Slowly Fading Away

Happy Saturday,

How is everyone doing this fine Saturday evening? I sure hope you are enjoying the rain, and maybe, you’re creating a memory or two with those you love.

I love the rain; it calms me somehow. Today, I had a nice fire burning and I worked on a couple art projects, watched a couple tearjerker movies and stayed off my feet. I think I overdid it yesterday, so my back is reminding me of doctors’ orders. Darn kidney infection, hope this medicine is working.

I missed my nephews wedding today, but I got the best gift in the world. My son Tommy and his beautiful wife Kaitlyn were at the wedding and Tommy Facetimed me and I got to talk to my nephew and congratulate him. I was so worried he’d be upset with me missing his special day, but he was so sweet and kind. He told me, Auntie Dawn, just get better, and I love you. That made my day. He looked so happy and handsome too. I wish him and his new bride a forever happy together.

I will admit, I was nervous too about going to his wedding. You see, some of his family that is there, they are a part of the religion in which I walked away from and never looked back. Leaving that religion, you don’t usually get away without them making sure you never get to talk to your family again. Friends, well, they make sure you lose them too, but I really don’t have any friends left from my former life, they shunned me the day I stopped attending their church. Guess you find out who your real friends are. The ones that have stuck by me, well, they’re the ones that aren’t affiliated with that particular religion and I’m grateful to them.

I had many emotions hit me today. Taking a step backwards with my pain and missing my kiddos and my nephews wedding, well, it’s been a sort of sad day. I’m okay though. What doesn’t break us only makes us stronger.

I wanted to share a beautiful quote I’ve been saving for awhile. “To The Woman Who Is Slowly Fading Away… To the woman who has lost her spark. To the woman whose get up and go, has well, truly gone. This is for you. This is to remind you whose daughter you are. This is to remind you, that you don’t have to be everything to everyone, every day. You didn’t sign up for that. Remember when you used to laugh? Sing? Throw caution to the wind? Remember when you used to forgive yourself more quickly for not always being perfect. You can get that back again. You really can. And that doesn’t have to mean letting people down or walking away. It just means, being kinder to you, feeling brave enough to say no sometimes. Being brave enough to stop sometimes. And rest. It starts the moment you realize that you’re not quite who you used to be. Some of that is good, some of that is not. There are parts of you that need to be brought back. And if anyone in your life is not okay with that…they are not your people. Your people will be glad to see that spark starting to light up again. So, if you have been slowly fading away my friend, this is the time to start saying yes to things that bring you joy and no to things that don’t. It’s really pretty simple.: -Donna Ashworth.

Why this quote? Well, I think it’s a good one, especially for those still raising daughters, or for you young ladies, trying to find your path. The journey getting to your final destination is incredible, if you learn the lessons, embrace the stumbles and forgive yourself along the way. Don’t forget to laugh a little, dance in the rain, tell your special someone you love them and don’t settle for anything less that someone who thinks you hold the moon. I didn’t do those things, so my journey was hard, but I wouldn’t change a thing. You see, the hard knocks I had, they taught me compassion, forgiveness and strength. I’ve learned that there are no guarantees in this world, but there is always tomorrow. I also learned, I can write and hopefully when I share some of my fumbles in life, they help you, so you don’t have to feel as much hurt and pain.

A friend recently told me that her dream is to be loved. She lost her husband many years ago and she’s been alone for a long time, and for the first time in many years, I see the spark coming back in her eyes. She’s glowing, because she finally sees, it’s okay to mourn her husband, but she’s still a woman, a beautiful woman at that, and she wants to remember and get back those feelings of being held by someone that loves her. Isn’t that what we all want, deep down, to be loved and cherished.

I used to dream of being someone’s everything, even when I was married. I was down on his list, but I was first on my boys list. I was their world, and it was hard letting them go and giving them to the women who stole their hearts, but they do come back from time to time and check in. Like tonight, Tommy wanting me to have a small part in my nephew’s wedding.

“This is to the woman who is slowing fading away…. to the woman who lost her spark… this is to remind you, that you don’t have to be everything to everyone every day. It’s okay to say no.” I want you to remember whose daughter you are. That was the one thing I never forgot. While my mother raised me, she made sure I knew, I was my father’s daughter, and guess what, that’s okay. I lived up to being my father’s daughter. I lived my life to make him proud of me. I knew I would one day find him, and when I did, he was proud of me. He accepted me and he loved me.

“This is to remind you that you don’t’ have to be everything to everyone every day.” It’s often said that a relationship can become a struggle once our kiddos are gone, that is, if we allow neglect with the one person who we want to be our forever. I told a friend the other day, I created someone that I couldn’t look at anymore in my marriage. I gave him my all, but he couldn’t give back, not even a bread crumb. “It’s okay to say no.” I failed in that, but looking back, I have learned.

My friend Leslie says she sees a better me, a stronger me and she always compliments my progress in life. I’m still a work in progress though, and that’s okay, my journey is finally one that I can honestly say is incredible.

I’m learning to be kinder to myself. I’m learning to be brave and I’m learning to face this world one day at a time.

I hold out hope that my friend who lost her husband, will allow that spark that is slowly coming back to sparkle and light up her entire world, she deserves it. I’m happy to see her finally glow again. When we lose someone, they take a little piece of us with them. Maybe that’s the way the Universe planned it to be. We heal and move on in our own time.

So, cheers to my friend who is finding herself, again. I hope your journey brings you so much happiness and love. I hope you fill your days with the things that make you happy. You deserve it.

To all you ladies whose spark is fading away or is gone, I hope you remember whose daughter you are, and I hope your journey moving forward is the best yet.

Ladies, cheers to you.

Gentlemen, if you made it this far, maybe it’s time to let that woman who’s in next room know just how much she means to you. Time is short and our kiddos grow and move on, but that woman that you chose and who chose you, though she may look different with those gray hairs, or with skin that inherited a wrinkle or two, deep down, she’s still the young woman who said, I do. She needs to be held, she needs to be kissed, she needs to know she’s your everything, don’t let her go. Don’t let her slip away. She’s worthy of your time and attention. She needs you. Don’t you dare leave this world without telling her how much you love her. If her spark is gone, help her get it back. She deserves it.

Slowly fading away. We will all, slowly fade away as we leave this life, but let’s be careful not to fade away in losing ourselves. We’re worth more than that. Aren’t we?

Well, my dear readers, I do hope this blog finds you well and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++