Evolve and Trust

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing this fine Tuesday? All is well here for the most part. I am excited about launching my podcast this week. I will let you in on a little secret though, I am nervous. I think because I don’t want to let the Universe down. I want to be able to speak from the heart all while presenting the message that God wants me to get across. I do hope you all will at least chime in a couple of times and give me feedback on my channel, it’s the only way I will be able to correct things and become better at my goals. My goal in a nutshell, simply to help people the way I’ve been helped. I don’t fear my creator anymore, I cherish the relationship I’m building with him and though I make many mistakes in life, I know he’s there to pick me up and help me get back on the right path.

I’m so excited about my life right now. I feel good and it’s an entirely new feeling, because looking back on my life, I don’t think I ever felt this comfortable with even talking about God. Go figure. Being raised in a cult, and being ordered to preach, you would think I would have felt comfortable talking about God, however, I believe now, I didn’t trust or believe the message, because if I did, I wouldn’t have left the church, and I would have been able to defend my beliefs. I am so thankful that I had the courage to ask my first Bible question to John, who kindly read the verses I challenged him with in context and from there, he showed me how to reason, then, I was able to start over in building a life, building a new way of thinking and gaining a sense of peace over a sense of fear when it came to God.

“Start over, my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to: -Madalyn Beck.

When I saw that quote, I immediately thought of my dear friend who for the first time in as long as I can remember, had a glow about her. She has a happiness about her, and her smile lit up the entire room when we met the other day to have a bite and chat. I think life may just be giving her a second chance at loving herself and I couldn’t be happier for her.

My friend is selfless in so many ways. She’s for sure passionate about her belief system and she’s taught me that it’s okay to believe, not only in a God, but in our ability to connect with him on a different level if we are open to it. I’ve started my life over and the second half has to be more amazing then the first half. The first half allowed me to be a mom and raise to incredible sons and receive into my life two amazing daughters and those gifts are priceless and I wouldn’t change a thing, because I have those four precious people in my life.

“It’s easy to look back and question decisions you have made in the past, but it’s unfair to punish yourself for them. You can’t blame yourself for not knowing back then what you know now, and the truth is, you made each decision for a reason, based on how you were feeling at the time. As we grow up, we learn, and we evolve. Maybe the person you are now would have done things differently back then, or maybe you are the person you are now because of the decisions you made back then. Trust the journey, it’s all going to make sense soon.”-powerofwordz.

One thing that just came to mind is this, being raised in a cult, I wasn’t allowed to evolve, nor was my husband at the time and when I began waking up, I was evolving, and he wasn’t. He didn’t want to know or accept the truth; he didn’t want to learn and be open to other ideas, he didn’t grow in knowledge or understanding, he simply took in the propaganda that the religion was telling him. He would from time to time make comments about things, but he wouldn’t challenge it. The religion did his thinking for him and when I wanted to think for myself, that created the greatest barrier between us. If I asked him to research things with me, he would simply say, just pray about it.

Prayer is a good thing, it’s amazing to be able to pour your heart out to a higher being, and no matter how you believe, sometimes just being able to express yourself openly and honestly, can allow us to come away from that experience feeling a sense of calm. I love evolving and trusting my journey. I know I will make mistakes along the way, and that’s okay, as long as I learn something and grow from my experiences.

Not sure why this just came to mind, but the other day I went up to John, put my arms around his neck and kissed him and he looked at me and said, “I can see the love for me in your eyes again.” I told him I’ve always loved him, and it’s never changed, but he said there are times he can actually see the love I have for him in my eyes. Maybe he’s getting his wish and I’m finally starting to love myself, just a little, and that love is projected to him in my eyes. I do love him so, so much, Shhh, don’t tell him that maybe I’m perhaps learning to love myself. Anyway, if nothing else, I’m feeling confident in my path, and in my choice to publish my book, oh, not sure if I told you all, but the book is done!!!! Now to finish the editing process and run a final draft and get it published. Maybe that will be my Christmas gift to myself. I finished it before my birthday, so I’m excited about that.

I suppose what I’m trying to say here is this, we all made choices and though we’d like to go back and tell our younger self to do things differently, we can’t and even if we could, just think of those little things that you probably wouldn’t have now if we would have made a different choice. I think for me, I would not have gotten married at seventeen, then I realize I wouldn’t undo that choice, because I look at my sons and know, if I would have done one thing different, they wouldn’t be here and they are my biggest blessing and my biggest accomplishment in this life. They are my world and I love them.

Don’t look at life with regrets as Aunt Billie always says. Each and every path we have taken has got us to where we are today and if we don’t like where we are, it’s okay to start over my loves, it really is and though it be a scary thing, sometimes we find something so wonderful, something we couldn’t image our life without. My something is John and my freedom from a high controlling, narcissistic cult and guess what, my sons still love me.

I would love to hear from you all and get your feedback. I promise to give you my channel name once John finishes setting it up. I think on that note, I’ll wrap this blog up.

Though I have a bad cold right now, I am committed to exercising at least thirty minutes a day, and it’s time for me to swim some laps before I start on my writing again. I do hope you all have a wonderful day and until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++