You never gave up on me

Happy Thursday evening,

How are you all doing this evening? For some, perhaps it’s already Friday in your neck of the woods? Whatever day it is I do hope you are doing well, staying safe and enjoying life, I know I am, or at least I’m trying to.

I’ve immersed myself back into nothing but positive affirmations on the daily. I’m listening to lots of uplifting podcasts and I’m also finishing a book called Bad Mormon by Heather Gray. This book was recommended by a friend and boy oh boy, do I see the similarities in Heather’s and my life.

When I first began the book I told my friend I saw similarities in the rituals between the Jehovah’s Witness religion and the Mormon religion and now that I’m further along in the book, wow, just wow, it’s almost like Heather is telling my story. Breaks my heart that both her and I have endured what I call religious trauma, yet at the same time I feel empowered knowing I’m not alone in what I endured by not only the church, but by those in the religion, my ex husband included.

I’m not done with the book yet but I am excited to see how it ends. I have a feeling I’ll see Ms. Heather coming out on top and doing just fine in her life. “I found my voice.”-Heather Gray.

This statement really resonates with me because I too have found my voice. It took me many decades to find it but now, there’s no squashing it back to being the dutiful woman who is run by anyone or anything misogynistic.

Being raised in the mindset that women have no voice, are to remain silent until spoken too, we don’t think for ourselves, we have no opinion, well, I have no desire to go back to living like that and I’m beyond blessed that John values a partner who has ideas, who thinks for herself and I even think he’s okay with the occasional sass I share with him.

Oh yeah, now that I have a voice, I have a little sassy that comes out from time to time. That’s not always a good thing, but I don’t always control it sadly.

Life with John is so different then what my life used to look like. I lived in a loveless marriage for way to long. I lived with someone who was controlling and would tell me I was crazy for even the slightest idea I might try and share with him and I always heard, “I’m the head of this house, you will do as I say.”

Living that kind of life brings about tons of trauma and baggage. I used to constantly be on guard. I was a bit crazy, not in a psycho way, but in my way of thinking. I’m not only surprised but lucky John’s stuck around to see me through some difficult times and help me in ways I can’t even begin to explain.

Recently John was able to move up to the lake full time. One thing that has taken tons of getting used to is the way we keep house. Yes he’s right, I do suffer from a little OCD. I like things put away. I like things organized and I make my bed on the daily, well I used to. Anyway, John isn’t quite as OCD as I am and that’s okay, however, the last few weeks it’s been driving me crazy the amount of stuff that was in the dining room and hall bathroom area. John knew it and while I was out one afternoon, he took his time and cleaned it. The next day he cleaned our bedroom. He said, “I just want you to feel comfortable in our home.” He knew how over the top stressed I’d been and he worked so hard to make our home a place of comfort and refuge for me.

Our love story brings to mind a song sung by Crystal Gayle: You Never Gave up on Me.

“For all the times you stood by me, through right and wrong
For being there to catch me when I’d fall
I love you for your faith in me, for all the joys you’ve given me
But this one thing makes me love you most of all

You never gave up on me when I was giving love up on you
Every time I thought this love can’t work, you stayed to see it through
You never gave up on me, when I was making things rough on you
And you showed me what it really means to love somebody

And though sometimes we might not see things eye to eye
You’ve always met me more than half the way
So for all the times I’ve let you down
And you could have packed your things and gone
I love you most of all because you stayed

And you never gave up on me, when I was giving love up on you
Never mattered who was right or wrong, you stayed to see it through
You never gave up on me, when I was making things rough on you
And you showed me what it really means to love

There were times I just knew, you did not understand the moods
All those long and sleepless nights I put us through
But you stuck by me anyway, gave me love everyday
And now there’s nothing in this world, I wouldn’t do for you

‘Cause you never gave up on me, when I was giving love up on you
Every time I thought this love can’t work, you stayed to see it through
You never gave up on me, when I was making things rough on you
And you showed me what it really means to love”

John has stood by me and he is there to catch me when I fall. He has faith in me and has helped me grow as a person.

John has never given up on me even when I was giving up on love, our love on rare occasion. There were times I didn’t think our love would work. I even told him to try and put his family back together because of the pain his children were going through because of his divorce, a divorce he neither asked for or wanted.

John never gave up on me even when I’ve made things rough on him. He’ always shown me what it is to really be loved by someone, which is the one thing I used to beg God for.

I prayed to God over and over and over again, “Please, let me die and before I take that final breath, let me know what it’s like to be loved by someone, truly loved.”

God gave me the gift of knowing what it’s like to feel loved by someone, truly loved. I don’t always deserve John’s love, but I am grateful for it. John’s arms are my safe place and his unconditional love is beyond my greatest expectations.

John’s never given up on me. He’s never given up on us and he’s never given up on our love. He’s my rock, my strength, my biggest supporter and I can close my eyes, lay my head on my pillow knowing, he never has given up on me.

Well guys, it’s been a super long day and I’m ready to shut my eyes and sleep.

Thank you for stopping by and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++ Hugs.