This is me

Happy Thursday,

How is everyone doing this fine Thursday afternoon? Well I hope. Things are going good here today. Started new my medication this morning and it’s making me super relaxed, but that’s okay, the doctor said that would happen and it’s good for me to have my heart slow down a bit seeing that it’s been working overtime for so long now.

We are just a day away from the weekend, one more workday for many of you wonderful friends and I do hope that whatever plans you do or don’t have, your weekend will be as amazing as you.

So many things have been unraveling lately. My entire world seems like it’s being steamrolled by a certain someone in my life. Thank goodness for my friends and family who have chosen to stand by me. Just the emotional support alone means more than I can express. I know brighter days are ahead and I know I’m learning patience. Johns always said that’s the one thing I need to learn, patience. I got this, my heart says, but my mind keeps playing tricks on me. Gotta get out of my head. This is me, a work in progress.

This is me, holding it together, one prayer at a time. I get up in the morning and practice gratitude. I am beyond grateful for the amazing opportunities I’ve been given. I’m grateful for John, my family and my friends. I have one friend who never lets me down. Oh my gosh, I, in fact called her today. I just needed to hear her words and get my dose of kick in the butt. She’s a reason of clarity and she helps me get out of my head and appreciate where I’m headed. She also reminds me to let go and let attorney, however, I let go, let God and give to attorney.

This is me, struggling, yet strong. I have a fire inside me that I don’t want to let be distinguished.

This is me, afraid, yet confident. I am giving to God what I cannot handle and praying for his strength and understanding and to have his will done.

This is me, uncertain, yet curious. I am not only optimistic about the future, but I’m also curious of where God will lead me. Lake life is a life I’ve come to love and cherish, but I miss John when we are a part, so we’ll see where I land. Whatever is God’s will is where I’ll be.

This is me, surrendering, yet holding on. I’m holding on to hope that the judicial system will work. I’m holding onto hope that I am a good writer and I have something to offer to this world. I just want to help others have faith.

“You are shifting; you will begin to realize that you are not the same person you used to be. The things you used to tolerate have become intolerable. When you once remained quiet, you are now speaking your truth. You are beginning to see the value of your voice and you know there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy, and focus.”-unknown.

I’ve been listening to a variety of books lately and in one of the books I just finished, the gal was telling her story of being shunned by her family and how she tried to avoid it for a long while, but shit hit the fan and it was no longer avoidable. Linda was the woman’s name and she said her only regret about finally being excommunicated from her religion was actually showing up and sitting before three men who would pass judgement on her. Her claim was that she would have been better off just sending them a letter.

I’m facing this very same issue in my life, being publicly shunned, or excommunicated from a religion I no longer believe in. Why does this seem to carry some weight with me, why do I struggle with it? I mean, I don’t believe in it anymore and there is so much hypocrisy in it, but I’m afraid of hearing it out loud I suppose. The announcement that leaves so many people standing in judgment of me. I shouldn’t care, but when you are raised to be defined by a religious title, it’s not so easy knowing your name will be read out loud as being someone who opposes God. You see, the religion in which I refer to believes they are the one and only true religion and simply because I don’t believe their way anymore, I’m considered someone who needs to be excommunicated.

On the other hand, maybe having that announcement done against me, not of my free will mind you, maybe it will finally be the missing piece to my freedom to live life without something hanging over my head.

This is me, confused.

At the end of the day, it’s out of my hands. I must give this dilemma to God. Let go and let God.

This is me, holding onto those that love me and support me and this is me saying, I’m not sure where my journey will lead me, but wherever it is, I know I will figure it out, because I am praying and begging God to lead me. I am reaching for his hand.

This is me, being open and honest about who I am today. I don’t simply exist, I am shifting and not tolerating what I used to. I am walking away slowly, one step at a time from situations that no longer deserve my time, energy and focus.

This is me, sitting in silence, writing my blog and talking to you openly, realizing, though many of you I’ve never met, I still feel like I’m talking to a dear friend. I hope you feel the same.

Be kind to one another and always remember, you are never alone.

Until next time, Love Life++