Believe Them

Happy Wednesday,

How is everyone doing today? I do hope your week is off to a good start and you are able to get done the things you need to be getting done. I have a busy next couple of days with one fun activity planned, dance lessons. I really need to learn to move my body with a little bit of, well, less stiffness. Hoping I can do this. I have to be the most horrible dancer ever. I love, love, love music, however, I can’t feel the music to keep a rhythm or beat. Fingers crossed, I’ll learn to move a bit without any falling or balance issues.

I have so many ideas for upcoming blogs. I’m super excited to write and get them out for everyone to read. I’m also super excited to launch my podcast. I think I’ve decided podcast for now. I’m not so sure I’m comfortable having my face seen just yet. I’m still navigating a few things and I really need to use a little discretion for a little while longer.

Today, I wanted to chat about being empathetic. First, what is it to be empathetic? According to one dictionary, it is “showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” With that being said, I will share with you this. I had a conversation with my brother yesterday and through our chat, or his need to have someone to talk to, I felt the need to express to him this. “I understand some of the things you are telling me. I can relate to you about certain things, and I do feel pain for what you are going through, however, I can’t fully understand these certain points you are talking about, then I told him the ones I couldn’t understand.” He replied to me, “sometimes, I just need someone to listen, that’s it.” We were able to find a common, agreeable ground in which, he knows it hurts my heart to know he’s going through certain things, and he understands I sometimes can’t say a word, I can only listen, and that’s okay, because, sometimes, that’s all he needs.

I can truly empathize with what he is going through, because when I really listen to him, I can feel his pain and see it through his eyes, even if, I feel it could be fixed or changed, as long as I validate his perspective on a matter. It’s his journey, not mine, even though he shares with me certain things, it’s still his journey and his journey alone, I can only be there to listen and be a sounding board for him.

“In order to empathize with someone’s experience, you must be willing to believe them as they see it, and not how you imagine their experience to be.”-Brene’ Brown. I have read this over and over again, and for me, it makes me think back to my long marriage and how it broke. The things I felt were invalidated by my ex. His staple comment to me was and continues to be, “I didn’t mean it that way, you took it wrong, and it’s all in your head.” A mutual friend of ours said to him shortly after we split up, “it doesn’t matter what you meant or what you think she needs to feel about the situation, it isn’t your perspective that is matters, it’s how she perceives it and you need to be willing to see her hurt, her fear and her insecurities. See it from her side, or perspective and you will see how you can not only work on the way you are presenting certain things, but the way she receives it.”

One of the most amazing gifts God gave us is, uniqueness. We are each our own individual. We have been given the gift to think, and feel and see this world through our own, unique eyes. Sure, we have similarities, and things we like and dislike the same as others, but we are still different. Our personalities are like our thumb print, unique on some personal and individual level, and that’s okay, that’s a gift unlike any other.

We need to believe what someone tells us. Even if we see things different, it’s okay, because we are all entitled to see things from a perspective that’s our own, and when we allow others to have their perspective on how things are, we learn to give our own gifts to others, empathy. When we show empathy, we are less critical. We put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and unless we are walking in those shoes, we will never truly be able to understand what they are going through, but we can empathize with their situation, and like listening, sometimes that’s all someone needs.

I know when I was going through my divorce and struggles to find me in the course of leaving a cult, leaving a long-term marriage and learning to think for myself, I just needed to be heard, mostly by my ex. When I would try and tell him how I felt and why I needed to leave, not only him, but the religion, it was all about blaming me, telling me I was crazy, and the continued need to make me feel worthless. An example is his repeated comment, “I didn’t leave the marriage, you did, so you aren’t entitled to have of anything.” I am finally finding my backbone, and enough self-worth to respond with, “I want what is fair, that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.”

I try to see things from my ex’s viewpoint, and I wish he would see things from mine. I try to believe him and the way he feels and has felt, and I hope one day, he’ll see things from the way I felt. I am thankful to my brother for trusting me enough to have those hard conversations with me, and for choosing me to share his problems with, because if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned to listen and through this listening, I’m learning to tap into truly feeling empathic towards not only him, but towards others. I’ll always be grateful for the lesson he’s taught me.

Well guys, this is what was on my mind today and this is how I see it and feel. I would love to know what you are thinking, what you’re feel and how you see things. Thoughts? Drop me a comment or shoot me a text, I’d love to hear from you. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++