Happy Friday,
Looks like we made it to another weekend, and it’s a three day weekend for many of us. What does everyone have in store or planned? I know for many, this is the launch of summer and many will be heading out to do some water sports and enjoy the beautiful weather we have here in California. The change in the weather has really given me some hidden energy. I’ve been in the pool twice this week and it’s really made me feel alive again, and I know if my balance is off, I’ll be falling forward in the pool instead of on concrete. Hey, send me a text or message and let me know how you are all doing. I miss hearing from everyone.
Update on my book. I’m a bit at a stand still. I’ve had some things that I’ve recently remembered and I need to go back and edit portions of the book to add these new details in. I’m super excited to get back to working on it though. I wanted to apologize too for slacking on my blogging. I’ve had too much on my plate and I honestly, shut down mentally and emotionally, so I couldn’t even bring myself to write. I also don’t want to burden you all with the negatives. I am feeling a bit better, thankfully, even though I still have some really heavy things to figure out over the next week or so, but with John here to help talk with me and help me see clearly and see the bigger picture, rather than being stuck in the smaller box, I think I’ll make the right choices. I’m very thankful and lucky to have him in my life.
I saw this quote last night, right before falling asleep and it stuck with me, so I had to look it up again this morning. When a man truly loves a woman, she becomes his weakness. When a woman truly loves a man, he becomes her strength. This is called exchange of power.”-unknown. I’m not sure I’ve ever been someone’s weakness, ever, but I do know, in the two relationships I’ve had, I made them my strength. In my marriage, I wanted to desperately for my husband to be my rock, my strength and I wanted and needed to rely on him for things, but some how, one day when I wasn’t looking I suppose, I became his rock and strength. In some ways, that was a nice feeling, having someone need me. Over time though, it became a burden. I’ve had to do a lot of soul searching in regards to this. Was is such a bad thing to be his rock and strength? No, it wasn’t, however, being the more emotional one by way of creation, there were times I needed his strength. I needed a shoulder to cry on. I think in some ways, I became the mother he never had. He never could be my rock or strength in any situation, so we grew apart.
“You didn’t love her! You just didn’t want to be alone. Or, maybe, maybe she was good for your ego, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love!”-TheMindsJournal/Gray’s Anatomy. I know for a fact, I was good for his ego. I was raised to believe my place as a good little Jehovah’s Witness was to meet his every need. His needs were more important then my own. I was taught by my mother that as a wife, I was to be in last place in his world, so I dutifully complied with this and wouldn’t you know, as a good Jehovah’s Witness husband, he took full advantage of his role as husband and head of house. We were taught that this is how a good marriage is made, you comply with the whole being in subjection to your husband and the husband is fully in charge of any and all choices within the family unit, and with this method, you are bringing God totally into your marriage and creating the threefold unit. Ecclesiastes 4:12, ” and someone may overpower one alone, but two together can take a stand against him. And a threefold cord cannot quickly be torn apart.”-NWT.
According to “How to remain in God’s Love, Chapter 10, paragraph 6, ‘a good marriage can be the closest of friendships between two people who help, comfort, and protect each other. Love can make a marriage strong, but the marriage will become even stronger when a husband and wife worship Jehovah. Then their marriage can become a ‘threefold cord’, a rope of three strands tightly woven together. A rope like that is much stronger than a rope of only two strands. A marriage will be strong when Jehovah is part of it.”-JW.org. I do absolutely agree, when God is in or apart of your relationships, your bond is closer. I believe in God so I feel when, for example, John and I sit and talk about our views on various scriptures, we have an even closer tie to each other. With that being said, I don’t know what a relationship without God in it is like, but I do have a cousin who is atheist and he and his girlfriend have a wonderful bond. I enjoy talking about God, especially with John. It’s funny, I was a witness, along side my husband of 30+ years and we never talked about God the way John and I do. Maybe it’s just, John and I see things in a similar way and we are both open to discuss and research the scriptures rather then him telling me what I must believe and do. He talks with me instead of at me.
In my new relationship, John certainly is my rock and strength, however, I think I tend to push him away more then I welcome his desire to be my shield when things are difficult. I shut down and cocoon myself into my mind and then the terror begins. I begin to have so many thoughts run through my head that I can’t keep up with them. Thoughts begin to mesh together and it makes me crazy. John always says I need to learn to quiet my mind. Mediation is something he’s always trying to teach me. One day, perhaps, I’ll listen and heed his advice.
“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.”-F. Scott Fitzgerald. I do hope that my ex is living a good and happy life. I hope he has the strength to start over again and I hope he’s able to be someone’s strength this next time around. I know for me, it means the world to have found someone that wants to be my rock, my strength and he chooses me to be by his side and he’s proud to have me there. I’m his first choice. Last night we were joking around and I said in a sassy way, “it’s not all about me.” Well, John was quick to respond to that by saying, “I always try to make everything about you.” I’ve never had anyone love me the way he does and though I push him away emotionally sometimes, it sure is amazing being loved beyond words. I hope that I can fully open up someday to him, let all my walls down and give him love the way he loves me. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love him so much, more than I can sometimes even express, but with his patience and love and understanding, I know one day, everyone will be able to see the love I feel for this amazing man that God has sent into my life, the man who is my rock and my strength.
Well guys, I’m running out of time today. John and I are headed to our friends for some yummy goodies and drinks. Please send me a text or message, I love hearing from you all. Love you guys, and don’t forget, until next time, Love Life++
Love Life with Dawna 