Calling her home

Happy Thursday,

How are you all doing this fine Thursday afternoon? I do hope you are all well. Everything is good here. I’m back on track for finishing my certification in nutrition and I’m looking forward to getting that certificate so I can feel that sense of accomplishment. I really need that right now. Seems I have so many projects on the burner. I work on them, but I’m having a problem just finishing one. So, goal is in place, wish me luck, I’m going to need it for sure. I’d love to hear what you’ve all been up to. Shoot me a text or drop me a comment and let me know what you’ve all been up to lately; I just love hearing from you.

The last couple of days I’ve been having some pretty amazing conversations with my cousin Heather. She is awesome. I’ve only met her once, and she is quite a bit younger than me, but we have this amazing connection and I love our talks. She asked me the other day if I had energetically blocked my inner child. Hmmm, had to think about that one, and then through our conversation, I realized, I never really had much of a childhood. I don’t remember really being a kid, and that’s okay, I can’t undo what my life has been to this point, I can only move forward to make my life the best one possible. I can live my life in a way that was intended for me. It’s funny, when I was talking with Heather, I realized that I had been saving this little poem from a few weeks back. No coincidences, just signs, perhaps we are on the right path and maybe the connection I have with her isn’t so out there after all.

“I started calling that girl back. The girl who loved living, the girl who danced instead of walking. The girl who had sunflowers for eyes and fireworks in her soul. I started playing music again, hoping she would come out. I started looking for beautiful moments to experience, so she would feel safe enough to show herself, because I knew she was in there, and she needed my kindness and my effort to come to the surface again.”-SC Laurie.

While talking with Heather I was telling her I don’t know how to dance. I have absolutely no rhythm and I turn into this stiffy. I told her too that I listen sometimes to Dance with my Father Again, over and over again. You see, my daddy loved Elvis and this song makes me remember brief moments with my dad when I was super little. I remember him lifting me up and twirling me around and around. I never got to dance with my dad as an adult, never got to dance with him when I got married, and I long for that. I want those father/daughter moments, yet they won’t happen in this lifetime, and that’s okay too.

Heather mentioned that maybe I haven’t let go of dad. I’m holding on to something, and she’s right, I’m haven’t been ready to let go. The same day I was talking with Heather about how I felt about my dad, I got this overwhelming need to write him a letter and place it in the sea. I thought I needed to take a road trip up the coast, however, that’s not it. John and I will be on a cruise next week for a couple of days and that’s where I need to put my letter in the ocean. I need to let him go. Oh, I’ll always hold on to his memory, but it’s time to release the pull of energy I have with him. It’s okay for me to say goodbye and let him go, because I know I’ll see him again someday. I also know, he’ll somehow be watching over me.

When I came to this realization, I’ve had a total shift in my thinking. My mind is so exhausted, but in a good way. John and I have had many conversations these last couple of days and we both feel this disconnect from each other. There’s no problem or issue, it’s just somethings missing. He said last night that I don’t feel his love as strong when he’s sick and he said he feels my emotions are running together. If I’m in pain, or not feeling well, frustrated, upset, mad, whatever it is, he feels he’s getting the same reaction from me. So, I thought about it today and I told him, I feel this pull towards being spiritual and right now, he’s so loaded down with work, I feel he’s on the work path, which is fine, there’s nothing wrong with work and I’m so proud of him for working so hard, but I’m on the spiritual path.

So, what does this all mean for me, for him and for us? I don’t know the future, but I know that we support each other and our visions and passions for this life, so I’m going to move forward with my upcoming live video’s on overcoming the lies that were told to me about God. I was blessed last week to see a monk ceremony and I was so drawn to their traditions. many I didn’t understand, but Jeannie says I can go to the temple and learn from the monks, so that’s what I plan to do. You see, I feel there’s this path of spirituality that I must follow. I want to be able to help people. I was thinking this morning about how I used to preach when I was in the cult that I was raised in. I hated preaching, but I did like talking to people, one on one. I loved it when I would knock on a door and someone was having a bad day and we would have a conversation, about them and their mood would change. I felt a sense of closeness to God when this would happen. Looking back, most of the time, I deviated from the message the church told me to preach. I was so much more interested in the people I was talking too. That was my happy place. I should have gone into psychology, but I’m a little too old for that.

I was able to call that little girl back today. I allowed her to feel safe in her feelings and that allowed me to see a glimpse of my life as a child, being forced to preach, accepting it and now, wanting to use those skills I learned back then for something good moving forward.

Some of you might be thinking, ugh oh, but please don’t shy away from me, I promise not to be all preachy and forcing ideas upon my friends, or anyone, that’s not what I want to do. I want to pursue my dream and do it in a way that becomes my career, life path, or whatever it is.

I appreciate Heather helping through this process. I know I’ve talked about my path in previous blogs, and it seems like it’s becoming even more clear of what I have to do. I’m so excited to jump in. I told John I wanted to start my video blog or YouTube, podcast or whatever it is I’m going to be doing like, now, but I won’t. I’ll be officially launching July 15th. Stay tuned. I’ll share that link with you once I figure it out, but absolutely no pressure in watching it. I respect and admire those that already know where they are headed. I appreciate everyone has their belief system and that is a beautiful thing. I am open to new ideas and suggestions for my videos. I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.

Well guys, time for some homework on my part. I also have tons of amazing things Heather sent me to check out, so the rest of my day and late into the night will be spent reading and navigating some exciting new adventures. Can’t wait to dive in.

I do hope everyone is well. Thoughts and prayers go out to those who are struggling right now and who may be ill. Many hugs and well wishes for you all. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++