Happy Tuesday,
How is everyone doing today? Looks like it’s going to be one amazing day. The sun is hiding, and the breeze is blowing ever so lightly. It’s supposed to be on 75 degrees today, but holy heck, tomorrow and Thursday, we are up too 90 degrees. Gotta love Southern California. You just never know what the weather will be. It’s been rather busy these past few weeks. John having the blood clot and being in the hospital, and now, doctor visits to make sure he is okay. It was a scary couple of weeks, and I think it’s finally hit me just how sick he was and how I could have lost him. I’m just glad he’s doing better now.
Yesterday I talked with my brother, and he was telling me how hard things are right now for him. I didn’t even know what to say. I’ve been working so hard to live in the present and not to challenge why certain things happen, but instead, I’ve been working on doing my best to learn the lessons that are within the challenges and how I can become a better person from them. When someone tells you the things happening, things that shouldn’t happen, with no explanation for why things happened, it’s hard to not ask why. I haven’t done that yet, asked why this challenge is happening to my brother, but I wish I could have said something to make him feel better about his current challenges. I’m on the outside looking in and usually when that’s the case, things seem a little clearer and you can offer a little positive energy to the person, but not this time. There are no words for what his situation is, and it saddens me that I had nothing to say.
Durning my talk with my brother, he said something that made me think. He said when your busy living life, and you’re happy, time seems to be against you, but when you are in the depths of hurt and pain, time seems to go by more slowly and you just slip into existence, wanting to not wake up tomorrow, but the Universe seems to be playing with you and every morning when you open your eyes, you are reminded of the doom you are facing. His world has crashed and he’s trying to figure out why and what meaning does he bring to this life. That’s a dark place and the only thing I could say to him was, I love you.
With that conversation, I think it put me in a place of, bewilderment. It certainly has been weighing on me heavily. I haven’t allowed it to consume me though. I’m keeping it at a safe distance, but I am worried about my brother.
I’m so grateful for the Universe at times like this. Seems whenever I start dwelling, or get close to being consumed, something pops up or a sign appears, and it directs my thinking to find a positive in things. While I still can’t find a positive in my brother’s situation, I have been able to reflect on my life. Still tons of unfinished business at hand, and frustration certainly sets in, however, the wonderful quote that found me today goes like this. “Sit With It. Instead of drinking it away, smoking it away, sleeping it away, eating it away, or running from it. Just sit with it. Healing happens by feeling.”-Power of Wordz. I learned this very concept while in therapy. I learned that if you sit in it long enough, and you really deal with the situation, then, you are more easily able to let go and let God.
“Slip sliding away, you know the nearer your destination, the more you slip sliding away.” Seems to be a very true lyric. I think there’s a lesson here though. I think sometimes when we are near the end of a certain journey, we may ease up on our pursuit. It’s like, I’ve got this, and the work lessons, but I think the lesson to learn would be, just because it’s at arm’s length, doesn’t mean we ease up, we need to maybe work a little harder to ensure we reach our destination. Maybe the curve ball that’s been thrown at my brother is life telling him, you’re close, don’t give up, stay the course, you’ll get there, at least I can hope that for him.
When John was in the hospital and so sick, I was in overdrive. Things needed to be done, so done I did. Now that he’s getting better, my feelings are in a bit of overdrive. “My love for you is so overpowering, I’m afraid that I will disappear.” Sometimes I get lost in the love I have for John, so much that I pull back out of fear. I suppose I tend to sometimes think that if I feel something slipping away and I don’t know how to fix it, I pull back, I don’t give up, I just wall up. I put up that one wall, the one that nobody can take down, out of desperation of not getting hurt too badly.
“I know a woman, who became a wife. These are the very words she uses to describe her life. She said, a good day ain’t no rain. She said a bad day is when I lay in bed and think of things that might have been.” Sometimes, it rains on our lives, but if we can look forward to the rainbow at the end of the rain, we might be able to enjoy the things the rain brings our way. We can’t just lay in bed and dwell on what might have been, instead, we need to face the day, each day with the knowledge things will not always be perfect. We will face all kinds of setbacks, hiccups, and difficulties and with those, hopefully we can enjoy and embrace the gifts life give us too. Actually, when you think about it, if everything was perfect, how dull that might be. Challenges make us grow as people, and in understanding. Lessons teach us, if we allow them too.
“Whoa, God only knows, God makes his plan. The information’s unavailable to mortal man. We’re workin’ our jobs, collect our pay, believe we’re gliding down the highway, when in fact, we’re slip sliding away.” Lesson here? Life is to live, to learn and to grow. It’s hard at times, and its heartbreaking when you know someone who is desperately struggling for an answer to their spiraling rabbit hole.
We don’t want to lose sight of all the good in life, while working our jobs. We can’t become so complacent, we simply glide. We need to take the opportunities as they come and enjoy the simple things along the way. I suppose my lesson in not having anything positive to say to my brother is, though I wish I could do something to help him, it’s not my lesson to learn. My lesson is to just be present for him. Reassure him he is loved and needed in this life. He matters. My lesson too is, just listen. I don’t need to give him more than my listening ear.
I know sometimes when I can’t figure things out, John just lets me talk. He says that he knows it will eventually come out, the solution, if only I keep talking. I’ve learned from John that I don’t need him to fix everything, after all, if he did fix everything, what lessons would I learn?
Slip sliding away, just when you think you’re at your destination, you slip slide away. Maybe that destination isn’t where we’re supposed to be, at least not now. A good day is a lesson learned. I have a friend who lives by the mindset of learning something new every day. We used to talk for hours, and he would always thank me at the end of our conversations, he would thank me for teaching him something new, even if it was simply, learning to look at something from another perspective.
While life is slipping away, for some quicker than for others, I still stand by my thought of, make everyday count. Find the good in life. Appreciate the little things. Be grateful, because we never know when our last breath is to be taken. Just my opinion.
I know for years, most of my life in fact, I lived for a future promise of a better life. I grew up working towards this better life and missed out on the life I was living. For the first time in my life, I wake up and look out my bedroom window thinking how grateful I am to live in such a beautiful place. I’ve learned to appreciate simply having a roof over my head. I love being able to share my home and my life with those I love. I don’t want life to slip slide away anymore. I want to live with passion for life and I want to learn my lessons and do what God intends for me to do with them.
So that’s my blog for today. A little of this, a little of that, and I do hope you can take something away from it that brings you a little happiness, or makes you smile. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 