STOP

Happy Saturday,

How are you all doing today? What a beautiful morning it is. Took the pups for a couple small walks and it’s just getting prettier and prettier each time I go out. Today is going to be a slower day for me. I do have to be out and about in the lake, but it’s not going to be a non-stop kind of day. What are your plans for today and the weekend? Shoot me a text or drop me a comment, I love hearing from you all.

I had someone recently reach out to me about how she feels her hubby is a controlling man and she has sought help from her elders within her religion, to no avail. How sad that is. Aren’t our religious leaders, especially those within the JW religion supposed to be our place of refuge? At least that’s what I was taught growing up.

I know for me when I reached out to the elders begging for help with my marriage, I was told to just leave and not come back. They said my ex would never change and since I didn’t have scriptural grounds to divorce, I should just leave all together. Leave him and my religion. I will admit, I was stumbled for a bit, but looking back, that was the best advice I ever got from my ex-religion. My elders in my congregation gave me the best gift ever, the permission I needed at the time to leave.

Now that I’m out and thinking for myself, I can’t imagine what it would have looked like if I had stayed in the religion and if their advice would have been different. What if they would have told me I had to stay with my ex and what if they would have given me the advice that so many in the ex-jw community get, and that is, to pray more, go out in the ministry or study more of the propaganda? I thank God every day that for whatever reason, the elders told me to leave and start my life over again. I am grateful that they saw what my relationship was with my ex and saw that there was no indication he’d ever change. Thus far, six years down the road, he hasn’t.

I’ve learned since leaving the religion and my ex that it’s up to me to be responsible for my life and for my own happiness. Sure, others can contribute, but it’s not on them to make me happy and it’s not wise to give someone that much control over your life.

“Are you letting things upset you that don’t have to upset you? Are you giving away your power, letting what people do, determine whether or not you’re going to be happy? You need to take back control of your happiness. Quite putting it in someone else’s hands. If you’re counting on everyone to treat you nice and be kind and say good things in order to be happy, you’re giving them your power. You control your happiness. You have to make up your mind, no matter what people do, no matter what they say, how they treat you, they’re not going to steal your joy. They may not want to be happy, but they shouldn’t keep you from being happy. They may be rude, angry, disrespectful, but you can’t let their issues sour your day. Let it bounce off of you and enjoy your day in spite of what they do.”-unknown.

It’s such a freeing time in one’s life when you wake up from a high controlling religion and high controlling influences in your life and realize, that your inner peace and happiness are on you. When I was floundering around after my separation and divorce, I realized I was relying on others to tell me what I needed to do and how I should feel. I needed validation from everyone around me and like a missile between my eyes, it hit me, I wasn’t happy because I didn’t know who I was. I was what others defined me to be. It was in that a-ha moment that my life began taking huge changes for the better. I can be happy just sitting in the quiet, something I’ve never been able to do before. For as long as I can remember, I needed music on or the tv for background noise, but not anymore. Sure, I still play music and have the tv on at times, but I am so okay just having quiet around me. It’s a huge step in the right direction for me. I can actually handle, most of the time, my own thoughts. I’m happy.

I still struggle from time to time when someone does something I don’t understand and I fall short and allow their actions to define my mood, but I recognize that flaw within me and I’m able to come out of that negative space so much sooner. I’m living life. “There’s been so much time I’ve wasted being small and staying quiet. Realizing and learning that I have a voice, I have something to offer that is of value, and that my existence matters.: -Meri Brown.

Anyone that knows me knows I love country music. The lyrics speak to me, and I can close my eyes and see me in the lyrics to certain songs. One song that I used to listen to when I was married and so unhappy, to the point of not wanting to exist anymore, was, “A broken Wing,” sung by Martina McBride. “She loved him like he was the last man on earth and gave him everything she ever had. He’d break her spirit down, then come lovin’ up on her, give a little and take it back.” One of the most damaging things to my worth was spending 30+ years telling a man how much I loved him, to only be told “thank-you.” When I would tell him about my dreams for the future, he’d shut me down every time, he wouldn’t even listen, then one day, I stopped sharing anything with him. I wouldn’t tell him anything, and my music only got louder. I would play songs such as A Broken Wing over and over again. I’d play other songs that spoke what I felt, and he would come in my room and turn off my music and walk away.

What I didn’t realize then was, I was giving him power over me. We were never a team, we were roommates with benefits, at least that’s how I felt. Now, being with John, we dream together, we talk about our future, and we share our most intimate and vulnerable thoughts with one another and while it used to be scary, now, it’s liberating.

“She’d tell him ‘Bout her dreams, he’d just shoot em’ down, Lord, he loved to make her cry. ‘You’re crazy for believin’, you’ll never leave the ground’, he said, ‘only angels know how to fly.’ These lyrics touch me to the core of my being. Since I was a child, I was told I was crazy for believing in my dreams. I was told I was crazy for certain thoughts I’d have, then along came John who said, “keep dreaming, keep believing, you got this and I’m right here by your side to help you reach your dreams.” Guys, it’s because someone had faith in me that I finished my first book. It’s because of this same person that I have two blogs and I have a job writing for a local newspaper. It’s because of this person, my person, John, that I am free to write, and he supports me taking time to be able to complete my writings.

“She still sings, she keeps an eye on the sky, with a broken wing she carries her dreams. Man, you ought to see her fly. One Sunday morning, she didn’t go to church, he wondered why she didn’t leave. He went up to the bedroom, found a note by the window, with the curtains blowin’ in the breeze, and with a broken wing, she still sings, she keeps an eye on the sky, with a broken wing, she carries her dreams, man, you ought to see her fly.” My wing may not be fully healed from the trauma of my previous life, but man, I have my eye on the sky and I am flying, souring in the sky. I am following my dreams. I am so amazed that I found a man that looked deep into my soul and saw I had dreams, and he held my hand and helped me bring those dreams about.

“The past year or so, I’ve had some realizations, acknowledged some truths, and embraced what I truly have to offer, and it’s been good! So good! I am excited, scared, empowered, nervous, and also so freaking excited about life and things coming my way!”-Meri Brown. I couldn’t have said it better, thank you Meri Brown for putting my thoughts into your words. There’s a lot of feeling in these words. They make me feel an entire mix of emotions and that’s a good thing. I’m finally feeling again. I’m not so numb anymore. It’s good to embrace our feelings. They are what make us human.

“I’m imperfect and vulnerable, but I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”-Brene’ Brown. We are all worthy of love and belonging. Nobody should ever feel they don’t belong, especially within a relationship. It surely is a lonely place to be when you are with someone and feel so lonely. I am worth more than that and so are you. My dear reader who reached out and who is suffering, find your worth. I pray your hubby can see your worth, because you are uniquely made and worthy to be loved. You are an amazing person, but you have to Stop and realize that about yourself.

“Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Fall in love with the path of deep healing. Fall in love with the best version of yourself, but with patience, with compassion and respect for your own journey.”-Sylvester McNutt. And I think, this sums it all up. Stop and find your amazing self, no matter how far buried she is, find her, and with that broken wing, fly.

Well, my dear readers, I do hope your day is as amazing as you. Go make a memory or two and don’t forget, Love Life++