Happy Sunday,
Happy Father’s Day. How is everyone doing on this beautiful Father’s Day 2025? Did you enjoy your day? Were you able to celebrate your dad today? Or were you a dad who was celebrated? Perhaps you celebrated your mama who raised you alone? Maybe you visited a grave-site where you laid your daddy to rest? Are you a fur baby daddy? Whatever today looked like, I do hope you had a good day and a good weekend.
I never got to celebrate Father’s Day with my daddy and when I finally got the opportunity he was gone. I miss my daddy every day. I still daydream about what it would have been like to celebrate him. Thank him for the bond we had created before he passed. I didn’t get to say goodbye and that does create a sadness within me. We just lived so far apart.
I did get three days with my dad when he came back into my life that I will forever cherish. We talked openly and honestly about everything, except the abuse I suffered at the hands of a babysitter. He said he just couldn’t bear to hear it and that’s okay. It’s something he shouldn’t have to.
During our three days at my vacation home in Running Springs dad and I listened to music. We liked the same kind of music. We enjoyed a lot of the same things. Dad told me that he always loved me and at the end of our weekend he said he was amazed at how close we could be though there were decades of absence from each other’s lives. He said it’s true. I asked him what was true. “There’s a special bond between father’s and daughters that can never be broken, despite the years that have passed.”
I wish today I could hug my dad. I wish I could tell him one more time how much I loved him. I wish I would have told him the things I always wanted to share with him but didn’t want to disappoint him.
Tonight I was walking the pups and we stopped by their grandma Sandy’s for puppy treats. I was telling her about John’s Father’s Day gift. He got a 3D printer and he and his youngest are enjoying figuring out how to get it mastered. I’m sure by morning I’ll have half a dozen or so 3D figures to see. I’m glad they are getting some bonding time.
Anyway, on our visit I shared with Sandy how my son Kevin called and wished John a Happy Father’s Day. Well, that got us to chatting and we went down the rabbit hole of talking about my ex. She shared with me a story about her husband who sadly passed before their daughter’s wedding. Somehow that triggered a memory of my wedding day nearly 40 years ago. I was just 17. He was 26.
I shared that memory with Sandy and all I could think about was the song sung by Dolly Parton, “Daddy Come and Get Me.”
“In this mental institution, lookin’ out through these iron bars
How could he put me in here, how could he go that far
Yes, I need help but not this kind, he didn’t love me from the start
But it’s not my mind that’s broken, it’s my heart.
Oh, Daddy come and get me and take me home with you
I’m depending on you Daddy, there’s nothing I can do
And you said that I could come to you if I ever was in need
But Daddy I can’t come to you, you’ll have to come to me.
When he said he loved another, I was crazy with jealousy
That’s ’cause I was crazy over him and I couldn’t stand to set him free
And I couldn’t stand to lose him and I cried and cried for days
And he said that I was crazy but he just put me in here to get me out of his way
Daddy come and get me.
Oh, Daddy come and get me and take me home with you
I’m depending on you Daddy ’cause there’s nothing else I can do
And you said that I could come to you if I ever was in need
But Daddy I can’t come to you, you’ll have to come to me.
Oh Daddy, come and get me…”
Daddy and I played this song over and over again. Dad even had tears in his eyes a few times while this song played. I’ll never forget after the song finished one time, the fire keeping the cabin warm, we sat and looked outside over the valley below us and he said to me, “baby girl, I’ll always come and get you.”
I was so angry with him when he passed. I wasn’t ready to let go. But I had to. He was gone and I felt so hurt because I didn’t get enough time with him. I never had my dad walk me down the isle. I never got my father daughter dance. I didn’t have him to talk with during the most tragic events in my life. He was gone.
The anger is no more. My heart still hurts because I miss him. He was my dad despite all the mistakes. He will always be my hero.
I still sometimes wish I could call daddy up and beg him to come and get me, but more often then not I sit and daydream about what it might have been like to grow up with him in my life. I know he loved me. I have photos of us together and I know he loved me. Dad told me that he left me with my mother because he thought it was best for me to be with her. He said he would always regret that decision. He told me he had left on a trip and when he got back (he was a truck driver) we were gone. I was 9 or 10 the last time I saw him, that is until I found him when I was 46.
Mother said she moved us to San Diego so he couldn’t find us. I still have unanswered questions about that, however, I’ll never have those answers and that’s okay. Like I tell my sons, if you have questions about why I left your dad you can ask me anything you want. Just remember one thing. Before you ask me, really make sure you want to know the answer. Once you hear what I have to say. Once you know the why to your questions, you can never erase what you hear.
When I sit and daydream about my dad I think of what it would have been like to have him swing me around in his arms. What would it have been like to have him lift me in the air and what would it have been like to have my daddy carry me to bed and tuck me in.
The song “Dance With My Father Again” makes my daydream come to life in my mind:
“Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my momma and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I new for sure, I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my momma and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I new for sure, I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear my momma cry for him
I’d pray for her even more than me
I’d pray for her even more
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear lord she’s dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream…”-Kellie Coffey
If you are one of the lucky ones to have an incredible relationship with your daddy. If he’s still alive. Make sure you take every chance to tell him how much you love him. Don’t take time for granted because tomorrow may never come.
My dad will never be forgotten. I’ll forever love him. I’ll forever miss him. There are things I’ll never get to share with him, moments that are meant to be shared between a father and daughter. I’ll never have a father to walk me down the isle. I’ll never have him give me away. There’s a lot of I’ll nevers and there will always be a void.
There are times when a girl just needs her daddy to talk to. There are time when a girl just needs her daddy to say everything will be okay.
I know my dad is always watching over me. I know when I’m sinking deep into despair he stops by to remind me it’ll be okay. It never fails when I’m sad or my heart hurts a beautiful butterfly flutters by.
Since his passing there has never been a time a butterfly doesn’t make his presence known when I need my dad the most. Sometimes I don’t even realize I need my dad and a butterfly stops by.
Tonight I needed my dad. Tonight my heart hurts to hear his voice again. I relived a memory that I didn’t realize devastated me. A memory that if it didn’t happen I wouldn’t have my sons. A memory that brought up negative feelings about someone in my life who was supposed to protect me. A memory that I had shared with my dad on our father daughter weekend, but I didn’t see it for what it truly was. Dad saw it, but I didn’t. Not until tonight.
Even though my daddy is gone, I still took a moment to tell him how much I love him. I told him how much I missed him. I told him how hard Father’s Day’s are because he’s my daddy and I miss not being able to celebrate him.
It’s wonderful being able to celebrate Father’s Day for John and his kiddos. It’s a blessing that my sons love and care for him too, but there’s still a little emptiness deep inside because I never got to celebrate my dad and I never celebrated my boys dad with them and for him. Cult life didn’t allow for that.
So this Father’s Day while special in so many ways it still hurts me not having my dad.
So to all you dads and step in dads. To all you fur baby dads and mother’s who had to be both mom and dad. Uncles, grandpa’s or whatever male role you played in a positive way in someone’s life, Happy Father’s Day to you. Thank you for all you have done and will continue to do for those who look up to you as their dad’s. You are a blessing in so many ways. More ways then you’ll ever know.
Happy Father’s Day.
Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.
Love Life with Dawna 