Changes

Happy Sunday,

How is everyone doing this fine Sunday? What a beautiful day it is. I do hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. I’m sitting out here on the patio, enjoying the crispness of the air and thinking about life, my to do list and what’s gonna happen next. I received a huge complement about my blog yesterday. This amazing person thanked me for what I wrote and write. I think that complement made not only my day, but my week. It means so much to know people are reading and that what I say actually has meaning. If I could make the difference in just one persons life, that would be one of my biggest accomplishments in this life. I’m told that we are put here on this earth for a reason. My one friend Jana said she thinks God has a purpose for me and she feels that my writing may be able to help someone who is in the same situation I was in. I take seriously the things people say in regards to what I write. I don’t take the things I write or say lightly. Believe me when I say, there is a lot of thought that goes into each blog.

I was thinking about what I wrote yesterday about judging and talking about others. Funny that I received this quote on my feed this morning on Facebook. I swear, someone is out there listening to my thoughts. Timing seems to be perfect. “Words are free. It’s how you use them, that may cost you.”-Heidi Dellaire. Isn’t that the truth. I know you’ve heard how powerful the tongue is. “The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words.”-truthfollower.com. Isn’t it true how words affect us. Even unspoken words can affect us. Telling someone how much you love them to simply here, “thank you” in return. Unspoken words can hurt as much as those said out loud. This quote made me then think about changes. I used to be a huge Dr. Laura listener. I have no real reason for not listening anymore, I just seem to be on a different path and the things I listen to now seem to be helping me navigate the changes I’ve made to my life, but many of her thoughts are right on and in line with my thinking still.

“What you aren’t changing, you are choosing.”-Dr. Laura. This statement sums it up perfectly. It’s like my brothers tell me, what Leslie says and Carly and John tell me all the time, you can’t expect something different if you keep going back to what continues to hurt you. When things are said about me, when lies are spoken, I can be angry and hurt, but I can’t blame anyone but myself in certain circumstances. You see, if I continue to put undeserved trust in those that have proven they aren’t looking out for my best interest, then who can I blame? Me. I’m the blame. If I want to change the outcome, I must change the circumstance. I’m not making the needed changes to get a different outcome, therefore, I’m choosing the negative and hurtful talk. While I don’t deserve it, I’m accepting of it.

I received a couple phone calls from someone that really makes me uncomfortable to talk to. I haven’t answered the calls, not because I am purposely avoiding them, it’s in all honesty that I really don’t hear the phone or see the call coming in, so this person has left me a couple messages. I’ve replied back by way of text, but I haven’t called this person per their request. This person has a very controlling way about themselves, so much so that I find it extremely difficult to actually be able to talk to them. I haven’t mastered my strength in not allowing them to control me or guilt me. I saw this quote on one of my positive energy sites. It says, “if you’re serious about change, you have to go through uncomfortable situations. Stop trying to dodge the process. It’s the only way to grow.”-unknown. There was a time that I wouldn’t of even thought not to call this person back, but right now, in order for me to continue to grow and become a stronger person who is able to stand up for their right to be respected, I need to not engage with this person at all. I want change and I want growth and yes, it is the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever wanted, yet I know in the end, it will be worth it.

I feel that if we stop and listen, the Universe will guide us to the path we need to be on. I feel that there is no failure, just readjustments. Like Oprah says, “failure is a stepping stone to the path you are meant to be on.” I was lucky to come across this author who I can’t wait to read more of his works. I stumbled across one of his writings this morning. It’s title is, “It can be hard.”-frommagemind.com. I was instantly drawn to what he had to say. “There will be moments when you’ll doubt yourself. There will be times when you’ll fail. There will be times when you’ll make mistakes. It’s what you when you face the hard time that will set you up for something or not.(not sure of what he was saying in this previous sentence). If you are not facing any challenges, then you should do more because you haven’t reached the best you can do.” For me, I doubt myself on the daily, I’m not sure I fail, but I stumble and fall. I make many mistakes and I’ve made some doozy mistakes. I’ve faced hard times and continue to face them. I’m hoping by facing my many challenges that I will become the best me. John is always telling me, “don’t give up.” I am blessed to have so much support, I am thankful for the help of loved ones as I continue to make changes in my life.

There was a day, not long ago that I looked at myself in the mirror and hated the person looking back at me. She was weak, timid and sad. She was lost in the depths of sadness. She felt she had no purpose other then to be walked on, much like a door mat. She looked in the mirror and realized that she had suppressed every emotion possible to man. She realized she never cried, never had any emotion, she just was. She simply existed. That very night, she began to pray. That very night, she asked God to not let her wake up tomorrow. She couldn’t go on like this and she saw no other way out. Every night for over six months she begged God to let her fade away into non existence. One day she woke up, yet again and decided God didn’t exist. How could a God of love allow such pain and misery? What had she done that was so terrible to feel this way? This was the day there had to be a change.

It was on that very day that I knew if I didn’t set a change in motion, I would cease to exist. It was the absolute hardest day of my life and it changed everything about my life course. I made mistakes in my growth and changes, and yes, it’s been uncomfortable. One thing that I can say about my changes is that I have found new faith in God. I am continuously building my relationship with him. My faith in him is stronger than it ever was before. I pray to him, I talk to him, I thank him and I know he is guiding me. He has put some amazing and true friends into my life. He gives me strength when I don’t think I can go on anymore. His presence in my life is very much apparent.

“The past is the past. Adjust and keep going on for your dream. You are great! Don’t wait for someone else to notice, keep going on because you know you are great. No one else will do it for you. Stop waiting and start doing.”-frommagemind.com. We all have made mistakes, wronged someone, even if we had good intentions, and it was by total accident, we probably have hurt or done damage to someone. The guilt and regret shouldn’t be something we keep permanently in our focus. They should simply be reminders so we can hopefully avoid those actions or words. We need to challenge ourselves. Make changes in order to be a little bit better then we were yesterday and so on. Changes aren’t easy, but they are needed and they can lead to something pretty darn amazing.

“Somewhere out there, there’s a good woman waiting for the right man to come into into her life and say, ‘I understand that you’re afraid, and although I’m not the cause of our fears, I still feel somewhat responsible for your pains. You see, all my life I’ve searched for you, and if I could of just gotten to you sooner, I could have protected you from the rain; I could have protected you from all the heartaches of having to play the wrong man’s games, but I’m here now… and you don’t have to worry about guarding your heart anymore: you can lay that burden down. That’s my job now.”-unknown. Change has led me to someone that wants to take away my pain. He wants to protect me and he guards my heart and slowly, I am letting go and learning to trust again.

Change is scary. Change is uncomfortable and it sometimes hurts. Without change though, we tend to stay stagnant and we don’t grow. Without change, we stand to loose out on some pretty amazing adventures in life. I’m learning to embrace the changes, accept that I can’t live in the past and live only in the moment. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn’t here yet, therefore, today is our gift, it’s the present. What will you do with your present? Enjoy the changes life throws at you and know this, if you are having a hard time getting through change, I’m here for you. Sometimes just having a listening ear is all we need to know we aren’t alone and we have someone that will be there to help us no matter what.

I am lucky to have so many wonderful people who read my blog. I can’t wait to share my book with you all. I’m super excited to see if I can get it published. I am thankful to have you all in my life. Without change, I know I would of never started a blog. I would of never started to write a book and I would never have found trust in God again. It’s because of your love and support I am able to navigate all life’s changes and challenges. Thank you for your continued love and support and until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++