Overdrive

Happy Wednesday,

We are officially half way through the week and I think it’s safe to say, we’re ready to embark on another weekend. Does anyone have plans this weekend? Looks like the weather is supposed to be nice. Shoot me a text or drop a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

This weekend is going to be a super busy one for me again. Friday morning I’ll be planting veggies in our little community garden, then Friday evening my niece, daughter-in-law, future daughter-in-law and their moms will be coming over for a slumber party. We’ll go have some Mexican food and margaritas, then home to watch chick flicks and of course, I’m sure we’ll have lots of talking going on too. Sunday is our girl tribe luncheon and then Monday, ugh, DMV. I have an appointment, so hopefully that goes rather quickly.

Last night as I climbed into bed and started drifting off to sleep, my friend called me. I was a little shocked, but delighted to talk to her. She buried her daughter yesterday and I wasn’t sure she would be in the mindset to talk to anyone. Surprisingly though, she was okay. As okay as one can be when they bury a loved one.

We talked for over an hour. She talked about the burial and how she actually watched the casket be lowered into the ground. As the casket was being lowered, those that attended took the flowers that had laid on top and tossed them into the ground where this amazing young lady was being laid to rest. My friend described it in so much detail how she buried her daughter.

Talking about this experience I think, in some way allowed her to let go of some of her pain.

During our conversation, my friend was talking through her feelings. Gosh, I can’t even imagine standing over my child’s grave. Anyway, as my friend was talking through what she was feeling, she said something that really was, I believe, her aha moment. She said, “I have to hold onto knowing that my daughter isn’t in pain anymore. I have to hold onto knowing that her life wasn’t going to be easy and it would be filled with a lot of suffering, but now, she’s a peace.”

What a loving thing to say. Never has she said, “why her. Why did my daughter have to die.” Instead, she saw the suffering her daughter had been enduring for the last few years. Granted, nobody knew she had cancer. That was a huge surprise, but my friends daughter had been enduring MS for the last 9 years and the disease was truly, taking a toll on her overall health.

My friend talked with complete grace about letting go of her beautiful daughter. “I have to believe, God knew her life was going to become even more difficult and He knew, the suffering was in itself, killing her slowly.”

Towards the end of our conversation, my friend talked about going back to work tomorrow. I asked her if she was sure she was ready and she sort of paused, like, why was I asking that. I told her that during the times we’ve spent together over the last couple of weeks, she’s been in a state of overdrive. She thanked me for that word, overdrive. She said she’ been struggling to put her mindset into words and overdrive describes it all.

She hasn’t taken even a moment to grieve, other than at the funeral services on Saturday and at the burial yesterday. She has been in non stop, overdrive. Her mind is spinning and she hasn’t even sat in the moment.

Today, she’s going to the gravesite to lay some flowers down and she feels this need to just be there. I told her I thought that was a wonderful idea, then I told her, whatever feelings arise or don’t arise, they are her feelings and there is no right or wrong. “Whatever you feel, it’s okay.”

I am sending her lots of love and prayers today. As her mind shifts from overdrive to reality, she’ll experience an array of emotions and feelings. She told me last night, “none of this seems real. I feel like I’m in a bad dream.”

“We cannot find peace when the mind rages war against the heart, when we fight with our thoughts that pull at our love.”-Dragos Bratasanu.

When we are in overdrive, we aren’t allowing ourselves to stop and sit in the discomfort of what is happening in our life. We aren’t fully engaged in our reality. We are either consciously or unconsciously avoiding the pain to the reality that is sitting right in front of us.

According to thiswayup.org.au, “when anxiety or worry goes into overdrive, it becomes difficult to control, happens too often, or stops us from doing the things that are important, it can become challenging. Anxiety in overdrive can impact our relationships, sleep, mood, our physical and overall wellbeing.”

Being in overdrive is stimulating our fight- or- flight responses. Being in a fight-or-flight response is like having our car alarm go off just because, for no reason, other than, it goes off.

Our fight-or-flight response is “our internal alarm system-but sometimes, it can get it wrong.”-Thiswayup.org.

For me, I’m constantly, in one way or another, always in fight-or-flight overdrive. According to my therapist, this can be reprogramed. I have the ability, with much more therapy, to reprogram my brain to judge if the situations in my life are real or false. When a person in in overdrive, it’s a way to deal with situations they aren’t ready to cope with. Learning to cope, or taking the time to sit in the discomfort, helps us release, reset and start again.

My friend is in overdrive right now like many of us. Her mind is trying to find the right time for her to face head on the loss of her daughter. God knows she is hurting and He knows how to help her navigate her way to a new normal without her daughter. Life will never be the same for my friend, but, with her outlook and focus on her daughter not suffering anymore, well, maybe that’s God’s way of helping her cope. She has an exceptionally strong faith, and He knows she needs his guidance and warm embrace right now.

When we are in overdrive, reality isn’t completely, if at all, in check. Avoidance seems to come to the fore, at least that’s the case for me. I lose site of all rational when I’m in the fight-or-flight mode, but I’m learning to understand the difference between whether a threat is real or perceived, and I’m learning to react proportionately to a threat, if indeed, it is real.

Breathe in. 1.2.3.4.5. Hold it! Hold it! Release, 1.2.3.4.5. Again, breathe in, 1.2.3.4.5. Hold it! Hold it! Release, 1.2.3.4.5.

Do this a couple of times to reset where your mind is. Do this to refocus from the negative and find a place of positive. You’ve got this. I know, even though I doubt myself sometimes, a lot of the time, I know I got this too.

When we practice the breathing techniques, this can help us change how we are approaching or viewing the anxiety that has put our minds into overdrive and believe me, it’s okay to take a moment for yourself. We all need those little moments to just sit in the quiet. Pray. Meditate. Indulge in the scents of lavender or another favorite fragrance. Take a hot bath, or get out in nature and enjoy the birds chirping or the wind blowing. Whatever or wherever you find peace, go to that place and calm your mind. Get out of overdrive. Relax and reflect.

While I’m no doctor or therapist, I do believe in their work and practices. Some methods fit while others don’t. If you find yourself in a moment of distress, I encourage you to seek immediate medical advice. My suggestions for releasing any type of mental or physical distress within, is only my opinion. There are experts out there that can help.

I can only write and tell you about my own personal experiences or the experiences of friends and loved ones who have shared their journey and story.

Well guys, speaking of medical professionals, I must get ready for my mental health therapy that I have in a couple of hours.

Take care of yourselves. There are people out there that care about you and please don’t forget, you are uniquely and wonderfully made.

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.