Coming out

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing on the terrific Tuesday morning? I do hope all is well and that your week is going amazing. Shoot me a text or drop me a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

Life has been nothing short of crazy for me. I’ve been doing way too much and the finish line, thought it’s at the end of this week, I’m exhausted and my pain level is off the charts. I am definitely ready for some down time. I told John yesterday, the pain that I’m experiencing right now, it’s the reason the doctors deemed me fully disabled. My body is reminding me of why I can’t work.

Today is going to be probably the worst day. I have an EMG/NCS study to do this afternoon. Basically, the doctors are checking my nerves and my muscles. Can’t wait for that to be over and done. Even though I have these tests today, I still need to finish packing. UGH, I hate moving.

Thanks for letting me rant a bit. I’m on a little bit of a pity party because I’m in pain and I am frustrated with things right now. I’ll share that later, but for now, onto the blog.

Today I wanted to talk about coming out. Yes, coming out as gay.

I got a call from a really close friend of mine the other day. She was on her way to visit her oldest son and she would be meeting his boyfriend for the very first time. When she called, she said, “I have something to tell you, but you can’t tell anyone.” Even though I’ll share her story and my thoughts I will be leaving out her name and details of who she is to protect her identity.

Anyway, this person was raised in the same religion as me, however, she’s since become what the ex JW community call, PIMO, physically in, mentally out. She is a JW in name only, but she lives a life that the witnesses would, let’s say, frown upon. Basically, she’s living a double life.

You may wonder why she doesn’t just leave the religion? Well, in my opinion, it’s really a cult. I believe that’s why she doesn’t just leave. She has too much family that would shun her if she left. When you leave this religion, much of the time, the consequences are outrageous. People, friends and family will shun you. Cut you off as though you are dead. Everyone you know just cuts you off. It’s crazy. It’s like, why would you care? If people don’t like you because you don’t believe the same way, then why would you want them in your life? Simple, it’s all you’ve ever known. They are the people you grow up with. They have been with you so much of your life. Because JW’s really encourage separation from the world a lot of the time, you have no outside friendships, not even with your non believing family. It’s a complete mind F and the religion/cult, it’s super controlling.

Not all JW’s are that extreme and many do accept their family members who have left, but there are a good amount of them that will literally cut you off. My own mother hasn’t spoken to me in nearly 8 years because I left the religion.

So when my friend called me, she needed someone to talk to because she couldn’t share with anyone else that her son is gay. I’m sure all the years of indoctrination aren’t helping her either. You see, when something major happens in the life of an ex JW, often times we are triggered and we go back into fighting the mindset of the fear that was instilled in us since infancy.

We fear displeasing God. We fear being destroyed by God. We fear so many things, because our faith was fear based. That’s how we were controlled. Fear.

Here is a clip of how JW’s feel about being a homosexual from JW.org. This clip is from their Young People Ask book:

“The Bible makes it clear that God designed sex to be engaged in only between a male and a female and only within the arrangement of marriage. (Genesis 1:27, 28; Leviticus 18:22; Proverbs 5:18, 19) When the Bible condemns fornication, it is referring to both homosexual and heterosexual conduct. *​—Galatians 5:19-21.

If someone asks: “What’s your view of homosexuality?”

You might reply: “I don’t hate homosexuals, but I can’t approve of their conduct.”

Here you see, they encourage their followers to when asked about their thoughts on homosexuals, to say, I don’t hate homosexuals, but I can’t approve of their conduct.”

In another one of their publications, they state:

“Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that the Bible’s moral code is the best standard for living, and they choose to abide by that code. (Isaiah 48:17) ^[2] This means that Jehovah’s Witnesses reject all sexual misconduct, including homosexuality. (1 Corinthians 6:18) ^[3] That is the Witnesses’ lifestyle choice, and they have a right to it.”

This one here was confusing to me. In one breath is appears they are saying that “witness’s reject all sexual misconduct, including homosexuality,” yet, they continue on with, “That is the Witnesses’ lifestyle choice, and they have a right to it.”

How can one reject something, yet have a right too it? Seems like a lot of fluff talk to me.

These clips are from the book Young People Ask, a book that is given to the children of the cult to read and study. From the way I was taught, it was a study guide where I was supposed to adopt it’s mind set.

Check out this final clip from the Young People Ask book:

“Attitudes about homosexuality may vary from one culture to the next or from one time period to another. But Christians aren’t governed by popular opinion or “carried here and there by every wind of teaching.” (Ephesians 4:​14) Instead, they base their view of homosexual conduct (and any other kind of conduct, for that matter) on the standards set forth in the Bible.

 The Bible’s standard regarding homosexual acts is clear. God’s Word says:

•  “You must not lie down with a male in the same way that you lie down with a woman.”​—Leviticus 18:22.
•  “God, in keeping with the desires of their hearts, . . . gave them over to uncontrolled sexual passion, for their females changed the natural use of themselves into one contrary to nature.”​—Romans 1:​24, 26.
•  “Do not be misled. Those who are sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, men who submit to homosexual acts, men who practice homosexuality, thieves, greedy people, drunkards, revilers, and extortioners will not inherit God’s Kingdom.”​—1 Corinthians 6:​9, 10.

 In reality, God’s standards apply to all people, whether they have homosexual desires or heterosexual desires. The fact is, everyone must exercise self-restraint when it comes to urges to engage in conduct that displeases God.​—Colossians 3:5.”

Note: These are taken directly from the JW. org website and these words are not mine, but theirs, just the way they printed/wrote them.

When my friend reached out to tell me her son came out as gay, she shared with me that she was the last to know. Her son had shared with his other siblings, he shared with his dad and stepmom, he shared with all his co-workers, but she was the very last to know.

Why was she the last to know? Fear. He was afraid to tell her because of the way she raised him. She raised him to believe being gay was wrong. Now, in all honesty, I don’t understand the attraction to the same sex, but that’s on me. I’m sure many of us can agree that there’s been so many times when we out with a friend, coworker and their significant other, I’m sure we’ve said or thought, “wonder what he/she sees in him/her, and that’s generally in a straight relationship.

What I’m getting at is, even thought we don’t understand what someone sees in someone else, be it a straight or gay relationship, at the end of the day, if someone is bringing happiness and joy to the other person and helping to enrich their life, then all the power to them. Not my business.

I can’t imagine what my friends son has been struggling with for so long. How did he accept himself as being gay, when for his entire life, he was taught, God is against homosexuality. Being told your entire life that God hates the sexual act between gay people, well, I can’t even begin to image what my friends son and all the other young people struggle with in that religion when they discover or come to realize, they are gay.

It’s hard enough being different from everyone else. I mean, JW’s are so different in their beliefs. They are so extreme in my opinion, their youth are in many cases bullied amongst their peers in school. We’ll talk about that in more detail later.

Not all JW kids are bullied, but many are. They are made fun of because they don’t celebrate Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, and they aren’t allowed to participate in many school activities. This was the case for my friends son. His mom while raising him believed their (JW) teachings. She taught him that being gay was something God hated, and that might be part of the reason she’s struggling too.

We had a long talk about her son coming out as gay. Oh, by the way, he’s in his late 20’s and he told her, he’s always known.

I asked her if she felt any different about her son. She said, “I’m not sure. She said she can’t get it out of her head that he is having sex, making love with another man. She said she is struggling to think about him kissing another man. “I can’t get it out of my mind him touching and being touched by another man.”

I listened to her for quite some time. She cried, I cried for her pain, then I asked her, “do you think about me kissing John? Do you think about me having sex or making love with John? Do you think about your parents kissing and having sex?”

“NO!!! That’s weird.,” she said. I replied, “then why are you allowing yourself to think about your sons sex life?” At the end of the day, sure, while this is all so new to her she will think about him being gay, yet, isn’t it more weird to be thinking about what others do in the privacy of their own home? He’s still the same person he’s always been, he’s just gay. He is still her baby, though a man now, but nothing about him has changed, other than, he’s no longer single, he’s in a committed relationship. No different that her other kids, except, they are heterosexual and he’s homosexual.

My friend and I talked for a couple of hours. She needed to vent, rant, cry, be angry, not with him, but with herself. She was overcome with guilt because she was punishing herself for raising him to believe that God hated gay people, or at least their lifestyle. She cried because she felt she hurt her son and she was deeply saddened because she used to be the one he shared all his secrets with and now, she was the last to know.

She said to me, “how can he ever forgive me for raising him to believe God would hate him if he was gay?” I told her to just continue to be his mom and accept who he is. You can love him unconditionally, the way you always have. Nothings changed. He’s still your son, he’s still the man you’ve always loved. End of story.

I can’t imagine how hard it was on my friends son to finally come out. While society does accept homosexuality more readily now, there’s still a stigma. Not everyone agrees with “the lifestyle,” but really, is it a lifestyle, or is it who you are? I know one thing, it’s not for me to judge or decide. I still love her son. He’s been in my life for a very long time and at the end of the day, all I can hope is that he his happy and loved. I hope that for everyone.

I hope we all have love and happiness in our life, I mean, we already have enough hatred in this world, why fixate ourselves on what someone does behind closed doors. Why does it matter who someone loves. Our happiness isn’t dependent on who others fall in love with.

You know guys, life is hard enough. Like I told my friend, her son will have struggles ahead of himself. He still has close family members who are in this religion/cult. He will most likely be shunned by some of them. His mom told me that one of her sisters who has a young child will probably never have anything to do with him again. How sad.

God has given us the ability to love and be loved. That’s all we need to concern ourselves with. The rest of it? Well, perhaps letting go might be our best choice. Thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Shoot me a text or drop me a comment.

Well guys, I gotta get to getting things done and getting ready for my nerve/muscle study.

I do hope you all have a wonderful day and until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.