My narcissistic ex

Happy Sunday,

How is everyone doing today? All is well here. Can’t believe the weekend is nearly gone, again! Where does time go? Shoot me a text or drop me a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

The last couple of days have been nothing but a blur. Time with my sis and niece. Dinner and a concert last night with Jeannie and my son and his wife, this morning breakfast with my other son and his girlfriend and of course, Grant came along. Dinner tonight with Grant, Tommy and Kaitlyn. Whiskey tasting and dinner with friends tomorrow night for my birthday and then, I think I’m done.

Though it’s been super crazy busy, I’ve loved every moment of the time I’ve had with all the kiddos and my niece and sis. Memories certainly are way more important then cleaning the house, though, I still need to work on my garage. Oh well, it will get done, I hope.

Funny how plans change so drastically and in my case for the last couple of days, they’ve changed for the better. It certainly has been a wonderful birthday weekend. Grant’s even enjoyed hanging out with the older boys. He’s always enjoyed talking with my daughter in laws, but now, he’s finding common ground with Tommy and Kevin, which is nice to see. They’re all adulting together and I’m feeling blessed.

Last night I went to see Craig Campbell in concert and wow, what an amazing show he put on. I even got a photo with Mr. Campbell. Such a nice person. So down to earth. What I think I loved most about his concert was his stories in between songs. He told how some of the songs came to be and he talked about his wife and life outside of music, along with how he became a country singer. The drive to get where he is today. It was an honor meeting him, not because he’s a country star. It’s because he made himself a real person to everyone he talked to on and off the stage.

I felt a little old taking a photo with Mr. Campbell, I mean, most of the gals taking photos with him were mid 20’s to 30’s and here I was, 55 years old, but honestly, I didn’t care. My first official photo with someone of fame.

Life is too short to really care what others think. My friend gifted me VIP tickets for the show and I decided to embrace every moment of the evening. We laughed, sang along, and had the best of times.

“Live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive.”-Matt Cameron

That’s just what I’ve been doing these last few days. Living life to the fullest and enjoying every moment.

On a not so good note;

I got a call last night that really upset me. I received the call right before I was heading out. It was from my nephew who had a big run in, verbally with my ex. It saddened me to hear of the conflict between them and I can’t help but think how sad it is to know my nephew had to deal with the hurtful and verbal outburst of my ex. Nobody deserves to be treated so harshly.

Of course I’m only hearing one side of the story, but knowing my ex as well as I do, I’m pretty sure the story is nearly and completely accurate. Family members know how my ex is and what makes me the saddest, it’s how this affects my sons.

My boys are loyal to a fault and defend both their dad and I. When it comes to our disagreements, they are neutral, however, when it comes to either of us individually, it’s hard on them when they know deep in their soul how their father is, he’s still their dad.

My ex is in the top 10 of being a master manipulator, therefore, his sons have been subject to his abuse since they were infants. He has a way with words and making you feel like it’s your fault. He is so cunning in his ways that you think you’re crazy and you take on this overpowering sense of guilt for his bad behavior.

“A narcissist paint a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspect. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people’s true colors.”-Karla Grimes.

I’ve been separate from my ex for nearly a decade and during these years, I’ve paid a heavy price. I’ve lost family members whom I cared about deeply. I’ve had to rebuild my relationship with my own children, because they only saw what he convinced them of. They are starting to see through his BS, but it’s still a struggle for them. They have three strikes against them right out of the gate.

They were raised in a cult, a high controlling cult. They are products of divorce and their dad is a narcist, in my opinion of course. I’m not a doctor or therapist in anyway, so I can’t formally diagnose him, I can only share my story.

Talking with my nephew last night, he said to me, Aunt Dawna, I now see what you went through and I’m sure I’m not seeing the entire picture, but if your ex can treat me like this, I can’t imagine what you went through.

Sometimes, being validated like this, it helps with the guilt I still struggle with. I told my nephew, I truly believe his uncle, my ex, never loved me. In 30 years together, he could never say the words, I love you.

“Once you’ve made your escape, your abuser will try and win you back. Not because he loves you-to him, you’re just a piece of property he must recover. A runaway slave to be recaptured. That is how he sees you. Don’t ever believe otherwise.”-John Mark Green.

Once I left I knew I could never go back, but it’s still not been easy because I left my sons to pick up his pieces. The good thing is, I never talk bad about their dad to them, so now, they’re finally seeing how he is and how he treats others, including them. They won’t talk about it very often with me, especially my oldest, but, they’re seeing it. I’ve had other family members share what they see when it comes to my ex and kids.

My nephew said to me last night, “when your ex says anything negative or bad about you to either one of your sons, they leave. They have never stuck around for anything negative about you.”

If I had things to do over, I would have left sooner, perhaps they wouldn’t struggle with their dad like they do now, but life has it’s own plan for us and I was certain that it was my price to pay for leaving that I had ruined my relationship with my sons.

I thank God every day for the opportunity to be able to rebuild an even better relationship with them. I am blessed and beyond grateful for what I have with my boys. They are my world and I can’t imagine life without them.

My ex has some serious people lacking skills and he has no filter. He says the first thing that comes to mind, without thinking. He’d rather be right and make you feel like a piece of shit then to salvage a relationship, how sad is that.

My nephew, his nephew by blood, I’m not sure that relationship will ever be okay again. Life is short and to be willing to toss family aside over money or proving a point, I’d rather be poor and wrong and be surrounded by the love of John, our sons, all my nieces and nephews, at least I’d be rich in love.

Well guys, I just needed a moment to vent. Grant and I are headed out to meet Tommy and Kaitlyn for dinner at The Bluewater Grill.

Chat later.

Don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.