Time to Protect

Happy Friday everyone,

How are you all doing? It’s finally Friday and it looks like it’s going to be one amazing weekend. This week has been a really good one. I got to spend some one on one with Tommy, and Sunday I get to have Kevin and Jagger over for dinner and her family. Excited to finally meet them and enjoy an evening with her parents. Now I need to decide what to make for dinner. John and I are invited to a potion party tomorrow night, so that will be tons of fun. Susan came over on Tuesday and I will admit, she is my biggest inspiration when it comes to my quilting. She brought over a quilt she just finished, and all I can say is, she does amazing and beautiful work. She was sweet enough to give me the supplies to make the same quilt. It’s little witches. So stinkin cute. I started on it last night and I hope to finish in the next week.

So, I sort of took a break from my blogging the last couple of weeks. I’ve wanted so bad to write, but after my last blog, I feel as though I hurt one of my dearest friends feelings and I thought maybe I should give up writing, because she means the world to me and I hate to think I hurt her feelings. It’s really bothered me and her friendship is worth way more then a blog. So, I’ve prayed a lot this past week about life and my path and I feel my prayers have been answered. I’ve connected even more to my spiritual side and I think, I know what I have to do, I have to write. When I step away from it, it calls me. It’s my passion and since I couldn’t bring myself to write, I dived into watching positive affirmations, shows that were inspiring to me and I topped it off this morning with a show and it motivated me to get back on this computer and write. This is my happy place and I’m good at it. John showed me that through my writings, I can do what the Universe intended for me, and that is help other’s, especially women who have found themselves trapped in a life that was in essence, killing them.

I watched something this morning and the woman, who is now a spiritual healer was talking about her life. For a moment, I felt as though she was telling my life story. Anyway, she said that she felt she had to do good in life. She also said she felt from the time she was just a little girl, 4-5 years old, she felt her purpose was to do good for others, almost like she felt she had to be perfect. I’m not sure how she developed that mind set, but I do know how I developed it. This woman went on to talk about how when she was about 30 ish, she started feeling like a robot. Life had become a routine of things that she was losing or had lost total passion for. She then talked about how she felt like she was this rose on a vine that was withering, dying and being strangled. That was my wow moment this morning. I knew that this show was meant for me to watch and it lit the fire under my butt to get up into my loft and write. So here I am. Writing to you all again.

I continued to listen to her journey and seeing what she was and what she has become. I felt this connection to this woman I’ve never met nor heard of until this morning. Her story made an imprint on my life and it gave me back that sprark I needed to put my writing as my priority again, so here we go, I’m back and I’m excited to write. I might even have John take me to get a new laptop this weekend so I can venture out to the different lakes, beaches and parks and really feel nature surround and inspire me as I write.

I want you all to know, I’m doing okay. I’m in a good place right now and I’m feeling a sense of calm. I was telling John last night on our virtual date, that I feel at peace. I think for awhile, I was missing him so much, only having a couple of days a week with him because of our crazy schedules right now. He’s encouraged me to pursue writing and he has to work and he has his kiddo in school right now, so time together is at a premium. John even commented last night that having these virtual dates has really helped him. He said he feels even closer to me. I think we’ve solved our problem. Talking daily just wasn’t enough, but we now will watch a movie together a couple times a week and then talk about it. It’s like we’re together yet in different parts of the world. Kinda cool. We have bought out time to be together and we are having the time of our lives.

This comes to the title of my blog, time to protect. You see, I’ve come to the conclusion, I have to protect me, my relationship with John, my relationship with my kiddos and my friendships. With this being said, I can only control my part in all my relationships, including the one with myself. Part of my journey is to tell my story and when I do, it’s not because I’m dwelling in my past, or that I haven’t moved past things or anything like that. Sure, I still have some healing to do and I still have my triggers, but I share what I do not on a whim. I put a lot of thought into what I want to say. I pray about it and sometimes, I even wake up with a thought in my head and I am reminded of something or I am triggered and it’s my way of sharing and releasing. More importantly though, it’s my way of saying, it’s gonna be okay, either for myself or for others who may be reading my blog. I feel as though this is the path I need to be on right now. My friend Jana told me awhile back that she feels my writting is going to help others. I had a friend, a new friend tell me the same thing. Carol said that she feels that God is going to use me in a good way, so keep writting and write with passion.

“To protect your energy…. It’s okay to cancel a commitment. It’s okay to not answer a call. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to want to be alone. It’s okay to take a day off. It’s okay to do nothing. It’s okay to speak up. it’s okay to let go.”-affirmationsandquotes.com. My thought on this, well, simply put, it’s okay to follow your path and it’s most definetly okay to embrase your passion and go for it. Treat others kindly, and treat yourself and hold yourself as valuable as you hold others. Patience is not my virtue, and that’s okay too. Wanting everyone in my life to be happy, that would be amazing, but I can’t be the source of anyone’s happiness, only a contributer, at least that’s what I hope to be and that’s what I want to do.

I have to protect what I’ve been working so hard to accomplish and I can’t take a step backwards, I have to keep moving forward. Being raised in a religion/cult took my freedom away from me for way to long. It made me think and feel that what I thought and what I wanted didn’t mean anything. I had to conform to 8 men in suits and do as they expected. I had to be a good little witness, so I got lost in life. I am finally finding my way in this world and sure, I’ve made some duzzies of mistakes, but as long as I learn from those, perhaps they aren’t mistakes, maybe they’re just growing pains.

Anyway, I am excited to write again. I’m excited to pour my heart into my blog and I pray that whoever is reading them, finds comfort or strength, maybe even a little guidance to this crazy mixed up life we are all living. It’s not about the destination now is it? It’s about the journey.

I hope you are all doing well and staying safe. Life is filled with twists and turns, and it’s nice to know that others have traveled the same path and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Until next time, Love Life++