A little reminder

Happy Wednesday,

How is everyone doing on this amazing Wednesday afternoon? I do hope you are safe and keeping cool. Holy heck we have been under a heat warning all week. Crazy hitting high temps of 100+. Welcome to summer folks, it is officially here, at least in So. Cal.

Hey, we are half way through the work week. Exciting. I love my weekends. This weekend I think my niece is coming over. Her kiddos are with their dad, so she wants to come and just hang out and do nothing by the lake. John and I have some more unpacking to do, but I figure if we unpack for the morning, then we can enjoy the evening. We do need to catch up on some cleaning too. Lately my time is sparce, so I’m not able to keep up with everything by myself, therefore, I’m seeking some help around the house.

Speaking of unpacking and cleaning, I did run across something that I want to share with everyone, however, I think it’s more of a reminder for me today then anyone. I’m not used to having my home, shall we say, not spotless. UGH! The worst part is, I can’t even motivate myself to start. I’m that off kilter and overwhelmed. I’ll get there though. The good thing is, I am buying out the time to write everyday. I am making this my priority. If I want results from my writing, then I must make the change and treat it as though it is important.

“Your messy home is worthy. Your unplanned meals are worthy. Your tired body is worthy. Your glitchy brain is worthy. Your patchwork heart is worthy. You are worthy. Always. You hear me?”-Nanea Hoffman

Folks, whatever effort we put into making things nice around our homes, it matters. Sure, I’d like things spic and span, but I don’t have the energy anymore to handle it all. The one thing I can handle is doing a little at a time.

I gotta tell you though, I’m too young to be this old. I just found out from my MRI that I have another bulging disc at level T12-L1, along with a perineural cyst at T6-T7. Both of these explain the constant pain in my back and leg. Now to see what the neurologists says to do from here. I have noticed that swimming is helping, even the little bit that John and I do when we float in the lake. I use the time I’m in the floating chair to exercise my legs. I do need to spend more time in the pool.

I never knew how hard it was trying to take care of myself and everything else that I need to take care of, or should I say, what I feel like I need to take care of.

My therapist says when I get stressed I need to breathe. Inhale, 1.2.3.4.5. HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Release slowly, 1.2.3.4.5. Ahhhh, now don’t we feel better? Do it again if you need to. Close your eyes and breathe in 1.2.3.4.5. HOLD IT! HOLD IT! Exhale slowly, 1.2.3.4.5. If you aren’t feeling better, then check in with your body. Keep your eyes closed and do the breathing again, but this time, really chime into where you are feeling your stress. Concentrate on that area and try to release it. One inhale and exhale at a time.

Dr. Gomez also told me that I have to set boundaries for myself, otherwise, I’ll fall into old patterns that I used to have. I’ll be honest. I still struggle with just sitting in my recliner writing. Don’t get me wrong, I love every minute of it, yet in the back of my mind, I’m thinking about all the things I need to complete. The problem with this is, I’m not 100% present in the moment. I am working on that though.

I think that’s what one would consider OCD, perhaps even PTSD. Let me explain.

One thing I learned about myself in therapy was, the reason I’m so compulsive about cleaning is because when I was a child and teen, it was my job to clean the house. Mother had started her second family and had two small kids who are 12 and 15 years younger then me. Her husband felt Mother should be able to just enjoy her babies, so my chores around the house increased. If I didn’t have the house clean, dishes done, laundry folded and put away, I’d be beat.

In the back of my mind, when things aren’t clean, I somehow go back to the fear of being beat for not having the house chores done to a certain level of the husbands expectations.

The compulsive need to have things cleaned is ingrained in me. It’s trigger when I see certain things in my home not done. I’ve talked to John about this and he’s doing everything he can to help me, which I do appreciate.

Sometimes, we have to say no to certain requests from people and that’s okay. Believe me. I know it’s not easy saying no to people, but for our own well-being, we have to at times. I’m also learning that it’s okay to have certain expectations for your own space. In families, that requires team work.

In my previous life I was younger and had more energy. I was in good shape and not in constant pain. Now, I have to show myself a little grace and realize, I can’t do it all anymore. I can’t be the shuttle service, the cook, the cleaner, dishwasher,the laundry mat, the grocery shopper, the dog walker. My body is tired, yet I need the reminder, even though my body is tired, it is worthy. When I forget things or get frustrated because I’ve lost my thought, it’s okay, my glitchy brain is worthy.

My heart has been broken and John has put it back together. My patchwork heart is worthy. Even though I’m not cooking meals to the level I used to, the meals I do prepare are worthy. My home might not be as clean as it used to be, but it is worthy. I am worthy and when I take time to sit and write and I neglect vacuuming or going to the grocery store, I’m still worthy. Always! I am worthy and so are you.

We are all worthy of happiness. We all need to make ourselves a priority.

Yesterday The Mindful Migraine Blog shared this description of how important it is to take care of ourselves. I thought you might enjoy it as much as me:

If our watering can runs dry, we have nothing left to give and how sad that would be. We all have amazing gifts to give to others. To think they might miss out on our ability to share them, well, that just might be our own biggest let down.

Let’s try to never let ourselves down. Sometimes we just need to take a moment to turn the hose on and refill our watering cans and that’s okay. Our loved ones will understand.

Now go take a moment for yourself and if now isn’t a good time, try to buy out a little time each day, even if it’s just 15 minutes. You deserve that and so do I.

I hope this little reminder of just how amazing you all are is helpful. I hope it brightened your day.

Take care of yourselves and don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.