Anxiously tired

Happy Tuesday,

How is everyone doing on this fine Tuesday afternoon? I do hope you are doing well. I’ve been super busy, and I must say, I am getting a little overwhelmed. It is a beautiful day however and I am grateful to have such an amazing support system and to have so many wonderful blessings in my life.

I wanted to thank you all so much for all the amazing feedback by way of messenger and text that I received a couple weeks back regarding my post on stop the spinning. It’s crazy how many of us struggle with our minds spinning and I’m so glad you are finding comfort here in reading my blog. I want to you to know, writing helps me. It’s a huge blessing knowing what I write is helping some of you as well. I am beyond humbled by the wonderful responses I’ve been getting.

I wanted to let you all know too, I’ve got my other blog up and running as well. Once I feel confident that I’m able to keep up writing on my other blog site, I’ll make sure to share the link here with you. I will warn you though, my other blog is dealing more with a spiritual tone. I write about being spiritual rather than religious and I try and break down the walls of fear associated with certain belief systems regarding God, the Universe and other deity’s people may worship or look too.

Today though, I wanted to chat about being anxiously tired and what that looks like in my mind.

For me being, what I refer to as anxiously tired, means that my mind is spinning in a sense, however, in my world, when I become overly tired, I become anxious. I am almost hyper. I suppose you could say I’m like a kiddo that’s overly tired. Little ones, especially baby’s fight sleep because they’ve gone beyond being able to calm their minds, thus, they can’t relax.

When we are overly tired, according to healthline.com, our body doesn’t function properly. Being overly tired can lead to many changes in our mental state, making it more difficult to fall asleep. Sleep deprivation changes our body chemistry.

When we become depressed, anxious and overloaded, we become tired, however, this level or type of tired causes and imbalance in our bodies not allowing us to sleep. I know for me, I sometimes sleep and while sleeping, I’m working out issues or I’m trying to organize the things in my mind. How is this possible? You guessed it, I’m not really sleeping, or should I say, my sleep is constantly being interrupted.

According to the Cleveland Clinic regarding sleep anxiety, they say, “just as anxiety can affect sleep, sleep can affect anxiety. Sleep anxiety is a common characteristic of insomnia, wherein, the individual begins to experience anxiety during the day and evening about poor sleep, which may cause another night of bad sleep.”

Anxiety is real and many of us suffer from it, whether we choose to acknowledge it, or maybe we don’t fully understand we are suffering from anxiety.

So what exactly is anxiety? According to sleepfoundation.org, “anxiety is a feeling of worry and unease. It is normal to experience anxiety occasionally in response to fearful or stressful situations, however, when this type of distress becomes excessive, anxiety becomes more of a disorder.”

Anxiety disorder is when our fears are not in proportion to the situation. It is also when we worry to the point that our everyday lives are affected. Fear and worrying, when they persist and occur on most days over a period of six months, well, that’s when we should really seek mental health help.

Let me say this, if at any time, you are feeling so overwhelmed, it’s okay to seek mental health help and please, I beg of you, if you are feeling like you want to hurt yourself or others, please call 988 NOW!!!! This is the not only a suicide lifeline but a crisis lifeline. I am not a health care professional, so please seek help if you are suffering.

When I become anxious, which much of the time stems from my trauma growing up and being in a cult for 45 years, is a lot of the time because I don’t feel good enough. I feel like I’m failing myself. I feel like I’m failing my kids and John. I do have OCD and when I try to relax, I find myself struggling with just sitting still.

Not long ago, I had mastered, for myself the ability to just sit in the quiet and meditate, however, with my mind being anxiously tired, I haven’t been able to do this for the last couple of months. I’m anxious and I’m overwhelmed because I look around my amazing home and think what a failure I am because I can’t catch up. My mind has become so boggled down with the feeling of being anxious, I don’t know where to start. Writing helps though and looking through my journals keeps me from falling too far off the edge.

Over the next few months, I have a lot to do and I know without a doubt, I can do it, but, I’m having a hard time quieting my mind and some days, I feel lost and alone.

Sleeping through the night rarely happens. I have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep, which, according to sleepstudy.org, “worsens anxiety, spurring a negative cycle involving insomnia and anxiety disorders.”

I was talking with my cousin this morning and her and her husband are full time RV-ers. They have a home base, yet they have the ability to travel. Her hubby can work remote. They live full time in their 300 SF RV. During our conversation, she told me how much she enjoys living simple, meaning, she has all the modern day conveniences, yet her home is on a smaller scale. She doesn’t miss cleaning the big house. She loves being able to clean in under an hour and when she needs to do a deep clean, she can tackle that in under 4 hours. She feels free and I’m sure she feels a lot less stress over dealing with the big home she used to have.

I told her John and I have thought about doing that. Her reply, “DO IT NOW, while your still young enough to enjoy it.” She did say though, a home base is vital to this type of lifestyle. To be honest, it’s sounding more and more appealing. I’d miss my lake fra-mily though. I’ve got the best girl tribe in the world. John and I have found our place, yet I know, any place we are together will be home.

Anxiety disorders are said to be the most common mental health problem in the US., then you throw the insufficient sleep which many people are talking about and how it’s affecting them, studies are showing, peoples overall health is being compromised.

I know the medical professionals say we need to avoid situations that could possibly trigger or heighten worry, which isn’t always easy for someone like me who finds herself on the what if bandwagon.

In my life, before leaving the cult, I suffered from anxiety on heightened levels. Feeling anxious was normal to me. I still suffer from anxiety, however, I think for the first time in my life, I recognize I’m anxious. I might not understand what’s triggering me, but I understand and realize what my body is telling me.

The last few weeks I’ve felt anxiously tired. I’m anxious over my medical issues and not being able to get appointments, in some cases until February of 2025. I’m anxious over letting my loved ones down if I can’t get my butt in gear and finish the many writings I have begun and get them submitted to publishing companies. I’m anxious that I won’t be able to pass my test to get my real-estate license. I’m anxious I won’t be able to contribute to the life expectations my loved ones have in mind.

I am a worrier and a what if-er. I cherish the thought that time is free, but also priceless. I become even more anxiously tired when during the time I’m given each day I don’t accomplish things the way I used to, hence, I’m here to tell you, I’m getting my mental health checked again, however, the next available won’t be until April 30th.

I think it’s safe to say, with mental health appointments booking out months in advance, I’m not the only one who is anxiously tired. I know some of you are suffering from anxiety or some other type of mental health issue. I hope you know, even if you aren’t able to get an appointment as soon as you would like, don’t give up, you are beyond worthy to have happiness and clarity in your mind and thought process. Please seek emergency help if you aren’t being seen as quickly as you feel you need. Too many lives are lost because of mental health. Don’t let your life be the next.

I know I have so much to live for. I have so much life to experience and an entire world to see. I have dreams I want to see come alive and I have people in my life that I love and I know love me. I don’t want to allow anxiety to consume me and steal my self- worth and happiness. I don’t want anxiety and being anxiously tired to rob you of the life you were meant to live.

Mel Robbins, one of my favorite motivational speaker posted this today and I think it’s a great way to end todays blog:

SAD has three letters, but so does JOY.

FALL has 4 letters, but so does RISE.

CURSE has 4 letters, but so does BLESS.

IGNORE has 6 letters, but so does LISTEN.

ENEMIES has 7 letters, but so does FRIENDS.

IMMATURE has 8 letters, but so does KNOWLEDGE.

NEGATIVITY has 10 letters, but so does POSITIVITY.

You have two realities to choose from. It’s up to you to decide which one you want to live.-@mr.alexwolfe.

This example isn’t always easy and sometimes, our mental health isn’t in a place where we can even begin to practice these choices, and in that case, again, seek professional help. If you and I are able to remember these choices, who knows, maybe tomorrow and the next day will be even better days than today. Just a thought.

Well guys, I’ve taken a lot of your time today. Thank you for sticking around to the end. Until next time, Love Life++