Guided

Happy Friday,

How is everyone doing today? What a beautiful day it is. It’s a tad chilly, but I’m sure here in California, it will warm up. We are just steps away from the weekend. Have any plans? For me, it’s going to be a busy weekend. I need to help Tommy with some paperwork tomorrow, which is nice, I will get to see my kiddo, then on Sunday, John, Grant and I will go up to Julian to celebrate his sister Amy’s birthday then next week, I have a bundle to do around the house before my brother comes to visit for a couple of weeks.

Yesterday, I met, or should I say, got to know someone a little better and what an amazing gift of friendship she is. We met for breakfast, outside at the country club and ended up sitting and talking for nearly 3 hours. We ended up figuring out that we’ve had similar journeys in life, and it was really cool being able to relate and exchange things we’ve been able to overcome. Anyway, my new friend shared a lot of her journey with me and it’s funny, throughout our entire morning together, we kept saying, the Universe guided us together. We are so much alike, and I think we’ll be good for each other. I don’t usually open up and share much about my life with too many people. I have major trust issues and I don’t like my life being shared with others. She said we need to challenge each other to grow and her challenge for me was to get out of my comfort zone and go to the lodge by myself and have a drink or dinner. I’m wondering though, if she would be okay with me changing my challenge to being totally candid with someone? I may try and go to the lodge alone, everyone in my community is so nice and friendly, so my fear is probably unfounded.

Through much of our conversation yesterday, we did agree over and over that the Universe guides us, brings people into our lives and has a plan for us. The ironic part of this entire conversation was, like I told my friend, I woke up yesterday morning and while I was getting ready to meet her, I had a conversation with God. I was telling God that I feel like I’ve disconnected from him, and I was telling him that I really needed answers. I begged him to help me see clearly my path, my purpose and what he wanted me to do, then, when my friend and I were talking, I was able to see signs for my plea to God.

I’m told by many that I need to write. I agree, I do. I’ve been having the hardest time though with connecting to my writing. I feel like I’m reaching for something, I can actually see myself reaching and almost touching something, but I can’t figure out what that something is. Last night John and I were talking and it’s like he was guided to help me. Randomly, John wanted to go out, just the two of us so we could talk. I still don’t have a completely clear answer to the black and white version of what I’m supposed to write about, but I have a calmer mindset. John says the answers are there, just be patient, listen and allow yourself to be guided.

Last night my mind was spinning a million miles an hour and I confessed to John for the very first time, I was feeling the need to push him away. Oh, I’ve pushed him away before, but subconsciously, and this time, I was able to recognize that I felt the need to do that. My friend yesterday is a lot like me in that regard. She told me that she’s in a relationship, and she’s afraid to give of herself completely to this man that she loves. She gets close, then needs to step back out of her own fear and insecurities and I think I’ve been doing that. John and I talked at great length about why I feel like I needed to push him away. I am the luckiest woman on the planet having a man that will truly listen to me then he tries to help me. I told him last night, “my mind hurts.” He said he knows, because he said all the thinking I was doing exhausted me. John’s so loving and caring and more important, he’s very patient and supportive of how my mind works.

Today, I was able to talk to John briefly and he was telling me that he talked to God this morning while getting ready for work. John said that the reason I’m feeling like I do right now is because for the first time in my entire life, I’m recognizing that I was lied to by a religious cult. Everything I was taught was based upon a lie. My friend said almost the same exact thing yesterday and that’s why I feel this amazing pull towards certain people, and I feel her, and I could become really good friends. I believe if we allow it, the Universe will guide us and bring people into our lives to help us grow.

Psalms 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” God is our source of life. When we are feeling like we are in a dark place, if we reach out to him, he will guide and lead us. The darkness we are experiencing, or experience is the symbol of distress, trouble and sorrow. When we feel like we are in a dark place, we tend to become perplexed with the situation and that’s when we need to reach for the light that God provides and many times, if we are aligned with the Universe, our troubles become more understandable where we can navigate through them. The light is a sign that we are being guided and God in turn becomes our salvation, he delivers us.

When I was in the cult, I did deviate slightly in allowing myself to be friends with a few outside of the organization. I had a friend, Leslie, who used to always say things like, “it’s a sign.” I always felt uncomfortable with that statement, because I was taught that signs were a part of the devil’s world, so I would try to steer clear of those types of conversations and now that I am free of the cult, I look back and think how different my life may have been if I would have been more open minded to see the signs, instead of allowing my ignorance to dominate.

I am so thankful to be evolving and I’m even more grateful for the chance to really listen to those in my life who have a sense of spirituality, because I’m now more open minded to allowing myself to be guided. I watch for signs, because, in my opinion, it’s God’s way of guiding me on the path in which he wants me on. My biggest problem is, I allow noise in my head to cloud my ability to be open minded. Thank goodness for John, he usually figures out a way to get me talking, or he encourages me to write and in turn, I’m able to clear my mind and allow the Universe to guide me on the path that I need to be on.

To sum up today’s blog, I do feel we are all being guided, it’s just a matter of being open to signs and sometimes, those signs come in the way of new friendships. Drop me a comment or leave me a message, I’d love to hear from you all. Until next time, don’t forget, to Love Life++