My Own Pottery Hands

Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing today? We are one step closer to the weekend, so I’ll ask the inevitable question, what are your plans? I really don’t have anything major happening, other than BBQing a tri-tip. My brother has been here since Saturday and the one thing he asked for was a tri-tip since they are hard to come by where he lives. So today, I’ll begin the marinating process. It’s been a while since I’ve prepped a tri-tip, but I am excited to see how it turns out. Oh, I’ve been looking to buy a car. I need something reliable, however, until I finish some personal things, I don’t want to get caught up in high payments. I’ve been looking at little mini coopers and I actually drove one yesterday and all I can say is, OMGoodness, I was instantly in love. What a fun little car. Hoping to find an older one that is still in good shape. Fingers crossed.

So, with having to get a car, it seems like it’s put me into a dark place again in my thoughts. I’ve been feeling so trapped within myself. You see, there are times that I struggle with depression. I fail to let go and let God and that is something I am finally aware of within myself. I find myself, especially these last couple of days, repeating, out loud, let go, let God. When I am in a calm place in my thinking, I can reflect on the fact that I’ve never gone without. I’ve always been provided for and had all my necessities met. I know right now I’m simply being tested or challenged and I’m the one giving myself the biggest challenge because I’m lacking in faith, I’m relying too much on myself. Funny, I strongly believe that we need to put our faith in God or the Universe at the same time, I feel you have to work for what you want. It’s definitely a balancing act.

Over the last six years I walked away from being on top of the world, making really good money to hitting rock bottom and making zero money. I’ve had it all and had it all taken away. When I chose to leave my marriage, my ex had and has the mindset, that he didn’t ask me to leave, so why should I have any of our combined assets. Sadly, he’s been able to hide money and accounts and it’s a struggle getting those things found out. I have to rely on my strong belief system of letting go and letting God. I have to have faith that God will help me and allow me to get back what my ex has taken. I have to believe since I’m not trying to take it all, but only what I’m entitled too, then at the right time, I will get my portion of the assets.

So, with needing to get a car, I’ve put myself in a position of an inner struggle. Like I’ve been telling John, I want a little car that is reliable and can get me around town to handle doctor’s appointments and going to the store and such. I know within the next couple of years when my book starts selling, I’ll be able to buy a new car, if I want. I think my lesson here is patience. So, guys, this has been my struggle these last couple of weeks. Right now, I’m able to use my aunt’s car, but my cousin is selling it for top dollar and according to my mechanic, it needs almost $2,000 in repairs, so, that prices me right out of my budget. John keeps reassuring me not to worry, but it’s not easy.

Enough about my problems and onto the positive. I saw this wonderful quote that I wanted to share. I’ve read it a couple of times over the last couple of days and I’ve come to really connect with it. “She is a beautiful piece of broken pottery, put back together by her own hands, and a critical world judges her cracks while missing the beauty of how she made herself whole again.”-J.M. Storm. I connect with this because when I chose to leave my 30+ year marriage, I broke. I crumbled into so many pieces that I never thought I would recover from. Honestly, I wonder still, if I’ll ever be completely whole again. I do know this though, for the first time in my life, I’m doing things I never thought possible. I’m writing this blog, which by the way has hit 79 countries, I’m in the process of three books and I write articles on a volunteer basis for one of the local papers. When I write, I’m in my element. I love to see the words hit the paper. I love the feel of the keys as my fingers glide across them on the keyboard, and one of my favorite things is to get little comments from my readers. When I write for the paper, it makes me feel good knowing that I can write something that helps others.

One thing that I loved about this quote was how the world sees the cracks in others, instead of the beauty that makes up those cracks. I know what it’s like to be judged. Leaving not only my marriage, but a cult, I’ve been judged to levels that I can see why those that are and continue to be shunned, especially by their families commit suicide. You see, when you leave the cult/religion in which I left, you don’t just walk away, you are shunned, even by your family. The people who were a part of your life, the only life you ever knew, turn their backs on you and will have absolutely nothing to do with you, simply for not believing the same way they do anymore.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve grown so much with my relationship with God. I’m no longer a part of a religion/cult, but I’m so much more spiritual. I talk to God for the first time like he’s my friend and he’s done so much for me. The Universe has helped me put myself back together again and continues to help me. Molding myself with my own hands, making my way in life and actually making decisions on my own is something I’ve never done before. I’m so blessed that John is the type of partner that talks with me, helps guide me, but never barks orders at me or tells me what to do. He listens and we work together and when I make a decision on my own, he supports it.

I love to sit and visualize the art in molding oneself into a masterpiece. I love to work with my hands and create things, maybe that’s why writing is so important to me. I use my hands to create stories and tell my own story of life. Imperfections and all in my writing, it’s still my own work of art and I know not everyone enjoys what I write, and that’s okay, we don’t always have to like everything about each other, however, being able to appreciate our differences is what makes life an amazing journey and it helps us grow. It’s truly amazing what you can learn from someone’s experiences, if you really listen that is. “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”-Robin Williams. Those we meet might not be fighting a battle right now, but I’m sure they’ve fought many a battle and there’s so much to learn from them. Just sayin’.

My wish for all of you and for myself is, no matter how broken you are, no matter how many pieces you have crumbled into, you are loved, you are valued and as you begin to grow again, I hope you see the beauty in molding yourself back together and becoming the person you were meant to be. You are all masterpieces, cracks and all.

Well guys, I’m off to see about finding me a car. Wish me luck and until next time my dear friends and readers, don’t forget, Love Life++