Happy Tuesday,
How are you all doing on this amazing Tuesday morning? All is well here. I’m sitting outside again taking in the beauty of my surroundings. As I write to each of you I feel a sense of calm. Being close to water sure does calm my soul. It’s gonna be a hot one today. How’s the weather in your part of the world?
Shoot me a text or drop me a comment and please don’t forget to subscribe to my blog so you never miss an upload.
While walking Molly this morning, I was listening to my book on Audible, “A Confident Heart,” by Renee Swope and she was sharing her experience about how she wanted to bury her past and have God rewrite her story so she could share with others in her ministry a better version of herself. She was ashamed of her former life and didn’t want to share because she was in part, afraid of the way SHE thought others would perceive her. I get it. Some things in our past we simply do not want to share out of fear of what others would think of us.
While writing my memoir, my friend who was proof reading and editing for me encouraged me to remove certain parts of my book so as not to be too graphic. He would ask the question, “do you want people to know this about you?” I guess not, however, in my original writing, I put it all in there, only to erase it as though it never happened.
By taking out those parts of my writings, my story is no longer complete. I was thinking more about what people would think of me, rather than the thought that perhaps God is using me to give my experience in order to help someone else.
“The way people view you. Sometimes I think about the different characters I play in everybody’s story. I’m a terrible person in some people’s narrative and a Godsend in others. And none of it has anything to do with the person I truly am. The lens that others view you through is colored by their upbringing, beliefs and individual experiences. Some people see your bright personality as endearing and others see it as annoying. Some people think you’re weak and emotional and others feel safe to be themselves around you. Some people think you’re rude and selfish and others respect the way you stand up for yourself. Some people admire the way you take pride in the way you look and others think you’re conceited. And none of it has to do with who you truly are as a person. What you have to understand is that you have no authority how people view you so never try to control the way others see you because the only thing that truly matters when the dust settles down at the end of the day is what you genuinely see in yourself.”-Cody Bret.
My story doesn’t define who I am as a person. My mistakes, my traumas are who I am, on the contrary, they helped make me who I am today. I chose the path to survive and I came out on the other side, happier, healthier and more confident. Sure, I still struggle with some of the details that’s led me to who I am today, and I still work at not allowing myself to be consumed with the bad things that happened to me. I still fall short of not redirecting my thinking. I still talk to a mental health professional to help sort out the darkness in my mind, but, through my mess, I beg God to use it for his message to help others.
My book will have all the details and I can promise you this, some of those details will curl your toes and I hope they do. No, it’s not because I want you to feel sorry for me, or to cause you to be uncomfortable, it’s so you can pass along the story to someone you may know whose struggling in their life, or maybe you will take my struggles and they will help you avoid them in your own life. Maybe, just maybe, I can help one person through my experiences. Maybe someone can avoid some of what I couldn’t.
I’ve been praying a lot lately and I’ve even expressed it here in my blog that I want to be used by God in whatever way he sees fit. My aha moment came this morning listening to my book. In order to be used completely, I have to be transparent and allow God to heal my trauma, instead of me burying it.
My mess can be used as His message. His message, I pray, comes through me as a messenger of hope through God’s direction.
In my prayers I’m always telling God, “I’m not the brightest light in room, so please give me a black or white answer so I know its from you.’
I’ve always been black and white and a what if kinda gal. That’s a huge mixture for nothing but disaster. We can’t, or I can’t allow myself to be so rigid in thinking that I miss the opportunities He’s laid out before me.
I was looking back on some of my memories on Facebook and back in 2015 I had posted a conversation between me and my son Kevin. We were talking and I had expressed to him that I always wanted to be a writer. I was telling him how back in high school my teachers thought I should go into journalism and his reply to me was, “Write the book mom, I know you can do it.”
Can you believe it, 9 years have passed and while my book is written, I’ve avoided getting my story published. I believe that’s why God brought John into my life, well, one of the reasons. I do know there are many more reasons why God put John and I together, but as far as my book goes, God gave me John to give me the final push I needed to just write. John helped me set up my blog, which is something I had never heard of before and now, I have three blogs. Don’t tell anyone, but right now, this one is by far, my favorite one to write.
On Sunday, while I was going through a box Tommy brought me, there lie within it, a journal I had started. I opened it and I had three pages of another book I thought I could write. It is a love story. Little did I know when I wrote those words, my love story would take me from my first love to my ultimate love. I think I might just have to finish that book.
Through all my messes in life, God has been right there, even when I didn’t feel his presence, he was there. It was my lack of faith that didn’t allow me to be see that.
I am even more determined to keep on writing and if it be His will, my writing will become my source of income and if not, that’s okay too, I will still write because I feel empowered to write. “Through each of our stories, we see a little bit of ourselves in them.”-Wendi Renay.
With so many changes coming my way over the next couple of months, I know, more then ever, I need to rely on my creator to help me, to help us, through the hiccups we’ll face. What doesn’t make us crumble will only make us stronger. Sometimes the life we think we want, isn’t really what He wants for us. That’s when we need to leave things in his hands. This is when we give our mess to Him in order to be used as His messenger.
It’s time to take a deep breath and embrace who we are, who I am. Gosh, it’s not easy. When I look in the mirror, I still can’t see what John sees and I certainly don’t see what God sees, but, I’m willing to take a step back and allow Him to transform me.
I want to be able to embrace the thought and allow it to sink in, I have no authority over how others view me and it’s out of my control, it really is. What is in my control is how I genuinely see myself and that my dear readers, is where the work begins. I need to stop the resistance of finding my worth in others and find it within myself. That’s my job and the first thing I’m doing is to go back and put back in the parts of my life that I omitted from my manuscript.
I hope we can all, at the end of the day see that our past mistakes and traumas don’t define us, they are lessons, not only for us, but hopefully for God to use to help others. My mess, His message.
Well guys, I need to get myself busy packing. I’m heading to San Diego for a few days. I have doctors appointments beginning tomorrow through Friday, but I’ll keep writing. It’s my daily dose of expresso happiness.
Until next time, I do hope you have a blessed day and please don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Love Life with Dawna 