Accept

Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing on this amazing Thursday afternoon? Looks like we are heating up again, at least here in my part of the world. How about where you are? Shoot me a text, or drop me a comment, I love being able to engage with all of you.

Any plans for the weekend? I’d love for you to share. For me, my weekend begins tomorrow. I’ll be taking Grant to school, then heading home to get ready for spa day with some of my besties. We generally do this once a year. I’m super excited. I’m even getting a facial. I’m on decorating duty this year, so I hope everyone likes the theme. While we are celebrating two birthdays, I’m doing a spa theme with a touch of birthday splash here and there. Fingers crossed the birthday girls love the set up. I’ll try and share photos this weekend.

Saturday is John’s moms birthday, so we’ll be going to San Diego to celebrate her. Always a nice time celebrating together.

Last night my friend stopped by and her and I, along with John went to dinner. She’s my friend whose son recently came out as gay. She’s still trying to come to terms with everything. Makes my heart sad to see her struggle.

It’s weird, she loves her son so much, he’s her world, yet she’s conflicted. I thought for the longest time she was struggling simply with him coming out, but after talking to her last night, I get the sense that her torment is more with herself and the guilt she’s carrying.

You see, she raised her son as a Jehovah Witness. In that religion kids sit with their parents for the entire church service. From infancy, you are taught God’s standards as laid out in the New World Translation as well as in the Watchtower. Being gay is not even an option. It’s actually something that is condemned.

Last night during our conversation, I asked her when it was that her son realized he was gay. She said he’s grappled with his emotions most of his life, but became almost certain he was gay at the age of 15. He tussled with his emotions because he never could find himself attracted to girls. Even in college when girls would want to date him, he just couldn’t. Apparently he didn’t find himself attracted to women, but he didn’t find any particular man he was attracted too. This left him so confused.

My friend thinks he had pushed his feelings down so deep that he couldn’t even accept himself as being gay.

What makes so much sense now is, this young man has struggled with suicidal thoughts and major depression for years. I can’t even imagine what he’s gone through. While I’m no expert in mental health, nor am I a doctor or therapist of any kind, I can assume that perhaps his trying to quash what he truly knew about himself, it must have contributed to some level of his mental health issues.

It wasn’t long ago that a college friend of his, Linda, introduced him to his now boyfriend. It was from the instance of meeting his boyfriend that he knew at that moment he was absolutely gay. Seeing and meeting his boyfriend solidified what he already new, it just made things more clear in his mind. He couldn’t repress who he was any longer.

While talking with my friend I saw how she was struggling because of how she raised her son. She shared an experience of something that happened when her son was maybe 12 or 13. He and his brother were with their dad and the neighbor boy would hang out with my friends two sons. The neighbor boy was older, maybe 14 or 15 and he had already come out as being gay at the age of 13. Anyway, the boys name was Jason. He wanted to either spend the night with the boys at their dad’s home or at his. Well, my friend got wind of it and went over and picked her sons up and forbid the ex husband and her sons from having any part of being friends with the neighbor boy Jason who happened to be gay.

She says now, she regrets that. I believe her mindset now is, if her son would have been allowed to be more open minded and associate with people who were gay, then maybe coming out would have been easier and maybe he could have avoided years of depression due to suppressing who is really is, a wonderful, kind, compassionate gay man.

I think what this entire experience has taught me is, we have to accept people as they are. It’s not our place to judge and it’s not our place to decided what is right and wrong. It needs to be left up to our creator.

Leaving things in His hands is actually a gift. We don’t have to carry around judgement. We don’t have to try and get in someone’s head. We just have to be us. Simple, yet as humans, we tend to do what we can to figure out what we don’t understand. We also tend to judge. I suppose that’s a part of our sinful tendencies.

This young man knew he would never be accepted in the religion in which he was raised. He knew from an early age, either consciously or unconsciously that he had to suppress deep within himself that he is gay. He’s always been gay.

I can’t help but wonder how he is doing these days. I hope he’s truly happy and I hope he knows he’s loved the same today as he was before coming out.

I know for me there are certain triggers that take me back to my indoctrination. Certain things will trigger a feeling of guilt. The guilt stems from hearing over and over and over again that certain things are detestable to God.

I was taught that voting is something God hates. I was taught that Christmas, birthdays and associating with non believers was something God hated too. I was taught that if I partook in any of these things I stood the chance of being killed at Armageddon by God and I was taught that if I did any of these things before Armageddon, I would be disfellowshipped or shunned by those in the church.

I was raised in a religion/cult that was entirely fear based. Acceptance wasn’t a thing. Well, let me clarify. I was taught, you either accept the God of Watchtower or you are against him.

Let me tell you, as an adult of 55 years old, I still struggle from time to time with the indoctrination I endured for 48 years of my life. I can’t imagine how much my friends son had been struggling. I just hope he doesn’t struggle now. I want so much for him to have put the entire religion behind him.

My friend told us last night that she has shared with her brother that her son is gay. He said he always knew it. I asked her if her mom knew yet or her sisters. “Nope and I want to keep it that way.”

She said she knows her one sister will still accept her son, but her other sister, she kept saying to John and I, she will never let my son see her son.

Her sister has a 4 year old little boy and because she’s so indoctrinated into the religion, she would cast her nephew away and never allow him to be around her child. She would not want her nephew associating with her son and that is sad. Her nephew is gay, not a pediphile, yet, there will be no room in her life for him to be a part of it. He will never be accepted into some of his family’s life’s anymore once everyone finds out who he loves.

I saw a photo of my friends son with his boyfriend last night and he looks so happy. You can see it in his whole demeanor. He was smiling and he had this sense of calm. Most of his photos over his life have been just stoic, but now, he’s smiling.

While I don’t understand his attraction to another man, he doesn’t accept my attraction to a man. When we fall in love, it just happens. Even my friend said, from the moment my son laid eyes on and spoke with his boyfriend, he knew who he wanted to not only be with, but who he was attracted too. All his doubts about who he is are gone.

“Falling in love with someone you had no intentions on falling for is the most beautiful kind of love. No forcing chemistry, or trying to save them. Just a pure, raw connection that created on its own.”-Daily Quotes.

I know it’s hard to accept what is different from who we are, there’s no denying that. We all have our own belief system and that’s wonderful. We just need to remember, we can accept others for who they are because it’s not for us to question or judge. If we aren’t comfortable or we don’t like or agree with someone, then we are free to move to another table. Just do it with kindness and grace.

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”-Thich Nhat Hahn.

And there you have it. We need to simply accept ourselves. It’s not up to us to decided whose accepted and whose not. Accept you, after all, that’s the only thing we can control.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”-Roy T. Bennett.

I want to thank you for reading today’s blog. I hope the rest of your day is as amazing as you. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.