Happy Tuesday,
How is everyone doing this fine Tuesday afternoon? How is your week going? Mine has been super busy thus far. Dental work yesterday, mouth still hurting today and wouldn’t you know it, John got a nail in his tire , so I will be taking his car over to the tire store to see if we can get it fixed. He’s hoping to make the tire last a little longer before having to bite the bullet and get new ones.
Tonight I get to go to dinner with a dear friend of mine to celebrate her birthday. Not sure where we’re heading yet, her choice, so I’m excited to see what’s for dinner. Tomorrow, I’ll be heading back to San Diego for some doctor appointments and of course, to celebrate Easter with John.
Life is crazy, but it’s worth the adventure. I’ve decided to start bringing my computer along with me wherever I go, because it seems I never know what my day will turn out looking like and as my writing instructor said, to be successful, you have to write a minimum of 15 minutes per day. Seems reasonable and easy? Nope, not always. Some days are just so over the top, I find myself not being able to write until I get home, and then, I’m brain dead, so today, when I head to the tire store, I’ll be bringing along my laptop so I can work on my manuscript that needs a little more tweaking. I never want to allow my passion for writing to escape me again, thus, I’m officially going to be that person who carries their laptop everywhere, within reason that is.
Recently, I received the most amazing compliment from a friend of mine. She said she feels like she’s reading a Harlequin Romance Novel when she reads my blog. I know not all my blogs are about love and romance. I try to let John have a little break when it comes to writing about our love story, however, I can only hope one day to become that good of a writer, the writer who takes her readers on the many wonderful journeys of love and romance. I will say, with compliments like the one from my friend, I’m inspired to keep writing, and who knows, maybe I’m on my way to becoming the next Nora Roberts or Nicholas Sparks. Oh, I can only dream, and sometimes, dreams do come true. Fingers crossed.
Yesterday I was sharing with you how I need to add a few details back into my manuscript, which I will be working on and this week and I do hope to have it finished by the end of next week, and once that’s done, I’d like to venture out into seeing what other types of books I can write. What words can I put together and make them come to life? I can’t wait to see.
My current book is an autobiography, my life story, with of course names being changed to protect the innocent and to keep me from being harassed by the guilty. Spent too much of my life on that evil train, however, I do promise you this about my book. It will make your toes cringe and it is nearly guaranteed to raise a few hairs on your head.
I do want to dabble in different areas of story telling and writing and John and I have some great ideas for a story line and I want to see if I can embrace writing a little romance on my own. I’ll be sure to let you all know when I get started on those and when the book I finished finally goes to print.
Now, onto the blog… I do hope you enjoy.
Finishing my book and doing the final read through or what I thought was the final read through, so many emotions and feelings came back to me. Reminders of fear I’ve faced most of my life.
You know, I thought I was way beyond my fears and over the PTSD I was diagnosed with back in 2018, but I have come to realize, I still have trauma triggers. Before I continue, let me say this. I am not a medical professional in any way. I am not qualified to give medical advice, so if you feel that something I write resonates and/or you are triggered, I beg of you, seek professional help immediately. Call your doctor or mental health professional now. My intent in writing isn’t to tell you how to deal with something, it’s simply to share my experiences, and hopefully, I can help someone to not feel like they have to do this life alone.
One thing I’m extremely grateful for is the time I spent in therapy. I learned that it’s okay to admit when I’m feeling off. Oh, it’s not always easy to do. I’m not good at expressing my deepest fears, nor am I good at asking for help, however, I strongly believe that asking for help is a sign of strength. It’s okay to ask for help. You matter in this world, and I matter too and even when we fall and hit the depths of darkness, we deserve to be helped and there are people out there that want to help.
I strongly believe we all have a path we were meant to be on, and it’s up to us to watch for the signs from the Universe of which step to take.
“Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this, you’re disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space and use your voice.”-DJ Love Light.
Use your voice and as hard as it may be, use it, especially in times when you feel dark. You are wonderfully made and this world wouldn’t be the same without you in it. Each of us is meant for greatness, but not all greatness is meant to be shared with the world. Sometimes greatness is in the little things we do and in the way we live our lives.
In life, we choose how to live ours. I have someone in my life who thinks his life from the day he was born was destined for failure. His entire life he’s believed the world is against him and if you don’t conform to his energy vampire sucking ways, he labels you against him like everyone else. He’s been diagnosed with treatment resistance disorder, meaning, his body doesn’t respond to the traditional and first line therapeutic options. When he was given secondary options, he declined, at least for now. Prayers he’ll find his way.
When this person was told this, he took on the label that he’s not meant to ever feel good mentally. This puts him at so much risk for going to a darkness most of us would have a hard time recovering from, or from recovering from at all. He’s in my every day prayers because he matters to me and he matters to his family. I hope he keeps holding on and that he’s able to get the help he desperately needs.
When it comes to this person, though they are an important part of my life, I do need to set boundaries and keep those boundaries in place, otherwise, I get sucked in and this causes a spiral affect of living in the negative, rather than living in the gratitude. I need to run my life and not allow my affection and love towards someone to rob me of my peace.
I recognize the trauma that not only this person has suffered in his life, but I see how his trauma triggers me. For the longest time I would give in to his demands and allow myself to get sucked into the world is against him, to keep the peace. I would agree with him, instead of asking questions. I think that caused more damage. You see, I compromised my belief system for his moment of living in his delusion that the entire world and everyone he meets is against him. Neither of us were in a better place.
I had to take control of me and limit conversations and believe me when I tell you, that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He still matters to me and he always will.
While there are times I miss talking with him, I am in a happier place in my life. I’m able to focus less on the negatives of the world and embrace the many blessings I continue to receive.
My blessing don’t mean I have an endless cashflow, or anything more than I did six months ago in a material way, instead, I have been able to develop appreciation for the simple things in life. I’ve been reminded just how calming it is to hop on the golf cart and cruise the lake. I’m working on my life and taking control of it and being okay with having to say the occasional no to someone, though that’s still not easy for me. I’m moving towards being a stronger, more confident me. I’m excited to take risks with my writing and if I fail, that’s okay, at least I’ll never have to look back and wonder what could have been if I had only written the book or the blog.
I’m learning to be in the drivers seat of my life. I’m embracing the unknowns and I’m excited to see what each day gives me. If I wake up and have a day of nothing but fails, falls and problems, I want to still be grateful for it all. I want to be able to grow and learn in hopes of making tomorrow a better day.
We were all given the blessing to navigate our lives, yet with that blessing, we weren’t given the exact manual, only guidelines and examples. It’s up to us how we see fit to make our lives the best life possible.
What will you do with your today, your tomorrow and your internal roadmap? Will you just spin, or will you adopt the guidelines that make the most sense for you and your growth and success? Will we work through the traumas of our past and learn to set boundaries. Will we use our voices and take control of ourselves, or will we allow others to make us uncomfortable, thus, disrespecting our boundaries?
Most all of us have been given the ability to run our own lives and take control of setting up boundaries for our own safety and for those of us who suffer from PTSD and trauma related responses, I pray, if it be God’s will he will open our hearts and minds and lead us to the help we need so we can be who we were meant to be.
The space we’ve been given in this life is a gift, I just hope we all learn to embrace that gift and find gratitude in each and every day. It is our life, we are in control of it, or at least we’re supposed to be. We’ve been given free will and we’ve been given a lifeline with our ability to speak to our creator anytime we want or need.
My dear readers, it’s your life, go live it to the best of your ability, set those boundaries as best you can and remember, we were given control over how we chose to live, at least this is our birth right, some evil does exist in our world, so some of us have had that right taken by that evil, but if we are blessed to have the capability of controlling our lives, let us live it to the best of our ability, setting healthy boundaries while treating each others kindly.
Until next time, don’t forget to Love Life++ Hugs
Love Life with Dawna 