narcissist is “someone who has little to no empathy, manipulates others, gaslights, lies incessantly, believes their own lies. They make you doubt your emotions and then call you crazy. They rage for absolutely no reason and you end up apologizing. It can be a parent, friend, brother, sister, boss, spouse. In the beginning they love bomb you into believing they are prince/princess charming. They slowly start to abuse you to have you believe you are insane. It’s all to control you. They will isolate you from your family and friends. You will leave the relationship someone you weren’t. You will appear confused, unable to make your own decisions, depressed, anxious and with complex PTSD. So RUN FAR AWAY, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”-UNKNOWN.

I lived this life and it wasn’t easy. I’m sure many of you can relate. I remember if I had an idea or a thought, if I shared it with my then husband and he didn’t agree with is, he’d say I was crazy. If he insulted me and I’d ask him why he felt a certain way, he’d nearly every time reply with, “well, I didn’t mean it that way. You took it wrong.” He didn’t rage all that much, but he would pout or huff and puff. He’d ignore me and make me grovel for his attention. I wasn’t allowed to have friends, at least not friends I was allowed to associate with unless he was present.

I became confused about who I was. I wasn’t able to make a decision of any sorts without second, third or even upwards of 5 or six times of second guessing myself. I sought validation always from other. I was depressed and anxious and it’s carried over into my life outside of the cult and relationship.

I now suffer from extreme PTSD due to a car accident I was in and my previous life definitely makes it worse.

“A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light.” Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.”-Karla Grimes-Woman’s Day.

I think this is a very true statement. A narcissist generally plays the victim and claims their innocence in most, if not aspects of life. I found this to be the case in my situation. Everything seemed to be my fault. He rarely, if ever took accountability for anything and sadly, I didn’t have the courage to open the door and walk out.

I felt sorry for him. Even now, I find I feel sorry for him though my mind tells me he brings on his own unhappiness. I tried and I tried to make him happy, but I couldn’t. I’ve learned it’s not my job to make anyone happy. I can contribute to someone’s happiness, but if a person isn’t happy, then it’s up to them to do some serious soul searching.

Most of my life I felt as though I was climbing a mountain only to fall flat on my face. I’ve become stronger though. I’ve learned I can stand on my own two feet and I’ve learned that in a relationship, it’s all about team work. Sure, there will be times we pull more of the weight, and there will be times our partner carries us, but and I mean but, we need to give our relationships more then 100%, both partners do and we need to do this most of the time.

I believe if we are giving our relationship our all and our partner is too, then there will always be 100% love.

“There are no guarantees in life, but it is a sure thing that you will get back what you give. If you give 100% of your attention, energy and time to a thing, you will get exactly that back. Make sure you give all that you have to make sure you will get all that you need.”-Iyanla Vanzant.

I believe in that, I really do and I believe there are exceptions to every rule. I gave 100% for nearly 3 decades and all I ever received was, “thank you” as a reply to I love you.

“Loving a narcissist feels like pouring your heart into a bottomless pit where no amount of love can ever be enough. In a relationship with a narcissist you may find yourself constantly giving while they keep taking with no end in sight.”-Sophie Cress, LMFT.

I’m not sure a narcissist can truly love. I heard it said about someone who is certified a narcissist that they love the best they can, but in all actuality, they don’t know how to. Such a sad sad sad way to be and I’m not sure they can help it. Maybe it’s the way they’re made? Thoughts? I’d love to hear your perspective on this.

At the end of the day, I can honestly say this: I have no regrets about any of it. Sure, I wish I would have done things differently, but no regrets. I ended up with my sons and I ended up finding my path to John who is my soulmate. He is the man who makes me want to be a better me. He is my person and he has shown me what love is. I am blessed.

“A soulmate is someone who you carry with you forever. It’s the one person who knew you and accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would.”-Dawson’s Creek.

My advice to myself and to anyone who needs to hear it, love shouldn’t be work. Love shouldn’t be lonely and it shouldn’t feel empty and if you feel any of these feelings, maybe it’s time to have a serious talk with your partner. Just my opinion.

Well guys, John and I are heading over to a friends for dinner tonight. I hope you are having a wonderful day and evening. Take care of yourself and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++ Hugs.