What do you say?

Happy Saturday afternoon,

Hope your weekend is going well. I know I already posted once today, but I’ve been thinking a lot about death. In particular, my friends daughter who just passed away unexpectedly. While we’ve most likely all known someone that’s passed on, I wonder, is it ever possible to know exactly what to say to someone who just lost a loved one?

Yesterday, my friend pointed out to me, people just don’t know what to say to her. She said, the only thing she can handle hearing right now is, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” She doesn’t want anything else right now. She said she can’t handle the awkward, so an I’m sorry would be pleasant and it would allow the conversation to not sit in the uncomfortable of silence of trying to find words.

What do you say when someone loses their child? I’m at a loss for words when I’m with . my friend. All I do is listen and when she apologizes for being angry with her daughter, I tell her it’s okay to be angry. I tell her every emotion and feeling she has is normal.

I don’t think there’s a right way to grieve. We never received a handbook on to how to cope with the loss of a child, no matter what the age.

“But grief is a walk alone. Others can be there and listen, but you will walk alone down your own path, at your own pace, with your sheared-off pain, your raw wounds, your broken heart, your denial, anger and bitter loss. You’ll come to your own peace, hopefully…but it will be on your own, in your own time, in your own way.”-Out of Ashes.

I know losing my dad was and is way different then my friend losing her daughter, but one thing I did learn and come to appreciate is that when we lose someone, we do need to find our own way to grieve. There is no right or wrong way. We shouldn’t feel we need to compare our grief to the way someone else grieved.

I cried a lot when dad died. I still find myself crying alone. I’m not the only one who lost dad, my brothers lost him too, and we all grieve differently. Each of us had our own, unique relationship with him, therefore, our processing of his passing will be different.

When dad died, John tried to comfort me. He would just let me lay in his arms and cry. Nothing he said took away my pain. Believe me, he would constantly ask what he could do for me. He wanted so desperately to take my pain away, but he couldn’t. Looking back, I think what brought me the biggest comfort was him just validating my feelings.

The kindest words I ever heard during the initial loss of my dad was, “I’m so sorry for your loss and for your pain.” Nothing more needed to be said.

I know the loss of my dad doesn’t even compare to the loss of a child. Dad died in what people refer to as natural order of things. Losing a child is harder to come to terms with. We reflect on our own life and realize, our babies who’ve left this world, they still had so much more living to do.

“There is no pain like the broken heart of a grieving mother.”-unknown.

Unless we’ve lost a child, we’ll never know the true pain of that mother who is getting ready to bury her daughter or son. We can understand the grief process, but to truly know the pain of a grieving mother, I don’t think anyone can truly understand it, unless they lost one of their own. I pray nobody has to walk in those shoes, but, I know many more will have to.

“The strongest person in the world is a grieving mother that wakes up and keeps going every morning.”-Tara Watkins Anderson.

One thing that brings many comfort is their belief system in a higher power, God, or the Universe. Many during this time are having their faith tested beyond anything they thought possible. I only hope my friend can find strength in her belief. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”-Psalm 34:18.

I’m not sure if there are any perfect words to say to someone who just lost their child. I don’t know if we can do anything but pray for them. Perhaps we just let them know we are there for them if they need a shoulder to cry on, or maybe they just need someone to sit and listen as they process their emotions.

I found this prayer this afternoon when I was trying to research the perfect thing to say to a grieving mother. With the different things I found, I simply couldn’t see myself ever saying things like, “it’ll be okay, your daughter is in heaven now.” What I did find comforting was knowing I could pray for my friend and her family.

The following prayer seems fitting for my friend today:

“A prayer for a mother who lost a child. From one mother to another, may I pray for you? Dear Heavenly Father,
I know how much you love your precious daughter. She is in pain over the loss of her precious child. I’m so thankful you can sympathize with her suffering because you, too, lost a child. Father, I pray you will guard her heart and mind against the lies of the enemy, and unintentionally harmful comments from others who haven’t walked in her shoes and don’t understand the grief she feels. Father, you are the God of all comfort. Would you comfort her heart right now. Will you be the lifter of her head. Will you remind her how very much she and her precious child are loved. And will you tend to the desires of her heart. We know that your word says you love to lavish good gifts on your children. Lavish your love on her today. Heal the hurt and wounded places. Do not let her pain be in vain. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen.“-Dr. Michelle Bengtson.com-Hope Prevails.

Dear readers, what would you say to a friend who is about to bury her oldest child? I’d love to hear your comments. I don’t think there’s any wrong answer to this question. Thoughts?

Thank you for reading and until next time, stay safe, cherish your loved ones and please don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.