Raising sons

Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing on this amazing Monday evening? All is well here. It’s a gorgeous day today, so I decided to sit outside and write to you. Before we get started, let me ask, how was your weekend? Mine was awesome. I would love to hear about yours and how things are in your neck of the woods, so drop me a comment and hit the like button. You make my day when I get responses from my blog postings.

I wanted to share a photo of my writing space today. I am beyond grateful for this beautiful day. Would love to see some photos from where you are perhaps reading this from? Anyway, I do hope you are well, staying safe, happy and healthy.

Today I wanted to write about raising sons. Every day at some point I jump on Facebook for a moment in hopes of seeing a photo of one of my beautiful nieces or nephews or perhaps one of my brothers or sister-in-laws sharing something fun they did, or a memory. Today when I jumped on for like, all of 5 minutes, I had not one, but several friends and family members share this one particular post and I thought, why not share it too for all my readers to enjoy. The post seemed fitting and resonated with me since I’ve raised two sons of my own and I try my best to help John with his two sons. While they aren’t from my body, I love them like mine own, both of them.

My sister-in-law posted something right before the post I’ll be sharing with you in a moment. She posted from Mama Life, “I have kids in my life that aren’t even mine, and I would do anything for them,” then she tagged my amazing nephew and expressed her love for him. It is true, she might not have given him life, but he is her life. No different then the two who came from her womb.

I think this quote speaks volumes of the kind of mother she’s been to my nephew and I hope, one day in the future, both of my John’s kiddos can say the same about me. I know my nephew would agree with this statement, “You never treated me as a spare child, but as an extra blessing.”-unknown.

I seem to be getting off topic here. I think I could go on all day about the challenges of being step-in-moms, and the feelings of bio moms who have a hard time dealing with another woman being in their kiddos life. We’ll save that topic for another time.

Let’s get back on topic. Raising sons. Like I mentioned earlier, several of my friends and family posted the following quote, “If my son grows up to think I come before his wife, then I failed as a mother. We’re raising our sons to be men, fathers and husbands. We don’t come before their future families.”-unknown.

Funny, my neighbor told me yesterday that her son had been over at her home all morning helping her. He’s been helping her a lot over the last couple of months due to a flood she had in her home. Apparently, her daughter-in-law has been feeling a little upset because her hubby hasn’t been helping her around their home. The daughter-in-law apologized to my friend/neighbor and instead of being upset with her or thinking the daughter-in-law was being controlling, she recognized her feelings and told her son to go home. She told her son, “your wife needs you and that’s where you need to be. I appreciate your help, but go home to your wife.” The daughter-in-law was beyond appreciative. She thanked her mother-in-law.

This situation could have played out in a negative way. Thankfully it didn’t. My neighbor was sharing this experience with me and her exact words to me were, “I raised my son to put his family first, and that’s just what he did and I couldn’t be more proud.”

Moms out there and dads too, you’re not off the hook here when it comes to raising sons, this requires teamwork. Our sons require something from both of us. A father will bring to the table the skills required to be a man. A father will show his son, not only how to work hard and support his family, he’ll show him how to treat a woman, his wife, the mother of his children.

Ladies, moms, we bring to the table a whole lot of emotion. Boy is it hard to keep those darn things in tack. We as mothers of sons need to realize, we truly are our sons first love. We are the first woman in their life, but, we raise them to go out into the world, fall in love and build a life with the woman who will be their life. They will fall in love and create a life with someone, and that’s the way its supposed to be. We need to find balance in raising sons. We want to teach them to be loving, kind and compassionate, all while showing us respect as we let them go. We can’t hold on too tight, the men we raise need our guidance, but they need us to allow them to grow into the men we’ve always hoped they’d be. Gosh, wouldn’t we love to keep smothering those beautiful boys of ours? Yeah, but take a step back, they aren’t boys anymore. There stands before many of us, a boy we’ve always loved and as we look up at him, we see the amazing man he’s become. It’s time to let go.

If we raised them right, they’ll never leave us entirely, they’ll always check in and there will always be times they just need their moms love before we send them back to her, the woman whose become their world.

The hardest thing I ever did was say goodbye to the men I raised as they became husbands, or should I say, one is a husband and the other has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for 6 years now. They plan to get married in a year or two, but for now, they are finishing school and launching into life. Anyway, I sometimes sit and wonder what the boys are up to, then, I have to realize, I raised them to be husbands, fathers and I raised them to start their own family, and that’s just what they’re doing. I have to remember, I’m merely a branch in their family tree and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m grateful that my boys check in from time to time. I’m grateful for our mother-son dates and I love it when they pop in to check on me. More than that, my heart gleams with joy knowing they are right where they’re supposed to be, with their better halves. I would have chosen my daughter-in-law and my one day to be daughter-in-law for my sons if the choice would have been mine. They are the girls my sons and I dreamed of. I couldn’t have chosen any better.

There’s a song that always comes to mind when I think back to when my sons were launching into their own. It’s by Suzy Bogguss and it’s called, “Letting Go.” This song is about a mother whose daughter is going off to college, however, I sometimes listen to it and think about my sons starting their lives with Kaitlyn and Jagger.

“He’ll (she’ll) take the painting in the hallway, the one she did in jr. high and that old lamp up in the attic, he’ll (she’ll) need to study by. She’s had 18 years to get ready for this day. She should be past the tears, she cries some anyway. Oh, letting go, there’s nothing in the way now, oh, letting go, there’s room enough to fly. And even though she’s spent her whole life waiting, it’s never easy, letting go.”

Letting go is such a difficult task, especially when it comes to our sons. I’ve heard it said, that daughters never really leave their moms, they’re always there checking in and talking all the time, but sons, they navigate to their wives and their side of the family. I don’t know how true it is as a whole, but, from personal experience, my sons do more with Kaitlyn and Jaggers families and I love that my boys are so accepted by their extended families. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

“Mother sits down at the table, so many things she’d like to do. Spend more time out in the garden, now she can get those books read too. She’s had 18 years to get ready for this day. She should be past the tears, she cries some anyway. Oh, letting go, there’s nothing in the way now, oh letting go, there’s room enough to fly. And even though she’s spent her whole life waiting, it’s never easy letting go.”

Letting go is certainly, the hardest thing as moms we have to do, especially boy moms. I still tear up when I hear this song, because letting go is never easy, but we raise our sons to put his partner and family first.

What a conflict we can play out in our minds. We’re proud of our grown sons for the men they’ve become, yet, we’re sad, perhaps a little, because we aren’t their only love anymore. Nothing can ever replace us being their first love. We in turn, should strive to never come between them and their forever love.

I am happy to announce, I don’t come first in Tommy and Kevin’s life anymore, I do miss the bond we once had, but now, our relationship is different and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I’ll always be there for them and they know that. They also know, their place in life is no longer putting me first. My role in their life has changed, just like it’s supposed to. Change isn’t easy, but in this case, it does my mama heart glad to see they are doing exactly what I raised them to do. They are putting Kaitlyn and Jagger first.

Nobody ever said raising boys, daughters or children for that matter was easy. None of us were given a handbook on how to raise our kids, on the other hand, our kids were never given a handbook on how to raise their parents. Having children is a two way street. We’re in it together. Our kids are learning from us how to grow up and become the best possible versions of themselves and we as parents are learning how to navigate raising our kids, without crippling them.

Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world, well, except for being a kid. That jobs pretty difficult too. Both jobs require a willingness to learn and grow.

Raising sons was what this blog was supposed to be about, however, I feel like we dabbled a tad into being not only a mother to sons, but mothers over all and we talked a little about being a step-in-mom and we talked about daughters too.

I hope what we can all take away from today’s blog is this, let’s raise our sons to be men, husbands and fathers, if they chose. Let’s raise them to be the kind of man we would fall in love with and would want children with. Raising daughters, let’s teach them their worth and let’s help them see their value as women, wives and mothers, should they choose.

All we can do is teach our children by our example in the way we live our life. We have the power to change this world by the way we teach our children and of course, our examples will hopefully be apparent in the way they raise their children and so on. Just my opinion.

I’d love to hear what you think about today’s blog and I’m sure others would love your input too, especially those who are just venturing out on the parent path.

Drop us a comment or shoot me a text, I do love hearing from you.

Moms, hats off to each and everyone of you, whether you birthed that amazing son standing before you, or you stepped in to raise him or help raise him, you’re doing a good job. Keep raising fine young men who will someday become husbands and fathers. Show them how to treat a woman and show them that even when they venture out on their own, they should always check in with their mamas, their first loves.

Until next time, thank you for reading and don’t forget, Love Life++ Hugs.