Happy Thursday,
How is everyone doing this fine Thursday morning? I do hope all is well with everyone. Things are going good here. Lots of new adventures under way and I’m loving the journey. The last month or so, I’ve had a new routine when I get up in the morning. I’ve been reading at least 2-3 positive affirmations, before getting out of bed. I have found this to have a really huge impact on my thought process. I wake up, I read a positive thought and I thank God for my day of life. I am seeing for the first time in my life a shift in my thinking. I struggle every day with juggling my thoughts, but I keep going. Leslie is always telling me, “STOP! Stop doubting yourself. Stop putting yourself last on the list of life, stop blaming yourself and stop carrying the burdens of others.”
For the longest time, I’ve been stuck on auto pilot, barely moving. I sometimes just sit and wonder how and why others can get away with doing and saying mean and hateful things, not only towards me, but towards others in general. I then realized, I can’t control what others do. I can only control what I do and how I react to situations. I’ve been giving others the power to take up space in my mind to the point of making me paralyzed. I hesitate on everything because I am so busy playing out every scenario in the world on how my likes and wants will affect everyone I know. I’ve run myself ragged and I’ve worn myself out, mentally and physically.
I’m at the point in life where I’ve been forced to stop and think about a fear I’ve always had and still have to this day. This fear keeps me from finding my hidden potentials and from flying in this life. I fear what others think of me on really unhealthy levels. I don’t like to feel like someone is upset with me. I do feel I try my best to not upset others, but, I’m learning that no matter how hard I try, I still upset someone, somewhere along the way. For those of you that I may have upset, I do apologize to you, and I hope you know, that I never intentionally do anything to upset anyone. I’m imperfect and I make mistakes. I’m 52 years old and have come to realize, I can’t live my life for pleasing everyone else at the expense of losing who I am in the process. No matter how hard I try, I will fall short in someone’s eyes. Life is short and for the first time, I want to live my life surrounding myself with things that bring me joy and I want to share these things with you. I want to have a passion for my life that I’m gifted with. Psalm 139:14, “I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”-NIV. We are made to be individuals and we were created wonderfully, so I’m thinking that it’s safe to say that God doesn’t want us wasting our lives by not doing and being the best we can be. Thoughts? With that being said, I have to do things that bring me happiness and peace, and I have to learn to balance my passion for wanting to take care of everyone around me and making everyone else happy with putting myself into the equation and doing things that I enjoy and that I am passionate about.
I am blessed to have someone like John in my life who encourages me to not only dream, but to chase those dreams. I’m even more thankful that he chases those dreams with me. He goes out of his way to make my wants, desires and dreams come true. We work as a team and not only hold on tight to our dreams, but we don’t let each others dreams die out. We dream together and for each other. I have to keep growing in this life. John has shown me that there’s so much out there to accomplish. He’s given me the courage to write a book and this blog. He’s my biggest cheerleader and it’s because of him I am finding passion and courage to go after my dreams. I’m finding a purpose in my life, a purpose I didn’t know was there or even possible. There’s so much to accomplish, do and enjoy. I’m excited, scared and thankful for the chance in this life.
My new mind set of chasing my dreams, staying positive and doing things that I enjoy are feeling that have always been with me, but I think they’ve been buried for way too long, deep down inside and now, I’m finding the strength to say, I’m ready to soar. “She was afraid of heights, but she was much more afraid of never flying.”-Atticus. I have been given the opportunity to follow my dreams and though it’s not easy to do, it’s overwhelming at times, I am excited to see what’s around the corner. I am stoked to experience new things and with a man like John by my side, I know if I slip and fall, he’ll be right there with his hand extend to help pick me up. He encourages me to take chances and when I fail, he always helps me see the lesson in the experience and then he encourages me to grow from those life lessons.
I read this affirmation yesterday and it really makes sense. When I first began reading things like this, I thought they sometimes sounded self absorbed, at least for me. Some of the positive quotes made me feel so uncomfortable, they are/were so out of my norm. I realized then, that going outside my bubble or box and being uncomfortable is in a way, making me grow. I can care about my family and friends. I can still take everyone’s feelings into consideration, and I can live my life the way that makes me happy. “My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything, and it makes life so much easier.”-Anthony Hopkins. I try to be a good person. I try to do what I can for others and I do it with no expectations of anything in return. I won’t change that. What I will change is trying to always please everyone all the time at the expense of hurting myself in the process.
“Agreeing to things to just keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this, you’re disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others’ comfortability. Take up space and use your voice.”-@selfcare4yu. I think as a child I had some pretty traumatic things happen to me and I learned to just keep my mouth shut so I wouldn’t upset anyone and sadly, I’ve carried that weakness through my entire life. I guess now, you could say I’m growing as a person because I’m slowly stepping out of that way of thinking and finally learning to speak up for myself. John has given me the platform to feel comfortable enough to say what I like and what I don’t like. He encourages me to share my feelings and he makes me feel safe in doing so. I still struggle with chasing my dreams, speaking up and saying no, but I’m also finding peace within myself and learning to soar high above the skies and take chances and pursue my dreams.
I’m meeting new people, making new friends and building new relationships with family. I’m excited to have my sons in my life more and I’m not letting them off the hook anymore and allowing them to make excuses as to why they are too busy. I know they have their lives to live and I’m excited for them both, but they do need to slow down enough to include their mom in their lives just a little more. I love them more then anything in this world. They’ve chosen wonderful girls and it’s time to build bridges to a stronger relationship. I’ll use my voice to tell them all that I need to see them a little more often.
I’m still afraid to fly in this life, but with fear comes a sense of accomplishment when I see things coming together. My advice to you all is, take a chance in life, enjoy the things that make you happy and rekindle some of those lost passions you have tucked away on a shelf, you know, the ones that you put aside thinking they weren’t all that important. Dust those desires off and see if they still bring you happiness, you never know where they might take you or what you’re really capable of doing. Who knows what some of those old passions might stir up within you. You never know where your talents might take you. Maybe you’ll find yourself living your dream, and the best life ever. I know I’m living inside a dream right now and I couldn’t be more excited. I’ll be sharing more with you all soon.
Well guys, I need to wrap things up for now. Please send me a text or message and let me know how you’re all doing. Until next time, don’t forget, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 