Happy Sunday,
How is everyone doing this fine Sunday morning? I hope all is well with you and I hope you are able to enjoy some family time this weekend. Tomorrow is Memorial Day, so please take a moment to remember and honor those men and women who have died while on duty serving our country. So many have lost their lives defending the USA. While it is a day that we get together and maybe enjoy barbeques and family time, it is because of those who have fought to defend our freedom that we are able to do this. Be safe, no matter what you do, and hey, if you think about it, send me a text or picture, I love hearing from you.
I am working on a blog regarding a scripture I quoted last week, Matthew 18:20, but I haven’t finished my research on it, so please know my friend that commented on that, I haven’t forgotten. You see, a friend of mine sent me a message regarding this scripture and she really got me to thinking, so I started doing a little research and low and behold, this scripture is taken out of context and used wrong in many instances, so, I want to dive into it a little more and hopefully, she and I will both have a better understanding of it. For today though, I’m going to talk a little bit about a topic that I’ve personally felt and been a part of. I got a message a couple days ago from my ex and in his message, he was angry with me and he said ,”you have to call me now.” Well, I haven’t returned his call, nor do I plan to. The way he spoke to me in his message showed me he still feels he controls me, in his mind anyway and obviously, since it’s still weighing on my mind, he probably does in some way, sadly.
I guess, being with someone for over 30 years, it becomes a habit. You feel a sense of owning them some consideration. I did message him back and gave him an answer for his accusation, but that’s as far as I can go in speaking with him, right now anyway. I’ve listened to his message a couple of times and it really makes me sad. God never has given man the power to treat women this way, yet, some religions really take all power from it’s female followers and gives it entirely to the men. This isn’t or wasn’t what God had in mind. though. The Bible says that God made a woman to be a helper to her husband. We are to be complements of him. According to JW.Org, in the 1986 Watchtower, page, 14 paragraph 6, it says, “The Hebrew word translated ‘complement’ can also be rendered ‘counterpart’, which has been defined as ‘a thing that fits another perfectly.’ God’s purpose for women was for her to be a fitting complement of man.
How do I understand as a woman being a compliment to a man, a husband or partner? As couple, we compliment each other. We as men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, so if we develop those accordingly, we can have successful relationships, because we are working together. God in no way has ever wanted a man to demean his wife/woman. He wants him to cherish her and gain her respect by the way he treats her. Women though, we respect our husbands/men because they show their love in the way they speak to us, and value us in their lives. In my opinion, the whole headship thing that you see in certain religions has caused and been the root for so much unhappiness in marriages, resulting in divorce.
I remember when I first started seeing the religion in which I was raised to not be true for me anymore, I told my husband how I felt and instead of talking to me about why I felt a certain way, he used his “headship” to tell me, “I should of never have allowed you to work outside the home, because you have allowed worldly people to get into your head and now you’ve developed a worldly attitude.” I disagree, it wasn’t working that woke me up, it was actually, listening to different motivational speeches and some YouTube channels that made me stop and think. I was learning to think for myself, rather then being told what to think. Being told by my husband that he should of never allowed me to do something, honestly, that hurt. I felt like a little girl being scolded, and the phone call I received from him the other day took me back to that scared little girl that did something wrong and now I’d be punished, and that’s why I won’t answer his calls. I’m not strong enough to stand up to him yet. I’m getting there though and one day, when I’m strong enough, I’ll be able to tell my sons the truth and hopefully, they’ll be able to see that I’m not a bad person, I just had to escape a life that was killing me.
“Some might say, ‘if a good woman really loves her man, she will never give up. She will keep fighting to make it work, no matter what.’ My thoughts….if a man truly loves you, he won’t make you fight alone. He’ll be right there working with you, side by side, to make it work because he knows it’s not just your responsibility, nor is it solely his. The responsibility belongs to both of you. If either of you thinks fighting alone is enough t save it, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. Whether you are the Good Man or the Good Woman, just know…you need each other to make it work.”-Mr. Amari Soul. I love this quote. It shows that in order to make a relationship work, you need to do it together. It’s not just one persons role within the relationship to handle everything. I never felt like a compliment to my ex husband. I felt more like a slave. I lived in fear of making him mad, especially when it came to money matters. If I didn’t have enough in the bank account, I would stress to levels where I became physically sick. It was never enough, I was never good enough. I failed in keeping a certain dollar amount in the bank, not because I was out buying for myself, I just was never skimping for my family, therefore, I caused myself so much stress. I chose to shut down and hide things from him, where, instead, if it were a healthy relationship, I would of been able to talk to him and know it was safe to do so.
I was a good woman and I walked away. I truly and deeply did love my husband with every fiber of my being. Anyone who knew me would tell you that. I was all in. So why did I walk away? I fought to keep it going. I fought for over thirty years to keep it going. Leaving, I’ve paid the heaviest of prices. I’ve lost the greatest gifts in my life, the relationship I had with my sons and even to this day, when my ex gets mad at me, he goes to my boys and tells him things that they really need not be apart of. One day, they’ll see the truth, that is, one day, in God’s time, they’ll see what God wants them to see. So why did I walk away? Well, in short, it was because I couldn’t fight for our relationship alone anymore. I begged him to get us help in learning to communicate, he never did. I begged him to listen to me, I tried to talk to him and if he didn’t like what I was saying, he would get up and walk away. I suppose, that was my cue. My cue to get up and walk away. It was with heaviest of hearts that I made that choice to leave. I just never knew the high price I would pay.” I didn’t know the magnitude of how it would change the entire dynamics of my relationship with my sons. It’s better to be alone, than being with someone who makes you feel alone.”-purelovequotes. I was so lonely. I felt so alone, all the time. I wanted and needed a partner who would talk with me, instead of at me. I just wanted to be heard and understood. I wanted to be loved and cherished.
It takes two to make a relationship work and it takes two to make it break. We broke because one of us wasn’t trying and, one of us gave up after many years of giving with not even a morsel of reciprocation. God created us to compliment each other. NO one is more important in the relationship then the other, therefore, we should never treat the one we love like they are lesser than. We want to hold onto each other, so nobody feels like they have to walk away.
Well my dear family and friends, I do hope everyone is doing well. Take care and be safe out there. Please don’t forget to shoot me a comment or text. I love hearing from you all and until next time, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 