Hurtin’ Words

Happy Monday,

How is everyone doing today? What a beautiful day it is. I love the cool breeze that is coming off the lake right now. It’s only 88 today. Not too bad. I think I might take little Molly to the puppy park later and let her run. She loves to run, so maybe if I get her to the enclosed puppy park, that will satisfy her runnin’ urge. She’s so curious all the time, wants to see everyone and everything. She’s funny, she loves cuddle time almost as much as runnin’ time. Anyway, I’ve been a bit out of sorts lately. Been struggling with major migraines, so I haven’t had much energy to do much. Today is off to a good start, so I’m taking advantage of being able to write.

So John and Grant came up for the weekend. It’s always nice having time with them both, and it’s nice to have some one on one with John. We went around the lake a little bit and found a spot that overlooks the lake. We sat for a bit and just talked and dreamed together. Sometimes I can’t believe I have someone in my life that loves to dream with me. It’s really a wonderful gift.

John and I had a long conversation about not letting people control our lives by the things they say. He said we need to find a way to maybe turn their negativity into a comedy. I know we’re grasping at straws, but it’s worth a try.

It’s funny to me that now that I’m no longer part of a high controlling cult, I’m more in tune to the Universe and I feel I have an even stronger relationship with my creator. I pray more. I talk to God all the time. I am so grateful for what he’s done for me and how he’s guided my path and opened doors for me to be able to write. Now, I just have to have the confidence to finish the things I’ve started and realize that writing is my gift and I need to use it the way God sees fit.

This morning I opened my email and one of the first things I read was my cosmic postcard. I had to give it a wow moment, especially after the conversation John and I had this weekend. “Dear Friend, hurtful words aren’t worth a thing. They’re like sticky tar and can really hold you back. So, if someone tosses a few out at you , duck, dance around them, or let them slide right on by. Be like the dish detergent that cuts grease and washes geese. Weebling and wobbling, Astrovibe.”

Crazy how coincidences happen. Maybe there not coincidences, but the Universe validating what John and I thought would be a good mind set for when certain people in our lives try and take control of what we want to do and what we want to be, or maybe it’s just the Universe guiding and giving signs? So I have to sit back and think that our converstation yesterday was meant to be and the amazing plan John came up with to get us through hurtful talk and words might be just what the Universe ordered.

I’ve had people say some pretty hurtful things to me and it triggers me. I suppose you can say that I’m the sort of person that wants everyone to be happy and not mad at me or upset with me. I know it’s not my responsibilty to try and control what others say or do, because I can only control how I react and the things I say. “You cannot control the way people treat you, what they think of you, or what they say about you. You can control your response to them. Let your actions speak louder than their words.”-Lisa Prosen. I had someone tell me recently that they didn’t like the time they spent with me. When I asked this person why they told me they did, no response was to be had. I said, “you lied to me about having a good time together?” The reply was a yes. The reason this was so hurtful was because throughout the day, I would ask this someone if they were having a good time and I was told all day, YES!

I’m okay with not being the person you want to spend time with. That’s totally alright by me, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but don’t lie to me. Don’t make me feel good then pull the carpet out from under me. I’ve had more then enough of that throughout my entire life. I like to do certain things. I love having my family and friends around me, and if you don’t want to be apart of that, well, that’s okay too, but don’t ask me to hang out, then at the end of the day, tell me it was all a lie. That hurts and that triggers the shut down mode in me. My wall begins to go back up with you and I can’t live life anymore tippy toeing around my every desire out of fear I will make you upset. “So long as you are still worried about what others think of you , you are owned by them. Only when you require no approval from outside can you own yourself.”-Neal Donald Walsch.

I know what triggers me and my therapist told me once, that’s the first step to recovery, however, I have chosen to run from that instead of facing it, so I have so much to work on when it comes to allowing what others say and do to hurt me so deeply. I like to think that it’s not always intentional and it’s more of me chosing to react in a negative way, rather then giving the person the benefit of the doubt that they have other things on their mind or hurts of their own and I was just in the shooting zone. Either way, I know I have to work on how I react. I have to stop putting up walls and I need to continue living the best life possible, because God has given me a second chance at life and I don’t want to let him down again.

I’m so thankful to be back writing. I’m so honored to now be in 72 countries and I am officially getting myself off the slackin’ train and getting myself set up to be the best me possible. Thank you everyone who reads my blogs and thank you to everyone who reaches out. I love hearing from you all. You have truly given me a gift I never thought I’d ever have, a little bit of confidence to write.

I hope you are all doing well and keeping safe. If there’s anything you can take from my blog, I hope it’s knowing that you are worthy and you deserve to be happy. Enjoy life, and love your family and friends. Until next time, don’t forget, love life++