The Woman I Am

Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing today? How was your Halloween? Send me a text and some photos, I would love to see how you all decorated and how you dressed up. I do hope you all have the greatest of weeks. I know I plan too. I got to come down to San Diego for a few days to spend some time with John. I also get to go out to dinner a couple of nights this week with our friends Art and Laura. Time with them is always a positive. This week will be amazing with them as they will be in full swing as the holidays approach supporting their daughter’ and her school activities. Their youngest daughter is in band and holy heck, she has some big events coming up over the next couple of months. As proud parents, you can see the glow in their eyes when they talk about all the things their daughter will be doing. As exhausting as everything will be for them, they cherish the moments because they know in just a couple of short years, their youngest will graduate and be off seeing the world and going to college. I’m also going to get to see my aunt this week. She’s in a facility for long term care. She took a really bad fall a few months back and she didn’t fair well from that fall and isn’t recovering the way we had hoped, so it looks like she’ll be staying in hospital care for along while. I got her some new loungeware and some cute little slippers. With it getting more cold outside and her weighing maybe 80 pounds, she needs the bundle up clothes. It’ll be nice to see her. Breaks my heart that she’s probably never coming home. San Diego promises to be a busy week for sure.

I saw this awesome quote the other day and saved it. I wasn’t too sure I could use it to write about, since it’s something, I think, we as women should feel about ourselves, be able to relate to, or hopefully will fill about ourselves at some point in life. With much thinking about it, I decided I could quote it and write about it. Even though I haven’t fully evolved into who I want to be, I am on the path to doing so. I had someone comment awhile back saying that they felt I needed to heal and recommended some different theraputic daily motivational self help things. I haven’t stopped thinking about her comment to me because it made me wonder if I am coming across as being sad and depressed. I’ve been praying a lot about how I come across in my blogs and I’ve come to realize that I’m not depressed, nor sad. Sure, there are times that I feel sad or depressed, but those feelings don’t consume me anymore. I write about events and things in my life for one reason in particular. I write about my journey and things that happen or have happened to me because I hope that if someone out there falls upon hard times, that they can read my blog and see that they aren’t alone. I want them to know someone cares about them. I created this blog site so nobody ever has to feel they are alone on their journey. I have to write about the ups and downs in my life so others see the realness in my life. I feel I have to be open and candid in my writing style. Not everyone will like the way I write, and that’s okay, however, I do recieve a lot of positive feedback and that’s why I keep writing.

The quote I saw the other day does apply to me and to so many other women out there. Men too. Though it talks about being a woman, men too have suffered abuse, saddness and depression, have pulled themselves out of darkness and are surviors of their own lives. “I have been many women in my lifetime. I have been the protector and the provider. I have been the lover and the fighter, but the woman I value the most, will always be the survior.”-S.L. Heaton. Growing up the way I did got me to where I am today. John and I were talking this morning and he said he’s so happy that I love the holidays, then he said it was criminal that I didn’t get to do them as a child. After a few moments he then clarified his thought and said, maybe it’s not so bad the way you didn’t get to celebrate the holidays becaue now you have such a love for them and maybe if you had been doing them all your life, you wouldn’t have that same passion as you do now. I think in my case, the holidays would have always been a big deal to me. Halloween for example, gosh, seeing all the smiles on the kiddos faces last night and hearing the laughter, it was the best feeling. I would have loved to have seen my kids enjoying the holidays as little people. For me, Christmas is about the decorating and making a house a home, decorating and seeing how happy people are when they come over. The smell of Christmas, the baking and the tree, oh I can’t wait. Let’s not forget Thanksgiving. I’m super exicted to be able to celebrate with my cousin in American Canyon and his kiddo along with John and Grant. I do plan to do another smaller turkey day for Tommy, because that’s his favorite meal.

My life has been a good one overall. I was blessed with two sons that mean the world to me. Without the course my life took, I wouldn’t of had Tommy and Kevin, nor would I have found John. I have been a daughter, a niece, a wife and a mother, and now, I’m someone’s girlfriend. I have provided for my children and still do in some ways. I protect them at all cost. Don’t mess with my babies, even though they are grown men, cause this mama bear loves her sons. I have been a lover and one of the biggest things I can say is, I’ve been a fighter. I still fight every day and that’s okay too. Being a fighter makes me stronger. Even though I have to fight everyday, I also survive every day.

I had to see my one doctor last week and she even said to me, God isn’t done with you yet. She was explaining how my heart is battling so hard to just beat, then she said, most people would be out of breath just talking, then she looked at me with this look of amazement and said, not you though, you are and always will be my mystery patient. She said the only way to explain why I haven’t had a massive heart attack or died for that matter is, God has a plan for me.

When I’m reminded, especially by others that God has a plan for me, it motivates me and inspires me even more to write my book and my blog. I have a niece that reaches out from time to time and she is one of my biggest blog supporters and it brings my heart so much joy to know that she not only reads my blog, but that many of my writings uplift her, makes her think and helps her see her own value in this world. She’s already a strong woman, an amazing mother and a loving, supportive wife, so when she tells me she needed the information from my blog, it really makes my heart fill over-joyed with love.

I’ve gone through the fire, more then once. I’ve had some amazing family and friends pull me from the flames and without them, I’m not sure where my life would be. I am forever and eternally thankful for each and everyone of you. I’m grateful that so many saw the figher in me when I didn’t, when I was ready to give up. I can never repay any of you, but I can pay it forward in some small way and that way is by writing my blog. Thank you for reading it and for supporting me.

Well guys, I have some other writing to do, so I’ll be saying goodbye for now, until next time, I hope you all have the best day and don’t forget, Love Life++