Little Pieces

Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing today? How did your wonderful weekend go? I would love to hear from you, so please don’t forget to shoot me a text or better yet, drop me a comment here. I promise to get back to you soon.

My weekend was a nice one. Saturday night I went to celebrate Jagger’s dad’s 60th birthday and yesterday I went and had lunch with my friend Jeannie. I am so blessed to have a friend like her. She’s so much like John. When I told her that, she laughed and said it was because they are both monkeys. Both were born in the year of the monkey. She’s amazing and I’m grateful to have her in my life.

My podcast is up and running and doing well for just launching. I received my first like on my other blog, and it was super exciting. I told John, the neat thing about the like I got, it was from someone I don’t know. For some reason, those types of likes are awesome because it makes me feel like maybe I’m reaching someone and as you all know, that’s the reason and passion behind my writings. So, thank you everyone who gives me a thumbs up, they never go unnoticed, and they are so appreciated.

Today, I thought I would talk a little bit about how much I’ve grown over the last couple of years. I saw this wonderful little quote and it really resonated with me. Yesterday morning when I got up, I went downstairs and John had opened the windows and the front door, of course we have a screen, anyway, he was out getting donuts, just what my booty needs, but it was a yummy cinnamon crumb donut he brought me back. Oh, back to the windows being open. You see, when I was in the cult, Sundays were always a day I had to get up, rush around to make sure things were done so we could get to church, and I used to think how nice it would be to just get up on a Sunday, open the windows and just enjoy the morning and today, it hit me, I’m getting to do that now. I know it must sound silly, but when you are raised in such a high controlling religion, they pretty much dictate your life, right down to how your household is run and I followed the rules, and today, I realized, I’m still a good person, and I get to breathe. I enjoyed just having my doors and windows open, that is until the heat was too hot and I had to turn on the air.

Just being able to decide if I would go to church is a privilege. It was in this moment that I thanked the Universe for giving me free will, something I don’t believe I ever had before. The ironic thing about life now is, I read my Bible more, I talk to God every day and I try and learn something new every day. John spent much of yesterday day researching something for our podcast and that something has him researching the Bible. Never in the cult did I ever spend a day like we spent yesterday and enjoying it. I truly do feel so much closer to my creator now.

How fitting the quote, I ran across. “The girl I used to be, she’s a lot like me, with a heart that holds little pieces of everything she’s ever loved and even what didn’t love her back. Sometimes it gets heavy. But the difference between the girl I used to be and the one I am now, that I finally learned how to love someone and let them go. I don’t have to carry the pieces to prove it happened. The girl I used to be, taught me that. My heart is heavy with peace now; a lesson learned the hard way that I would not trade for anything.”-Stephanie Bennett-Henry.

I do hold onto little pieces of everything I ever loved because those pieces were the steppingstones to getting me where I am today. The cult/religion I was in, it didn’t love me back, it shunned me the moment I had questions, it cut me off and every one of my friends now treats me like I don’t exist. I’m dead to them. A few weeks ago, I was invited to Pechanga to enjoy the pools and a cabana. My son got it for me and my daughter in law along with some people she knows. My daughter in law is always so loving to me, yet one person who I know was there and this person used to be a friend. She couldn’t hardly look at me. She even went to the lengths to eat somewhere else. I did get a hello from her, but it was one that she made sure I knew was one she didn’t want to say. While situations like this still hurt, I’ve learned that it’s her issue, not mine. I’ll just remember the fun times we used to have together and let the rest go (still working on that).

I have to let go of my mother choosing her religion over me. My uncle told me to try and not feel bad that she hasn’t spoken to me in six years, she hasn’t spoken to her other daughter either and you know what, it’s Mother that’s missing out on two amazing daughters. We’re both just fine.

I’ve learned that even though there are some that I loved, I let them go, neither deserved my love and it’s them that lost out on being loved by me. I recently spoke to one of these lost loves and he said, “I am glad John makes you happy and loves you the way you deserve, because I’ll never have anyone in my life again.” I told this person, I hope you do find love and a little advice from the person who gave you her heart completely, ‘learn to give love, say I love you and make her feel loved, because every woman needs to hear, I love you.’

The little pieces of my life are the things that make me who I am. Someone said this to me this morning, “if I didn’t let go of the bad relationship I was in, I would never have met my husband, fallen in love and been able to enjoy the most amazing romance of all time.” If I didn’t let go of my past love, then I wouldn’t have John.

I suppose a person needs to hold onto those little pieces of their life. Maybe they’re steppingstones, perhaps they’re growing pains or simply a collage of moments, some good, some not so good, none-the-less, they are our little moments and like Aunt Billie always says, “I did it my way, with little to no regrets, I did it my way.”

My heart is at peace, finally. Sure, I still have my ups and downs, however, I can finally be okay with me most of the time. Life is yet to take another turn and for the first time, I’m okay with it. I have some fears, but I’m okay. I talk to God more and I give him my burdens and the Universe is guiding me to where I need to be. This morning while talking with God, I was given a sign that my business idea is on track to do well.

Last night for the very first time ever, I looked at John and said, “I am a good writer.” I finally see it. Not all my writings are good, yet overall, most are, and I feel good about what I write. I am embracing my talents with art and I’m loving it. I can’t wait for Christmas this year because I’m creating things for those I love.

The pieces of my life, the broken ones especially are the ones that I have held onto so tightly and I’m releasing them now, I don’t need to carry them with me any longer. I’ve loved with my whole heart, and I’ve finally released the guilt of not loving myself enough to expect that I be loved back. I’m sweeping those little broken pieces up and throwing them away. I’m moving forward and I’m going to prove to myself that I can do this life and make myself proud to simply be me.

Every piece of life teaches us a lesson and every piece helps us to grow. Life is a lesson and hopefully we can all learn something new and grow each and every day. As one of my loves once said, “it’s always a good day when you learn something new.”

I do hope you all have the greatest of days and please drop me a comment or shoot me a text and if you do nothing more today, don’t forget to Love Life++