Into the fire

Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing on the beautiful day? Gosh, it sure is gorgeous outside, at least in my neck of the woods. How is the weather wherever your at today? Can you believe it, one more day until the weekend. This weekend is a pretty special one. It’s Easter.

I wanted to share a little photo of my Easter tree with you all. I sure do love decorating for the holidays and seasons, so this is what I have in a little corner of my dining area. I think it’s super cute, thoughts?

As I sit here, writing this blog and looking at my little Easter tree, I couldn’t feel happier. I’m enjoying what I truly love doing all while openly being able to embrace holidays. I feel free and at peace with my life.

Until I was 49 years old, I never celebrated a single holiday, and now, I celebrate all of them to the fullest.

In my “Have You Evolved Today” blog, I’ll be writing for the next few days on the spiritual and religious meaning behind Easter, but this blog, this is all about life, mostly mine I suppose, but nonetheless, life with a little twist of religion and spirituality.

While in the religion in which I was raised, I struggled. I always had a love for God and I wanted to please him, however, the way I was taught, I feared God in a very unhealthy way. I know we’ve talked about this subject before, but I think it bears some repeating with this blog.

I struggled for as long as I can remember. Never feeling good enough. I still struggle with that, hence, relaxing is not easy for me. I feel I have to take on the world and get it all done, at the cost of me.

I was talking to my doctor yesterday and he said my anxiety has heightened since he saw me a couple weeks back. Funny, I didn’t feel any different with my visit, however, based upon his questions and apparently, my answers, he was concerned. Good news, I don’t have to wait much longer to get back into therapy. Two more weeks.

Mental health therapy. I’m not ashamed nor embarrassed to tell you, I embrace being able to go to see a therapist. Sometimes when my mind spirals, it’s a safe landing for me to be able to get the help in sorting out my thoughts. I’m blessed that John tries to help with that, but he’s so emotionally involved, he can’t always help me get clarity, instead, he supports me and encourages me to seek help. He gives me a safe place to come to him and talk about things.

In the religion in which I was raised, mental health therapy was taboo. Instead, we were encouraged to just pray or read more of the literature, however, with some of the trauma I had as a child, that didn’t help.

I’m a huge advocate for the work therapist do in helping their patients. Like in any profession, there are some pretty bad ones. I’ve experienced a couple myself, or should I say, they were not a fit for me. It certainly wouldn’t be fair for me to judge them on the whole, but with me, they certainly we not helpful, but there are still so many amazing therapist out there who make a difference.

My journey isn’t all that uncommon, in fact, listening to other people share their stories has really made me appreciate, I’m not alone. My faith has grown even stronger than ever before, despite the countless struggles I’ve faced and continue to face.

What I’ve come to realize is that I needed to struggle in order to find my strength. The only problem is, I didn’t have really anyone supporting me, that is, until I left the religion and sought help from a therapist.

I never could openly talk about my doubts, fears and anxiety with needing to be the perfect Christian, the perfect wife and mother and the perfect employee. My life was centered around what made everyone else happy. Even today, I feel a little push back and disappointment when I can’t step up for those I love. I’m ultra sensitive to not being good enough and if I don’t get something done, I shut down, instead of asking for help. John says I’m too hard on myself. Gosh that man sure is one of the most compassionate and loving people I know. I am blessed to have him in my life.

I had someone tell me once that her husband was so dependent on her. It drove her crazy. She said, “I created that dependency, so it’s me who made the monster he became.” I guess this is where the saying fits in, “we show people how we want to be treated by the behaviors we accept.” This person told me she didn’t have the courage to tell him she needed him as much as he needed her. She put up an armor and sadly, she passed and he soon followed. He didn’t know how to be without her. He was so lost and over the course of time, he failed to take the medication that kept him alive. His wife always laid the medicine out for him and when she was gone, he didn’t have the strength to continue.

This is an extreme example of someone who did everything for someone and of someone who was overly dependent, yet, I think it shows, at least in her case, she did everything for her husband whom she loved dearly, but over 40 years together, he didn’t have to do anything. Oh sure, he was quite capable, but when she died, he not only lost the one he loved, but he lost the person who most likely, put out his fires and who fought them for him.

This is true of being parents too. I know in my case, I did a lot for my kids, probably too much. Sometimes I look at them and wonder how they became so successful in their lives. They aren’t perfect and there’s things, like the rest of us, they need to work on, but they can stand on their own. They are independent, almost too independent, but I suppose I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I’m always happy when they still find a way to need me.

Mel Robbins said on her Instagram post, “When someone in your life is struggling, do not save them. You need to support them. There is a lesson and there is a strength this person needs to uncover.”

I do agree with Mel, however, I do feel there are times when we need to save someone. Sometimes in a persons life, they’ve gone to the darkest of depths and they just need us to step up and be there pulling them out. If that person chooses to slap us in the face and they aren’t ready for the help, I believe that’s when we need to let them know, we’ll be there to walk with them, shoulder to shoulder when they’re ready. We’ll help them find their courage to look deep within for their inner strength, when they decide they’re ready. We can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved and it’s so much more meaningful for everyone, if we stand by them and help them find their inner strength and power.

If we don’t learn to stand up and take on the many fires in our lives, how will we learn and grow?

We need to walk through our own fires and uncover the challenge. We need to reassure ourselves and those we love, we have the strength within us to get through it and we need to believe it’s okay to ask for help. We don’t want someone to walk through the fire for us, instead, we want them to walk shoulder to shoulder with us.

When we are walking through the fire with someone instead of for them, we are showing them we believe in their strength and their ability to find it. If we are always rescuing others, we are actually robbing them of the strength they need to discover within themselves. If someone is always rescuing us, we are being robbed of finding our hidden potential, which is our very own, inner strength.

We’re stronger then we think.

I believe if we have someone cheering us on, supporting us, we learn to believe in ourselves. When we have to face the fire, walk up to it and put it out. When we do this, hopefully, we learn the lessons of what that fire was meant to teach us.

If we look at the many fires in our lives as lessons, we are more open to learning from them, rather then running. It’s always a good day when we learn something new, even if what we are learning is accompanied by a struggle or two.

Into the fire we all will go. I pray, we put those flames out and we walk away even stronger then we were before.

As hot as the flames may be, I pray they aren’t constantly roaring through our lives. Instead, I hope the blazes teach us the lessons meant for us to grow into even better, more amazing, kind and loving people.

I believe in your inner strength, and I hope you believe in mine. Please don’t forget, if you are struggling in anyway, mentally or physically, seek immediate medical attention. You matter, because you were uniquely made.

Well guys, I hate to cut this short. I have a journaling class starting in 10 minutes and I need to get my things together to make it a good learning session for me.

I do hope you have the greatest of days. Until next time, Love Life++