Harassment

Happy Sunday evening everyone!

How is everyone doing on this amazing Sunday night? Did you enjoy your weekend? I hope so. Can you believe it, it reached nearly 80 today here in my neck of the woods, however, when I got up got up, it was a rather crispy cool sort of morning. It didn’t take long for Ms. Sunshine to begin peeking out through the clouds. She was just waiting to make her glow apparent with each passing hour, and that’s exactly what she did. It was a beautiful sunny day here in the lake.

I sure do love lake life, and I feel blessed be call this home.

Today was a busy day for us for sure. A trip to San Diego for some family time which included a nice spaghetti bar lunch accompanied by a Caesar salad, some wine and of course, Iced Tea. Amy made the best garlic bread to compliment the meal, and everyone wrapped up the day sitting outside by the firepit making smore’s.

When we left San Diego, we didn’t come straight home. Nope. We were invited to celebrate our dearest friends 10-year anniversary of her restaurant. Down-Town Public had a private party event, which I was honored to be invited to. The restaurant celebrated its customers with champagne, select beers, soda, tea and a huge array of appetizers and desserts. It was the greatest way to top off a wonderful weekend.

I’m excited for next weekend too. I get to host my first official party in our new home. Kevin and Jagger’s engagement party where 52 are confirmed to be here.

I’m really excited to host their party and a little nervous too. It’s been a hot moment since I’ve hosted this many people. I think the last big party I planned and hosted was our annual Star Wars, May the 4th be with you party, and that was two Mays ago. We couldn’t host last year. Too much happening and quite frankly, I was way past exhausted. My body could in no way handle hosting. We’ll see if we can host this year, however, I’m thinking maybe hold off one more year and simply do a platter party. It’ll be more casual and no decorations required.

I was thinking of hosting a charcuterie party, however, after talking with some of the tribe last night, I think we’ll call it a platter party. Everyone brings something fun on a platter, and this will be our welcome to our new home open house here in the lake. We’ll invite all our friends, but before the platter party I must get through Kevin’s engagement party and then our housewarming with John’s family. Each party will be amazing and different and I’m excited to finally have a home where we can have our loved ones over any time we want. We have a big backyard, a beautiful deck and for those that want to get away from the ruckus, we have the balcony with endless mountain and lake views.

Now, I better stop rambling and get onto tonight’s blog post. The subject. Harassment.

I was talking with some friends last night and we got on the topic of the financial abuse I posted about the other day. While on that topic the conversation went right to the subject of harassment, which makes sense. Financial abuse most certainly would fall under the category of harassment in many if not all cases.

So, what exactly is harassment? According to the dictionary, harassment is defined as: “aggressive pressure or intimidation.”

Have you ever experienced this type of behavior from someone? If you have, it’s not okay. Here’s why.

When people try and pressure you into doing something, especially by means of aggressive body language or speech! THAT’S NOT OKAY!

Have you ever had someone try and intimidate you into doing what they wanted you to do? Again, this type of behavior isn’t okay.

When someone is financially abusing a person, especially if it’s an ex-spouse/partner trying to withhold funds a person is legally entitled to, the financial abuser could be treading on harassment as well.

Harassment comes in many forms, but for the sake of this post and time, let’s concentrate on maybe one or two types. Sound like a plan? Good, let’s go.

Being harassed is a cause for a great deal of stress and anxiety. It can cause a person to fear for their life.

Before I continue though, let me say this, while I’m no expert in any type of mental health or medical of any sorts, I have experienced forms of harassment in my life. So, my thoughts are just that, thoughts and opinions backed up with a little research done online. What I write are my opinions and they are not meant to replace professional legal or medical advice.

If now or ever you feel you are being abused or harassed, seek immediate medical or legal help. If you feel threated, call 911 immediately!

Back to the post.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re being threatened, what do you do? I would say in most, if not all cases, ask for help, call the police or get a restraining order. Easier said than done, especially if someone has had control over your thinking abilities for any given amount of time.

What if kiddos are involved? What if the person harassing you uses your kids in their intimidation against you? That makes the circumstances that much muddier and difficult.

As a mom I can only imagine, no matter how old the kiddos are, if someone was intimidating me or using my kids against me, I’d begin to second guess myself. I’m weak that way. My kids mean everything to me and even the thought of losing their love and support would be devastating. I couldn’t go on in this life without them. They are my world. I couldn’t bare knowing they were being manipulated or put in the middle of a situation that isn’t there’s to be in the middle of. Why should a child, adult or otherwise be hurt like that. To me that makes the harassment that much worse.

What is the best course of action to take if you or someone you know is experiencing intimidation an ex?

According to AI:

Being intimidated by an ex-husband is a form of emotional abuse and a tool of control that should be taken seriously. If you feel you are in danger, your first priority is to prioritize your safety, document every incident, and utilize legal options to create distance.

Here is a comprehensive guide on what to do, based on expert advice:

1. Ensure Immediate Safety

Call 911: If you are in immediate danger or feel threatened, contact the authorities.
Create a Safety Plan: If you live alone, ensure your home is secure with new locks and cameras. If you have children, inform their school and day care about the situation, providing them with photos of your ex if necessary.
Move Away from Weapons: During an argument or act of intimidation, avoid being cornered and move away from areas where weapons might be present.

2. Document Everything

Keep a detailed log of every instance of intimidation to build a case for legal protection.

Save Evidence: Take screenshots of text messages, emails, and social media posts.
Keep a Log: Record dates, times, and descriptions of in-person, phone, or digital encounters.
Record Threats: Keep recordings of voicemails or threatening calls.

3. Legal Actions to Take

Obtain a Restraining Order/Order of Protection: You can file a “Family Offense Petition” in family court to obtain a protective order. A Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) can prohibit contact, require him to stay away from your home/work, and regulate child pick-ups.
File a Police Report: Report harassing behavior to local law enforcement to create a record.
Consult a Lawyer: A family attorney can help you navigate the process of obtaining an order of protection and handle issues related to child custody or divorce.

4. Establish Boundaries and Communication

Limit Contact: Stop answering phone calls. Limit all communication strictly to written, non-emotional messages.
Use Parenting Apps: If you share children, use apps like “Family Wizard” for communication, which keeps interactions organized and documented.
Set Up Neutral Exchanges: Arrange for child drop-offs and pick-ups to happen at a neutral location or involve a third party (friend, family member).
Do Not Engage in Conflict: Avoid responding to threats or trying to “talk sense” into him, which can make the harassment worse.

5. Utilize Support Resources

National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-SAFE or text “START” to 88788 for confidential 24/7 support and help creating a safety plan.
Therapy: Seek counseling to process the trauma and emotional impact of the abuse.
Support Network: Inform friends, family, and colleagues about the situation so they can offer support and help protect your privacy.

Disclaimer: If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your local emergency services.

So, most of the above advice is given based upon being harassed by an ex, however, being harassed by an ex isn’t the only folks who harass others.

What if you are being harassed at work or school? What do you do?

According to AI, this is how you handle those situations:

If you are being intimidated at work or school, immediately document all incidents (dates, times, witnesses, details) and secure evidence like emails or messages. Report the behavior to HR, a supervisor, or school authorities, and if safe, directly tell the person to stop. Prioritize your safety and mental health by seeking support from trusted individuals.

Actions to Take if Intimidated at Work

Document Everything: Keep a detailed, private log of every incident, including witnesses, and save copies of harassing emails or messages.
Review Policies: Consult your employee handbook for company procedures on bullying and harassment.
Report to Management/HR: Inform your supervisor or Human Resources about the behavior, ideally in writing.
File a Formal Complaint: If internal reporting fails, file a complaint with the EEOC or local fair employment agencies, especially if based on discrimination.
Confront (If Safe): Clearly tell the individual their behavior is unwelcome and must stop.
Seek Support: Utilize an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or legal counsel if needed.

Actions to Take if Intimidated at School

Tell Someone: Report the bullying to a teacher, counselor, principal, or trusted adult immediately.
Avoid Isolated Areas: Stay in public, monitored areas and surround yourself with friends.
Document and Save Evidence: Take screenshots of cyberbullying and keep notes of in-person bullying, including dates and locations.
Do Not Respond to Bullies: Avoid engaging with bullies, especially online, as it often escalates the situation.

General Self-Care and Protection

Prioritize Safety: If you feel in immediate danger, leave the situation, remove yourself from the premises, or call the police.
Protect Your Mental Health: Take care of your well-being by speaking with friends, family, or a professional counselor to manage stress and anxiety.
Build a Network: Strengthen connections with supportive colleagues or peers who can act as allies.

Now, before we run off telling everyone about what’s going on, I believe it’s important to use the old saying, “think before you speak.” Why? Because we don’t want to be spreading the gossip around the break room or community. Instead, take the advice above.

I believe what the advice given above is merely suggesting we tell a trusted person or two about the harassment so as not to have the tables turned on us. I believe when we have encountered a bully or someone who has chosen to harass us, they are the sort of people who first like to control, second are insecure in themselves and third, play the victim or poor me card. I also believe they are the kind of person who likes attention despite it being positive or negative. I also believe they take no accountability and want to step on toes to get their way and get to the top. So, be careful who you bring into your confidence circle. Just sayin’.

When a person is harassed they much of the time feel defeated. They allow doubt to settle into their minds. I know for me, I second guess myself and ask, what could I have done different. I tend to own the other person’s negative perception of me. Not a smart choice, and one I am working on ridding myself of.

Being harassed makes a person also feel worthless, afraid and at times, fearful for their well-being.

INRS says this about psychological harassment, which by definition is: “A form of vexatious behavior that involves repeated hostile and unwanted words, behavior, or actions that are painful, hurtful, annoying, humiliating or insulting. In such situations, the victim’s dignity and psychological or physical health is threatened and the work or study environment becomes toxic.”

Being emotionally, psychologically or physically harassed or any other form of harassment takes a toll on the person receiving this kind or any kind of abuse.

Mentally, the receiver is spent. They struggle. They shut down.

What can you do? Well, there were many suggestions listed above that can be quite helpful. Perhaps, the suggestions above might even safe your life or the life of someone you know.

Again, I am not an expert in the field of mental health. I am not a doctor. I am not a police officer. I am a person who cares about others and I care about your well-being.

If you or someone you know is being harassed, reach out and get the proper forces in place to help guide you on what steps to take next.

Life is hard enough; we don’t need to add being harassed to our everyday life issues.

I’ve never understood how someone could want to hurt another person like this. If you don’t like a person, don’t interact with them, or limit interactions. Why this need to harass or control someone? It’s something I plan on learning more about. I’ve been on the receiving end of bad speech, and it doesn’t feel good at all. I allow the words spoken to get into my head and I’ve struggled trying to make sense of it. Maybe if I can understand the reason why people harass in more depth, it’ll help me get out of my own head should I ever find myself in that situation again.

Thoughts? I sure would love to hear what you think of this subject.

Shoot me a text or drop me a comment. I always love hearing from you, so go ahead and light up my day.

Well guys, that’s about all I have in store for tonight’s blog post. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read my thoughts.

Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.

P.S.

Below are some snapshots of yesterdays Chinese New Year party that we went to at our dear friend Shawna’s. Hope you enjoy.