Me

Happy Monday

How are you all doing on this amazing and beautiful Monday afternoon? How was your weekend? Shoot me a text or drop me a comment, I would love to hear all about it.

My weekend was a good one. John and I spent Saturday with our dear friends in San Diego, then Sunday I got up early and headed back to our lake home to meet up with some girlfriends for a fun and exciting fundraiser for my club. We went by way of limo to a fun little boutique where we all tried on fun outfits and laughed and just enjoyed being together. The best part though, in all honesty, was, we all encouraged one another to embrace who we are.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m pretty critical of who I am. I have low self-esteem when it comes to my weight, something I’ve struggled with for most of my life. As a child and young teen, my step-dad used to remind me of how chubby I was. Funny, back in the day, I weighed, maybe 100 pounds, wet. He used to criticize me all the time, no matter how skinny or chunky I was. I even developed anorexia and bulimia. I still have a definite fear of food.

When my little brother was born, Mother used to always comment that he was her most prized child, he was her best looking baby and neither my sister nor I came close to his beauty. To top it all off, when I got married, I weighed 100 pounds on the dot. My ex-husband thought after I went up to 105 pounds, from a size zero to a size 2 I needed to lose a few pounds, so he put me on diet pills.

Body image is something I’ve always struggled with. I don’t remember a time when I could look in the mirror be accepting.

Now that I weigh well over 100 pounds, I see every ounce on my body and there’s no covering it or hiding it. I do try to accept who I am. I walk daily and now, I try and swim at least 3 days a week, along taking a diet assisted medication. I’ve lost 12 pounds, however, it’s not quite noticeable yet. I’ve got some poundage left to lose, one ounce at a time.

While shopping yesterday, I tried on this dress. It didn’t look good on me and I knew it. Before I could continue down the negative rabbit hole of self loathing, my friends stepped up and said, “try the next one. Not everything is meant to look good on everyone.”

I think we all were struggling a tad yesterday, because this amazing little boutique carried mostly smaller sizes, or at least that’s what it seemed like to me. While not all of us are on the chubbier side, we all have a curve here and there or we are on the taller side or the shorter side. None of our bodies fit the same mold. Happily though, we all found something we felt good about wearing, and we all walked away with something new.

Thank goodness for my friends, especially my friend Kathy. She was kind and honest about the different things I tried on. She’d say, “that doesn’t compliment you,” or “that looks good on you. It tailors your body nicely.” She helped me calm the storm in my head. She was honest all while helping me to be kinder to myself. Kathy always brings grace and kindness to our group. Gotta love her positivity . I’m so thankful for her.

My friend Shawna told me, “it doesn’t matter about what we think, it matters how you feel in the outfit. Wear what makes you comfortable, we’ll love you just the way you are.” Shawna has a way with making everyone feel loved and appreciated. She’s our glue that binds us together.

Unconditional acceptance was the theme for yesterday amongst the girl tribe.

I’m blessed to be a part of this amazing group of ladies. My friend Jan said to me right after I saw this gorgeous dress all while noticing it was 2 sizes too small and saying under my breath, “ugh, I wish I was small again.” “I read every one of your blogs, practice what you preach and stop being so hard on yourself.” Working on it. I sure do love Jan’s directness. She says it like it is, but with love and kindness in her voice.

I believe with all my heart that God put these amazing ladies in my life. Everyone of them. We all struggle with something and the best thing about us is, we see the real person under each others imperfections.

Jeannie is always the one who is making sure we all know she loves us just the way we are. When Jeannie looks at you, she sees who you are from the inside out. The beautiful dark pink dress really spoke her name.

Donna, wow, she’s worked so hard to feel good in her body. She’s always been so beautiful and she brings a slice of, I love you all just the way you are to the table. You know with her friendship you can be your authentic self. The dress with the pop of blues and greens really showed off her outside beauty, in my opinion anyway.

John asked me the other night if I thought I could ever leave my girl tribe and be happy somewhere else. While it would be the most difficult thing, the answer is yes, as long as I’m with him. For now, the lake is our home and I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful, not only for having the most supportive partner in my life, but family supports us and my girl-tribe does too.

“Next time you admire the wonderful things God has made, remember YOU are one of them.”-lifelong mama therapy.

John will be joining me full time soon here at the lake and I am beyond excited. I might have a few surprises for him when he gets here. Maybe a welcome home party is on the horizon. When he’s here, he’s so calm, even in the eye of the storms he deals with at work, he’s able to step away from his desk and walk outside and just take in the beauty of our home.

This was my view last night. I watched the sunset from where I’m sitting now, on my patio. The lake had tints of oranges and pinks and the sky, well, the photo doesn’t do it justice. This is one of the many wonders of His creation and I’m blessed to be sitting here writing to all of you. I’m thankful He’s showing me that I am deserving of having the blessing of my home.

Every once in awhile, God sends a nice cool breeze through the trees as a reminder. He’s right here with me. While it’s hard for me to sit and embrace myself completely, I can’t deny that God has given me so many blessings in life.

My friends are right, I need to accept myself more, after-all, I try to remind you dear readers of how wonderfully made each and everyone of you are. We are as unique as our fingerprints. NO one else is quite like us.

I admire my girl-tribe and the stories of where they’ve come from in life. We all bring a little something different to the table and we stand united in supporting each other, being there for one another and guess what, none of us is perfect. We’re all aging and feeling the affects of it. Some of have more hidden struggle then others, none the less, we all have our own personal demons we deal with. We all know, in a moments notice though, each of us is on speed dial if we need a little boost or an honest kick in the butt.

As Molly and I sit here writing and reflecting on God’s grace, I feel more empowered to take a chance on me and do my best to accept me. Completely me. I do need to work harder at being heathier because God did give me this body, so it’s my duty to treat it kindly.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”-Roy T. Bennett.

I’m am absolutely weighed down by the struggles with my weight. John says that I tell myself I’m fat, so my mind and body believes it. He says, try telling yourself your getting healthy, your working hard at feeding your body things to nourish it rather than things that make you feel bad about yourself. See how this will change how you see yourself. Suppose it’s worth a try. Saying all the negative about myself hasn’t worked. So, perhaps saying the good things will do me better.

I’m ready to fly. I’m ready to take on new adventures and set sail for following my dreams. As I write to you all, I am gaining the burst of energy to turn my house into my forever home. I don’t know if this is where God will keep us forever, but for now, this is home and I will embrace and appreciate every moment I’m blessed to be here.

Being surrounded by so much love, being accepted by John, my family, his family, our friends, my girl-tribe, God has opened my eyes in an entirely different way this morning. He’s opened my eyes to an even greater sense of gratitude for the many blessings He’s bestowed upon me. God is good.

Life is about lessons. It’s also about growing into ourselves and accepting who we are. Society has taught women to fit into this mold of perfection. We’re supposed to be the perfect size, but some of us are short, some tall, some skinny, some not so much, but we are exactly what we were created to be. While some of us need to work on healthier choices and maybe indulge less often on what we put into our bodies, we should still accept ourselves. Maybe we need to get off our booties a little more and move. Maybe, just maybe, we need to accept ourselves in a more positive way. Can’t hurt.

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed, and you are beautiful.”-Amy Bloom, and I think this is the perfect quote to end today’s blog.

Today is a new day. Today is the beginning of a new week and today is the day to embrace ourselves and more importantly, today is the day to accept who we are.

Until next time, I hope you are all doing well, staying safe and enjoying who you were meant to be. Oh, don’t forget, Love Life++ hugs.