Believe in you

Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing on this amazing Thursday? While we may be getting some clouds with a few drizzles here and there, it’s still a perfect day. The sun is definitely trying to poke it’s glory through the clouds. Maybe with weather like this, our summer won’t be so intense? Wishful thinking anyway.

Life sure is busy lately, but the end results will be super exciting. I am beyond grateful to my new therapist. Gosh, she’s really helping me calm my mind. She’s giving me tools to get out of the mess and put myself into the calm. My girl tribe is helping to remind me that some things are not mine to own, so letting go and letting God, and they remind me that some things I need to just give the wheel over to John to navigate.

I’m learning it’s okay for me to have expectations, but ultimately on certain things, it’s John who I need to hand over my concerns too so he can ease my stress. I was recently reminded, I don’t need to take on everything alone and John and I have had some deep conversations about me needing to rely more on him. Allow him to take over. And I need to communicate my fears so he can help me. He always says, “you don’t need to do this alone, I am here for you always.”

It sure is nice having a man in my life who sees my struggles and wants to help. He sure is wonderful and a blessing to me.

It’s a shift in my thinking to be able to rely more on John. I’ve generally had to handle life on my own. Since I was 12, I’ve been basically figuring out life by myself. Sure, I had a mother and her husband, but at 14 when I began babysitting, I’d have to pay for my own things that I wanted. I babysat as much as I could. At 14 I began paying for my own school clothes and hygiene products. The husband and mother did pay for food in the house, but anything I needed for school or personal things, it was on me. If I couldn’t afford something, they would buy it, but the husband kept a running tab and I would have to pay him back. When I got married at 17, my step father gave my husband at the time a bill for over $3,000 that I owed him. On that bill was an itemized statement, including tax for everything he bought for me when I didn’t have money to pay for it.

I remember my ex saying to my step father, “your seriously giving me a bill for tampons, she’s 17, shouldn’t you have paid for this?” Yup, that was seriously, on the bill.

So you see, I had to take on a lot with little to no help. Oh, as far as the bill my ex got, he refused to pay it, so my step father filed my taxes that year and kept my refund. Money sure does bring out the worst in people. The positive is, I had to figure life out from an early age and while I didn’t recognize it at the time, it was truly with God’s help that I’ve survived this far into my life.

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it’s own wings. Always believe in yourself.”-power of positivity.

In all honesty, I was in fight or flight mode through most of my life. I didn’t realize then that I could shift that to believing in myself. I had wings to fly, I just didn’t see it, so I made decisions based upon fear. I mean, I got married at 17 in part, because I didn’t think I had any choices. I was raised to believe I had to get married young, have children and serve a man and a cult.

Why do I share this with you? Because I want you to see, if you’re a young person reading this, you are worthy of so much more. You are stronger then you think and you are never alone.

“Do not be afraid to share your story. It could be the key that unlocks someone else’s prison.”-Wheretrueloveis.com.

I know I’ve said this before, but my entire goal with this blog is to share my story in hopes I can help someone. I want to help you see how worthy you are. I want you to pursue a life and path that you were meant to be on. I want to share with you how I went from fearing God and being so angry with him to opening my heart to his grace. He’s always been with me, but I was so consumed in my anger towards him that I spent so much time blaming him, I failed to see that through my trials, he helped wake me up and he helped me escape the cult.

I’ve been reminded that my trials were lessons and those lessons have taught me how to be more compassionate and kind towards others. Those lessons are teaching me to never judge a book by it’s cover and we never know what someone is going through because we aren’t walking in their shoes.

I’m learning to believe in myself. Six months ago I would have never said I have a gift and that gift is the ability to write. I would have told you, I love to write. I love to blog and share my story, but I would have never recognized myself as being a good writer. Even writing it now is uncomfortable and I will say, I still have things to learn and I want to fine tune my skill. I will also tell you, I am learning to believe in myself and my ability to make a difference through my writing.

“Believe in you. Because your voice is important. Because your dreams matter. Because there is only one you, because you are worth it.”-therandomvibez.

We are all born into this world either to parents who love and accept us. Raise and guide us, or we’re born to parents or a parent who makes poor choices in parenting. To those who have had to figure life out without good parenting, I pray you find your way through the example of others in your life who you can aspire to be like. I hope you can find it deep within to believe in yourself and know you are more than capable of being the best version of who your are meant to be.

There’s someone I know who has blamed his parents for his entire life’s bleeps and blunders. He blames his parents for not being successful. I had a conversation with him once about his anger towards them and I asked him how he could still be so angry with them at the age of 40. He said it was their fault for not giving him a better start in life. He’s stuck in the mindset of blaming others.

It broke my heart to think he still blames his parents for his poor choices. You see, in my opinion, he could have changed things once he reached adulthood, but he chose to stay in the anger. Even when therapist have tried to help him see he can make his own choices, he still finds a way to blame his parent. I can’t help but wonder if his life would be different if he would have found the strength to believe in himself. Does he believe in himself? Guess that’s for him to answer.

Believing in ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. We are born dependent and its not always easy to learn to be independent and learn to believe in ourselves, but it is the way life was supposed to be.

Kids aren’t born with a how do raise me handbook and parents aren’t given a how to do it right manual either. It’s all a learning curve, but, we as parents are given resources and of course, we hope we have fine examples from the adults in our lives.

I think it’s important for us all to realize, it is the faith in ourselves that will help us succeed in life. We need to believe we can fly and follow our dreams. We are all meant to grow and experience not only a wonderful life, but lessons too. Lessons in life will hopefully teach us what we find acceptable and what we don’t. Lessons will hopefully show us where we need to make positive changes in our lives. When all else fails, if we aren’t able to see a way out, perhaps then is the time to fall to our knees and ask our creator to lift us up and carry us through the storm.

It was when I learned to pray again and give my burdens to God, it was then, I began to believe in myself. I was reminded of how strong I really am. I can’t go back in time and do things differently and that’s okay, because now I’m able to look back at my choices and learn from them. I hope I can continue to share my lessons in life with all of you and I pray, you won’t have to feel defeated by what life’s handed you. I hope you can see your value and I hope you can always believe in yourself.

You are so worthy, so wonderfully made. You and I deserve to build on the confidence that believing in ourselves will lead us on the path He’s desired for us.

My dear readers, believe in yourself. It’s okay to question things and it’s okay to ask for guidance, after all, you never know what you will learn from others life stories.

“Always remember, you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”-Christopher Robin.

Thank you for reading and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++ Hugs.