My Granny

Happy Saturday,

How is everyone doing this morning? Good I hope. What are your plans for the weekend? It sure does look like we are going to have a beautiful day. I don’t have too much planned for today. I’m sort of waiting by the phone for news I suppose about my Granny. She’s in the hospital and she’s almost ready to say goodbye to this life. I think she’s waited a long time to see grandpa again and her time is coming soon. I might venture over to the holiday boutique here at the lake too see what fun things they have, but so far, I’m off to a really slow start. Been up since 4:30, just working on some cross-stitch and mostly writing. It helps the lonely feeling I have right now, the emptiness I feel knowing someone I love is slipping away.

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be able to spend a few precious moments with my granny at the hospital. I was so thankful to my cousin Sherie for taking me and being there with me. I’ve been thinking a lot since seeing granny. She’s so frail. I was blessed to have her remember me, even though it was just briefly. I’ll forever treasure that time with her and I do hope to have a couple more minutes with her before she closes her eyes for the last time and takes that final breath.

My cousin Sherie said something yesterday that really was more comforting then she’ll ever know. She said, while having lunch together, that it’s in the little things that our loved ones memories are kept alive. You see, Sherie ordered a beef dip sandwhich and she felt a connection to her dad at that moment. Sadly, she lost him many years ago, but when her sandwhich came, she said so sweetly, “my dad always ordered a beef dip sandwhich and righ now, I feel connected to him.” She’s so right, it’s in the memories we make with our loved ones that keep them alive, and those memories keep them here with us. I’m not sure exactly what I believe anymore with regards to what happens when we die, but I do like the idea of keeping my granny alive with cherished memories.

“Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them.”-Winnie the Pooh.

When I spoke with my Aunt Billie this week, her words of wisdom pierced my heart. Granny and Aunt Billie are sisters and sadly, they lost their oldest sister a few years ago, and now, Aunt Billie is having to come to terms with knowing she will lose her baby sister, my Granny. Aunt Billie said to me, life is short, and my sisters life is even shorter as she is near the end of this life. Granny is 94 years old and Aunt Billie is 96 and has all her senses, and she still lives on her own. She’s amazing in every sense of the word. Life is short and I’ve learned the hard way, you can’t buy back time. When our time is up, we can’t change it. Aunt Billie always says, “I Did It My Way.” Her signature song.

Even though we don’t have control over when our time is up, we do have control, for the most part on other things, such as love. Love is an amazing, wonderful and sometimes, a once in a lifetime gift. Maybe that’s why it’s said to be rare, guess that’s why, when you have it, you want to hold on so tightly that it never slips away. When we find that true love, we control how we treat it.

I was forced to face a fear yesterday. I knew that by going to spend time with Granny, I might run into my Mother. It was an unfounded fear, but one I had nonetheless. Again, my cousin pointed out to me, that if I allowed that fear to take over, then I wouldn’t get to see my Granny and she knew that would be a regret that I wouldn’t be able to live with. With her by my side, I was able to face my fear and like I said, it was an unfounded fear because I found out that Mother will never step foot in that hospital to see her mom, my Granny. I won’t, nor can I judge her for that. We all have to make peace with ourselves,especially when it comes to how we deal with losing someone we love dearly. I know Mother loves Granny, and that’s all that matters.

Memories are said to be sweet, so we should cherish them. Memories in my head right now are so scrambled. I think I’m just overwhelmed with uncertainty. I was thinking yesterday how when Granny’s time comes to go to her eternal sleep, she will be the seventh loved one that I’ve lost in less then three years. One memory that isn’t scrambled is the one I made with Granny yesterday. Those few brief moments when she was aware that we were there and aware of who I was, those are, for me, right now, so precious and moments I’ll hold onto to get me through losing her.

When someone’s mind is taken away or maybe it’s better to say, when someone’s mind is their own and they get lost in their own space, they don’t always come back to us. Seeing Granny yesterday made me realize how some of us are engrained forever in the minds of those where we made an impact in their lives. My Granny might not know where she is or who we are for most of the time, but those of us she loved, we are in her memory somewhere. She, out of the blue yeterday said something we couldn’t quite make out, but we did understand loud and clear the name she said. Steve. Steven is Sheries oldest child and, while I don’t know him well, I have seen him interact at a few family Thanksgiving’s with, not only my Granny, but his Mimi, my Aunt Billie and his other grandmother. He had always such gentleness with them, so I can only imagine the fond memory Granny was thinking about yesterday when she spoke his name. When she briefly remembered Uncle Mike, her son, she simply said, he’s such a sweet boy.

Dementia and alzheimers steals from us the minds of those we love for the most part, but I saw ,just a glimpse of Granny remembering those that made an imprint, not only on her heart, but in her mind. I learned a valuable lesson from her in witnessing those special moments. I witnessed memories that she obviously cherished and I want memories etched in my mind forever, just in case I fall into the grips of dementia or alzheimers.

Time is something we can’t get back, so that makes it a little more precious ,to me, anyway. I can’t undo time lost with Granny, but I can make the best of the moments she has left.

TV, computers, social media, or whatever other vise we have at our disposal these days, while they are amazing things to have and be a part of, they can rob us of relationships and time with those we love. Sometimes the most important things in our lives are those sitting in the other room of our homes.

Now comes a little advice from someone that can’t buy back lost time. Anger, absolutely, dump it! Fear, always do your best to face it. Memories, nobody can take those away from us. Sure, they might get a little lost in their somewhere, but I truly believe, when we need them, we can find them., or maybe they find us. Love, don’t let it go. Don’t let anger or miscommunication break the bonds of love. If you truly love someone, make them your priority, because they are the ones that will be left with us when everyone else is gone. When we lose a parent, or when our kiddos grow up and journey out into the world, it’s that person laying next to you that will be by our side. Don’t push them away, make them matter, build memories with them. God forbid that that special person in our lives should have their mind taken from them, but if they do, how loving would it be, if, when they look at us, somewhere lost in the depths of their thinking, they find their way back to us, even if it’s only for a second.

Granny continues to teach me lessons in life. She was the first person to ever hold me when I was born. She helped take care of me for many years and when I was growing up, before Mother had her husband, Granny would come every Wednesday after work and take me to Naugles for a green burrito and then we would go to the mall and get a bag of cinnamon bears. She always had her nursing outfit on and nurses hat. I don’t remember much more then that, and that’s okay, I just know I had time with her.

When I was born, the first gift I ever got from her and my grandpa was a teddy bear. Looked like the one I pictured below. Sadly, when I was at work one day, my ex husband had decided to clean out the closet while looking for something and ran across that old bear and didn’t realize I suppose the value it had to me, so he tossed it. I didn’t know that until months later when I was looking for something and realized, Teddy was gone. My bear was so old and worn, so I kept him on a shelf in my closet so he would be safe, but that didn’t happen. I don’t even have a photo of my bear, but I do remember him and I remember sleeping with him until I got married. My Teddy Bear might be gone, but the memory is forever mine.

Well guys, I do hope you are all doing well, staying safe and making some wonderful memories with those you love. Don’t forget, life is short, so live it, and while doing that, Love Life++