I’m Still Your Mom

Happy Wednesday,

How is everyone doing this fine Wednesday afternoon? I do hope you’re all doing well, staying safe and hopefully finding a cool place to get out of the heat. Everything is going well here with me. Still trying to settle into the new routine of living in Canyon Lake. I find myself still just sitting in my chair or on my bed looking out the window at the lake. This morning I enjoyed seeing all the kiddos and teens at the park that is just beyond my back patio. It looks like they are in a camp program. I’m also enjoying watching moms pushing their little ones on the swings and then there’s a few families enjoying swimming in the lake. I think if I keep this up, I won’t get to my to do list and it’s a pretty big one. So, I’ll continue to enjoy for just a bit longer all the activities happening right out my back door while I write the blog, then I must get to getting things done around here.

I wanted to write about something that is close to my heart, my sons. I was on Facebook last night and ran across a post from a friend of mine. Her son is battling cancer right now and I know she is doing everything humanly possible to help her son fight his toughest battle. I can’t imagine what she is going through and I’m in awe of her, because certainly doesn’t show her fears. She’s not only her son’s rock, she’s his mom. The post she shared speaks volumes to the love a mother has for her child. “When you no longer listen or care what I say, I’m still your mom. When you decide I’m old fashioned and want to go your own way, I’m still your mom. When you talk back, complain and argue, I’m still your mom. When you figure you know more than I do, I’m still your mom. When you move away and take a piece of my heart with you, I’m still your mom. And I will love you still as much as the first day I held you in my arms. I’m still your mom. And I will pray for you and make sure your wings are strong enough to soar. I’m still your mom. I’ll want what’s best and will sacrifice my plans for yours, I’m still your mom. I’ll always have room for you and a hug to welcome you. I’m still your mom. And until my last breath, I’ll keep carrying your love with me, and I will thank God every day for the privilege and joy it’s been, to be called-your mom.”

This poem is just a glimpse into the heart of a mom who loves her child so deeply that she will never stop loving her child, no matter what. As a mother myself, I can tell you, there is absolutely nothing in this entire world that would change the love I have for my sons. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about them, wonder how they are and hope that they are living the best day ever. I’m proud of the men they’ve become and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. Their happiness is so important to me and I’d do anything to make sure they are happy, healthy and well in this crazy life.

When a child gets sick, we moms kick into high gear and tend to their needs. My friend Jacqui has done just that. She is at her sons side, battling just as hard, if not harder then he is to fight this horrible disease. I’m sure she gets tired, but she’ll never show that to her son. I know she probably cries into her pillow at night when he’s had a bad day, but he’ll never see her fear. She puts her needs and wants aside and has stepped up to the plate to fight and I know she’ll help her son win this battle. She is a mom. She is mom and more importantly, she’s Deven’s mom.

The greatest gift I’ve ever received came twofold. I became mom to Tommy, then to Kevin. I carried these babies within my womb for nine months. From the moment I knew they were there, they became my world. I fell in love with them and my love for them has grown even stronger as time goes on. I had really difficult pregnancies’, and the doctors were never certain I’d carry them to term, let alone, ever be able to deliver them, but I did and God gave me two of the greatest miracles ever conceived. I promised my creator from the moment I knew the boys existed that I’d do everything motherly possible to ensure they grew up to be men he’d be proud of. I’m sure I made tons of mistakes along the way, but I am certain of one thing, I did the best I could.

My friend Jacqui is the definition of what a mom is. She carries herself with dignity and grace. She is fearless to all us onlookers and with every update about her sons battle, she is love. I know all of us mom’s out there love our children as she does. I know we all would put on the armor of motherhood and battle for our children, no matter what. If our children, no matter how old they are were challenged with a disease, we’d be there fighting along side them. If our children made a mistake, we’d be there to support them as the made things right. No matter what, our love for our children only grows stronger.

I am by nature an observer. I watch what other’s do and adopt the good things and try and avoid the negatives. As a daughter in law once upon a time, my mother in law never cared for me. Looking back, that was okay, however, being in the mix of it, it impacted me in a way that I never felt good enough. I allowed her dislike for me to make me weak. I cared so much what she thought of me. I wasted time trying to please her, that I gave her power over me. As a mother in law myself, I pray I never treat my girls the way she treated me. I was never good enough for her or for her son. Funny, I don’t think anyone would of been good enough for any of her sons. I can sit here and say she was a mean woman, but I prefer to say, she was an overly protective mom who loved her son and only wanted what was best for him. I didn’t agree with the way she handled things, but I’m grateful to her for teaching me how to be a better mom to my sons wives.

I will always feel that Tommy married the girl of our dreams. Katie is the most remarkable young woman I know. She loves my son the way I loved his dad at one time. Her love for Tommy is pure and genuine and her love has given me the strength to stand back and let them live their lives without me butting in. I hope to never be the mother in law that interferes or gives my opinion to the point of causing her any pain and God forbid, I ever cause him to feel torn between me and his wife. I will always love Tommy and I’ll support his every decision, because the decisions he makes in life are his and Katie’s, not mine. I pray I never make her feel like she isn’t good enough. I pray I never hurt her with making her feel like I don’t love her and support her as a wife and maybe someday a mother.

Kevin is now dating the girl of our dreams. Jagger is full of life. She is always positive and upbeat and she has a mind of her own. She is fearless when it comes to her beliefs and I respect her so much. I am grateful to her for loving my son the way she does. I am thankful for her parents, who treat my son as family. I hope Jagger knows that I will always respect her relationship with Kevin and I will never, intentionally cause her to feel as though she isn’t loved or respected by me. She is already, my daughter and I love her like I love Katie.

I have taken on the roll as a step mom in training with Johns boys. It’s a roll that I’m treading lightly with, yet it is one that I hope I can do well at. I know they have a mother and I will never try to take her place. I am not their mom, but I can be a mom to them. I can love them the way I love my boys and I do. Step momin’ it is a whole new ballgame. There’s tons to learn and I know I’ll make mistakes with Grant and Tate too, I just hope to learn from the mistakes and I hope they both know that even when I mess up, my love doesn’t change. I hope they know, when they mess up, I still love them too. I love them unconditionally, the same way I love my sons unconditionally.

Being a mom, whether a child comes from within your body or they chose you to adopt them or you step up as a step parent, a mother’s love is unmovable. As a mom, I can tell you, I don’t look at any of my four boys differently. It doesn’t matter who came from within my body and who came from the womb of another women, they all have a piece of my heart. They are all unique individuals who have their own set of dealt issues, and that’s okay. My love for them is the same. I signed up to be a mom and a step mom and I will take that roll with me to my grave.

Though my life has taken many different turns and though I’ve made mistakes, I’m still a mom. I am mom and I’ll forever be mom to Tommy and Kevin and I’ll always be a mom to Grant and Tate if they chose me to fill that roll. I am thankful for my boys and being able to see them grow up into the finest young men I’ve ever known. No matter what happens in my life, I am still their mom. I love my boys with my whole heart and there is absolutely nothing in this world that could change that.

Tommy and Kevin, no matter what I do or have done in my life, you are truly the greatest accomplishment of all time. I never imagined how much I could love someone, that is, until I held you in my arms. I might change my direction in life, yet I will continue to work towards being a better version of me, a better mom to you, however, the one thing that will never change is, I’m still your mom. I’ll always be, your mom. I love you guys forever and always.

Well guys, that’s about all I have to say on this subject for now. I hope you all have the greatest of days and hey, maybe find a little time to hug your kiddo today. Some moms are having to hug even tighter as they struggle to help their children fight unthinkable battles, and sadly, there’s some moms that wish they could have one more hug from a child that is no longer here with us. Life is precious. Cherish every little moment. Our kids grow up faster than we like and they venture out into the world as fearless men and women, the men and women that we raised. Moms are warriors to their children. Hold on tight to your roll and remember, we aren’t just mom’s, we are our children’s biggest support, through the good, the bad and whatever else life throws at them. Mom is more than a title, it is a roll of honor.

Have a wonderful rest of your day and don’t forget, Love Life++