Buy me a rose

Happy Thursday evening,

How is everyone doing on this wonderful and perfect night? All is well here. One more day then we’ll be sliding into the weekend which promises to hold a few surprises I’m sure.

One thing I’m especially looking forward to is the amazing tea party that I’ll be attending on Sunday at a friends home here in the lake. It’s always so much fun getting together with so many amazing ladies. We’re encouraged to wear tea dresses and fascinators. The good food is always accompanied with amazing ice tea flavors that will quench our thirst on a hot sunny day.

Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment that I need to be at early in the morning. I have to travel to San Diego so traffic will be a bear. It’s worth it though. I have the best medical team and I appreciate everyone of my doctors so very much.

On my way home I’ll be stopping at the Asian market. The one food that seems to settle okay in my tummy these days is Thai. I’m bound and determined to perfect Thai cooking to the best of my ability. Tonight I made a Thai dish called “Slow Cooker Thai Peanut Chicken” and surprisingly it turned out pretty amazing. I impressed myself on this dish. Tomorrow night I will attempt to make Drunken Noodles, Thai Tea, and Som Tom. Wish me luck.

Today I spent a brief moment out in my garden. I needed to plant a couple more plants I’ve had sitting in their original pots for the last few days. The breeze had just begun and it seemed like the perfect time to just be outside planting and being one with nature. I’m really falling in love gardening again. As I was finishing up I noticed a hidden red rose and I was able to capture what I think is the perfect photo.

Photo below:

When I was growing up I used to love to go to my Granny and Grandpa’s to visit. I’d go out back with my grandpa and walk with him as he watered his rose garden. It seemed like the biggest garden I ever saw. His entire back yard was nothing but rows and rows of roses of all different colors and sizes. I think he planted so many because it was Granny’s favorite flower and Grandpa always wanted to make sure she had fresh roses.

Grandpa was always particular about the way his garden needed to look. So after we finished watering he would take out of his jeans a pair of cutters. We’d walk the rows of roses and he’d pick the perfect bouquet for Granny.

When I saw the red rose in my garden today I was taken back to the time when I was a little girl spending time with Grandpa in his rose garden.

Tonight as I watched the sun set over the lake I reflected on the fond memories I had with my grandpa. He was such an important person in my life. I was his and Granny’s first grandchild, so I held a special place in Grandpa’s heart. Granny’s too, but over time I lost my bond with her. Grandpa passed on when I was 17. I had just gotten married, so I wasn’t with him much at the end of his life and for that, I can never undo those lost moments, but I can reflect on what I can remember.

Grandpa always wore his flannel shirts and blue jeans. I slightly remember a time when he smoked and after I was born, I was told he never picked up another drink again.

Grandpa left this earth on January 1st, 1987 at the age of 56. He battled cancer and it finally took him home to his maker.

Below is me and Grandpa:

I am told that Grandpa made many mistakes in his life, but the one thing he did right was putting the bottle down and stepping up as the husband Granny deserved. Grandpa was always my hero and Granny used to tell me, “Sugar, whenever you walked into a room, his eyes met yours and you were instantly in his arms. He never put you down.”

The rose garden Grandpa planted for Granny took many years to develop, but boy was it beautiful. I wish I had a photo. Instead, it’s a just a memory.

My Granny had a hard life at the beginning of her marriage with Grandpa and most likely for the better part of their life together. My mother had me when she was just 19, so if the stories I’ve heard are true, then for 19 years of their marriage, he got up, went to work, came home and got lost in the bottle. I suppose now I understand the meaning behind the roses he not only gave her, but grew for her.

I’m so thankful I missed the bad part of their life together. I showed up for the good times they shared. At least that’s how I remember it.

Tomorrow would be my Granny’s 98th birthday. On her death bed only her son, my cousin and I went to see her. Her daughter, my aunt was in an assisted living by then and my mother, she never went to the hospital to say goodbye.

I am angry about that, but that’s something that’s not my cross to bear and I hardly think of it. I suppose on special days like Granny’s birthday and the day of her passing, those ill-feelings manifest. I only hope that my Mother has no regrets about not being there for her mom as she lay in a hospital bed where she died alone. We didn’t make it back in time to help her, hold her hand or just tell her it’s okay to let go.

The photo below was taken the day before she took her final sleep:

When Grandpa was dying Mother was so cruel to her mom. Grandpa had gone home from the hospital to die and instead of being supportive, my Mother got angry with Granny because Granny still had a business to run. Grandpa died when he was 56 years old. Granny was barely in her 50’s, so she had to work sadly. She was there when her husband took his final breath, but Mother wasn’t. I remember one time she was arguing with her mom on the phone. She was so angry and said to Granny, “you go off to work and leave my dad home to die like a dog.”

Granny didn’t deserve that, nobody deserves to question someone’s actions during the dying process of not only themselves, but of their partner, at least that’s my opinion.

My Granny was a beautiful woman. She was feisty at only 4 ft. 11. She was a nurse for many years, then she and Grandpa opened a little Donut Cart restaurant. She loved her family despite how devastated she was when Mother joined a cult and raised me in it. Granny took what time she was allowed to spend with me when she could get it. I often wonder if the reason Granny and Grandpa moved from Yorba Linda to Escondido was to distance themselves from the pain they felt because their daughter and granddaughter were indoctrinated into a cult that didn’t allow much room for outsiders, even if they were family.

Below is a photo of my Granny. She sure loved her ice cream. Anything chocolate with caramel and nuts.

Granny never remarried.

Growing up and seeing Grandpa give Granny a bouquet of roses from his garden seemed so much like a fairytale to me. I used to dream about falling in love and having someone bring me roses too, but that didn’t happen with the man I had married when I was 17. In 30+ years of marriage he never bought me flowers. Never picked a single rose for me and I’ve always had roses in my gardens. I wasn’t even worth a weed to him and that’s okay.

I remember when the song Buy Me a Rose was released in October of 1999 by Kenny Rogers. I’d play it over and over. While my ex always worked, it was the bare minimum. He hated working.

“Buy Me a Rose” is a ballad, telling of a husband who attempts to please his wife with material objects, such as a “three-car garage and her own credit cards.” The wife remains unsatisfied, however, as she prefers simpler gestures, such as the husband purchasing her a rose from a florist, or having a door held open…

My ex wasn’t about pleasing me with material things. In fact, he was very tight with his money and I had to ask his permission to buy anything. That was just the culture of the cult. I didn’t care though. I just wanted to be noticed. To be loved. I did everything in hopes of getting him to look at me, but he never did.

The lyrics to the song are more fitting for my Granny and Grandpa then they ever were for me. Funny, I just remembered, Granny did not like my ex-husband. She couldn’t even say his name or bring herself to be polite to him. I had to chose my husband or my Granny. I chose my husband.

“He works hard to give her all
He thinks she wants
Three car garage, her own credit cards
He pulls in late to wake her up
With a kiss goodnight
If he could only read her mind, she’d say
Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt?
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life
Now the days have grown
To years of feeling all alone
She can’t help but wonder what
She’s doing wrong
Lately she’d try anything to turn his head
Would it make a difference if she’d said
Buy me a rose, call me from work
Open a door for me, what would it hurt?
Show me you love me by the look in your eyes
These are the little things I need the most in my life
And the more that he lives the less that he tries
To show her the love that he holds inside
And the more that she gives, the more that he sees
This is a story of you and me
So I bought you a rose on the way home from work
To open the door to a heart that I hurt
And I hope you notice this look in my eyes
‘Cause I’m gonna make things right for the rest of your life
And I’m gonna hold you tonight
Do all those little things for the rest of your life”

Grandpa spent the second half of their marriage doing all the little things for the rest of his life. Grandpa always looked into Granny’s eyes when he gave her the roses. He would bend down and kiss her softly on her forehead and say, “these are for you. I love you.”

It melts my soul knowing that Grandpa spent the rest of his life making sure Granny knew she was loved. Grandpa always held a door for Granny. She was his world, at least from my memories.

I thought I’d never get my fairytale until John came along. I remember when we were first dating I told him that my ex never bought me flowers. The very next day John brought me a dozen red and white roses. They were so beautiful. John said no woman of mine will ever not know what it’s like to get flowers from the man she loves and that loves her back.

Below is my very first bouquet of roses from the man I’ve never had to work at being seen by.

John works hard for us and he knows how important he is to me. He shows me the love he has for me on a daily basis, even on those days I don’t deserve it. I don’t have to work at getting John to notice me. Our love is so intertwined that I know he loves me.

I looked up the meaning behind giving a rose or roses to the person you love and I wanted to share it with you.

“On a first date, a single rose symbolizes love at first sight. it can also be given in years to come to say, “I still love you.” -unknown.

“The purest symbol of new love, love at first sight, or a “one and only love,” giving someone a single red rose symbolizes the giving of your heart.”-unknown.

Roses aren’t just for a woman to receive, but I think a man needs one now and again too, especially when you just want them to know, “I still love you.”

I’m sure my Granny will receive a rose of every color tomorrow for her birthday from Grandpa up in heaven and who knows, maybe she’ll give him a single rose to say, “I still love you.”

Wherever you are. Whoever you’re with, I hope you never have to beg someone to love you. I hope you’ve received many roses in your lifetime because you are worthy and if nobody else sees your worth, go buy yourself a rose. Pick one from your garden. Love yourself. You deserve it.

Well guys, I’ll be saying goodnight for now. Thank you for stopping by and reading. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.