Love…

Happy Friday,

How are you all doing this fine Friday? Any plans for the weekend? Anyone heading out of town for the holidays? Keep those text and messages coming, you know I love to hear from you all. Not too much to report here. I might get to go see all the fun Christmas lights tonight. John said we might get to go. I sure love seeing all the holiday spirit and lights and decorations. Something about the lights makes me so happy. This week has been a bit of a challenge, but thankfully I was able to have some time last night talking with my niece then I got to finish the evening off talking with John. They always make me feel better. Sometime I think just being able to talk out what’s racing through my head really helps. I found out my insurance will pay for me to get a scooter. I’m excited about that, however, I want to see if they’ll let me pay the difference for the one I want. We’ll see what happens after I meet with my doctor on the 29th. Wish me luck!!

Today I wanted to touch on the subject of love. What does it mean to me? What does it mean to you? There are so many different types of love. Sometimes I wonder if people use the term “I love you” too loosely? Love can be used to express a “great interest or pleasure in something.” It can be used to express “deep feeling of affection for someone.”-oxfordlanguages.com. I looked up some of the different types of love and I came across 7. You have the Philia love which is affectionate love. This is the kind of love between friends and family, it wouldn’t be what you have between you and your romantic partner. Then we have pragma love, which is an enduring love. Storge love which is a familiar kind of love. Eros is the romantic love and ludus love is playful. Mania love is an obsessive love, where philautia love is self love and finally, agape love. Agape love is a selfless love.

With so many ways to love, it still makes me wonder how so many of us can go through life not feeling loved. I know a couple years ago when my ex and I first split up, I went to lunch with my future daughter in law and she asked me why we split. You see, I’ve never had a sit down conversation with any of my kiddos about why I left, I’ve only left it on the table for them to be able to approach me anytime if they wanted to know. I feel my divorce is between their dad and me and though they are affected by it, it’s still our issue, not theirs. I never wanted to burden them. Anyway, during my lunch with Jagger, I told her she could ask me anything and I would do my best to answer her questions and I hope I did. One thing that really stood out to me was when I asked her why she thought I left. She said Kevin never really talked about it, however, he did tell her that he thought I never felt loved. It’s amazing, because when I left I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine and I told her I was desperate to feel love. I thought I was hiding my loneliness and sadness from my sons, but I guess not.

From my own experience, I will tell you this. I think understanding the five love languages and knowing not only which love language you are, but which one your partner is can make for the best of relationships, or the worst. I was talking with someone yesterday about this very subject and she was telling me how each of her children loves differently. When you think about it, it really is amazing. Having three kids all within 2 years of age from each other and they all love differently. One needs quality time, one needs words of affirmation and the other needs physical touch. My boys, being raised in the same home, same parents, same rules, they love differently too. I’m learning that when we love differently, first, it’s okay, second, it’s so important to recognize it and if you can’t accept it from your partner, then its very possible we will be in for a very sad relationship.

What are the five love languages? Quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch and gifts. For me, I need time for just us. I need to hear I love you and I need kisses and hugs. It’s always nice to have help around the house or with a project and gifts are nice too, but the greatest gift you can give me is to express your love for me and tell me that you love me. Women need to feel loved. Women need to hear they are loved. During a conversation last night with someone close to me, I was told that this persons friends feels unappreciated by her husband. You see, this person makes sure her husband is taken care of. She had a outdoor kitchen installed for him as she knows he likes to bbque. She went the extra mile and had a custom covering put over this bbque to keep him cool and comfortable. She had installed a special floor so his back wouldn’t hurt while enjoying his barbque. She had a TV and stereo system installed for his enjoyment. While talking with her hubby this week, she asked him if he’s done any Christmas shopping as of yet and he said none. Not a single gift under the tree for her. Now I know what you may be thinking. Maybe he doesn’t want her to know he got her a gift, he wants to surprise her. Maybe. History in their relationship proves otherwise though. For her birthday, not even a card. For valentines day, nope, nothing again. She was forgotten on Mothers day, so her mind is taking her to Christmas being forgotten too. This person isn’t looking for gifts, what she’s longing for, craving, is simply to be thought of and remembered. She made the comment that a nice pair of fuzzy socks would be the greatest gift from her husband because it would show that he recognizes how cold her feet get when she’s up so early in the morning getting ready for work. It’s knowing he is thinking of her.

I know for me, I felt in my previous relationship that my ex expected love from me, but when it came time to reciprocate, it was non existent. It was a lonely kind of life, a sad life. I am thankful for what I have now. I have someone that tells me everyday how loved I am. I have someone that tells me how much better his life is with me in it. He makes me feel special and he makes me feel like I’m the most important person in his life. God answered my prayer and he’s let me know what it’s like to be loved. That’s all I ever wanted. To know what it was like to be loved for being me before I left this world.

I was thinking too about the love I had for my friends who I valued so much during my life as a JW. I was thinking how their love for me stopped on a dime when I became inactive and began my fade from the organization. There was a condition on their love towards me. According to Awake #1, 2018, it says, ” Humans crave love. NO marriage, family or friendship can thrive without it. It stands to reason, therefore, that love is essential to mental health and happiness.” This kind of love is a “superior form of love that causes a person to show sincere concern for the welfare of others, even putting them before self. It is a love that is guided by godly principles but is by no means devoid of warmth and feeling.” Ironically though, for me, I never even felt this type of love when I became inactive or when I first began to struggle with the organization. I told one person in particular, I’m sure I’d still be in the organization if I would of been love bombed rather then being shunned. I never did anything to deserve to be shunned, however, because I was inactive, I was considered bad association. I have truly received more love and support being on the “outside” then I ever did being on the “inside,” and for that I am grateful, because it helped me cut ties and move forward without being a JW.

I love the scripture at 1 John 4:7-8. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from god, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” I have come to experience the love of God. I am grateful that he answers my prayers and is guiding me on the path he wants me on. “God’s very essence is love; when we love one another, we are fulfilling God’s most fundamental wish for our lives.”-Womansday.com. To truly love one another, we accept them, just as our creator accepts us. His love for us is unconditional and we should do our best to love others unconditionally, especially those in our families, our friends and those who are apart of our lives.

Love is a gift and it’s something that is meant to be shared and given. “Love is the greatest gift that God has given us. It’s free.”-Taraji P. Henson. I hope none of us ever take for granted the love someone gives us. I hope we feel the love our of our creator and I hope we can give unconditional love towards all those who come into our lives and who are already here. Love isn’t perfect, but it is the perfect and most wonderful gift we can give to someone. It’s the best gift we can receive. Love is a blessing from above and I am thankful to those that love me for simply being me. Quirks and all, I am thankful for those that have stuck around and continue to be apart of my journey. I love you all.

Thank you for your time in reading my blog and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++