Recharging

Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing this fine Monday? Hope your weekend was the best yet and maybe you were able to make a memory or two? My weekend was a good one. John was finally home after nearly a week in the hospital. I was able to relax a little knowing he was going to be okay, and I actually got out on the boat with Tommy, Katie and my niece Carly and our friend Tara. We just cruised the lake and had a couple of drinks and simply enjoyed the peace of the water and the wind blowing through our hair as we cruised around. Sunday, while my son took the boat out again, I stayed home with John and Grant and John’s parents came for a really nice visit.

Things have been a bit crazy lately and at times, stressful. I know when I’m feeling stressed, I can always vent to my dear friend Susan and she always so sweetly reminds me, “take care of you too.” Susan knows me so well and knows that I tend to overdo it to the point of nearly breaking myself. She’s right, I do do that. I’m always thankful for her kind reminders and I’m thankful that I heeded her suggestion last week and left my dishes in the sink and went over to my neighbors for a girl’s dinner. My friend hosted a few of us ladies for enchiladas and salad and some yummy drinks. It was a great refresher for my already overly spent brain. I was glad I went, it helped refresh me in so many ways.

Speaking of all the hoopla going on right now, especially with John being so sick and needing surgery last week, I came realize how important it is to really take care of ourselves while tending to those we love, because if we don’t, we might find ourselves in a not so good place. My friend Kathy, the one who was a huge instrument in saving John’s life, told me to make sure I take care of myself too, because I can’t take care of John if I’m sick, and boy was her advice so true.

I saw this quote that spoke to me. “Dear friend, your inner strength might be tested, you’ll win. Your self-confidence might be challenged. You’ll overcome. You might feel beaten, broken, or like you’ve been repeatedly hit with a club (or any other blunt object). But you know what? You will rise up, take control and be even better for it. So, go ahead and cry. Get it out. Then wipe those tears and stand tall. You’ve got this.”-Astro vibe.

We all face difficulties and some of us are able handle some situations better than others. Life as I’ve come to know it is about growing and when we grow, we sometimes have pain that comes along with it, growing pains. Believe it or not, there was a time in my life when I thought life was about being perfect, everything had its place and if there was a problem then something was wrong. If I had a problem or if I questioned anything or if I formed any kind of thought that wasn’t in line with the way I was taught, I thought I was failing God, that I was losing my faith. I failed to realize that sometimes problems were life’s way of showing me I was on the wrong path, instead I thought I was doing life wrong. I never took into consideration that when certain things were happening it was life’s way of telling me it’s time to grow. I took the challenges and pain as failure. I know you’ve heard me say many times over, I felt like I was climbing this mountain for my entire life. I never seemed to make it to the top, instead, I fell, and I fell hard. I gave myself the impossible task of needing to be perfect and make everyone’s life, especially those I love, perfect too. I carried my loved one’s happiness on my shoulders, I carried their happiness as my responsibility, instead of giving them the freedom to live their own lives and simply being there to help direct them. Thank goodness, my boys found their way in life and like I told John one afternoon while we were on the boat with the boys, “they sure love life. The boys have a zest for living and my heart couldn’t be fuller and prouder. I’m so proud of the men they are.”

“We can’t become what we need to be by remaining what we are.”-Oprah Winfrey. I wish I would have taken time to research life by reading other things outside of the cult I was in. I was always told to only use the Bible and the cult’s publications, otherwise, if I went outside of the religion, I could very easily become distracted and fall prey to Satan’s evil ways. I suppose that is true, except, I don’t feel like I fell prey, instead I believe I evolved into more of a spiritual being, free from the slavery of man’s teachings. John always tells me never should on yourself. I didn’t take time to have a mind of my own, to have thoughts outside of what I was raised to believe, even when those thoughts were nagging at me in a way of questioning my belief system. By not having critical thinking skills early in life, I wasted tons of time, however, I will not sit in the should have anymore. I’m moving forward in this life, one day at a time and living by the mindset that I want to make a difference in this world. I want to take my life lessons, share them with others in hopes that maybe someone sees themselves in my journey and perhaps someone can be saved from years of heartache.

In the cult I was taught never to give credit to myself. I was taught to focus on my flaws and never see the good in myself. The reason was, it’s a way the cult controls its followers. It keeps us grounded in the belief system that the only one who is given credit for anything is God. I agree, I do give God credit for everything in my life. I believe he watches over me and guides me if I’m open to listening to his wisdom through signs, or through his word. I also realize now, it’s okay to humbly give ourselves credit for doing good, especially towards others. It’s okay to work hard on something and feel good about the outcome. It’s always a good thing to give credit to our creator, at the same time, patting ourselves on the back from time to time and feeling proud of our accomplishments.

“The only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”-Steve Jobs. I’m finding satisfaction in my writing, in sharing my experiences and by trying to be the best me possible. I am truly satisfied and grateful for the opportunity to write and at times, I’m pretty good at it. Life is a gift and I wasted so much time living for the future, rather than living for the now. “Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird.”-Anthony Robbins.

I’m taking time to recharge myself. I’m going out of my comfort zone at least once a week. I’m meeting new people, saying yes to dinner with the girls, vacation with family, a boat ride with my son. I still feel guilty for not having the dishes done before heading out, or not having the house just so, but that’s my feeling and I need to learn to redirect it. Little by little, baby steps, one day at a time, who knows, maybe I’ll be the next Wayne Dyer, or close to him in being a positive energy, motivational speaker and a person who finds the good in every situation, rids themselves of guilt and truly embraces life. I love life, but I want to embrace every aspect of it without feeling anxious, without overthinking the falls and fails I’ve taken in life. I want to learn and grow; I want to always be recharging and I want to encourage others along the way.

My wish for you and for myself is this, keep going, keep growing and don’t forget, Love Life++